About You

You are LOVED by God. There is nothing you can do, or can't do to make him love you more or less. He loves you because he loves you. Because you are His child.

More then your past
Worth it
A treasure
You matter.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Giving it God

I am sitting here, just feeling numb about the past few weeks. It has been a whirlwind of emotion for Jake and I, God laying it on my heart to home school Jake, trying to talk to his dad about it, trying to let a 12 year old make a huge decision on whether he schools at home or at a public school. WAY to big of a decision for a 12 yr old, but that was my only choice. His biological dad said he was only ok with it if Jake was ok with it. Jake decided to try it out, he said God changed his heart and he thought he should home school. But then the first day of school came and he cried when he saw his two friends get on the bus to go to school. He seemed sad. I cried with him. Sometimes when God asks us to do things, it is not easy or pleasant at first. Monday night I just got on the floor and cried out to God for him to take this because I don't know what to do anymore. A few weeks of trying to explain to Jake why home schooling is good, praying tons about it, what to do, what curriculum to use, seeing my son crying, I just couldn't take it anymore, I handed it over to God, I threw up my arms and said please take this! His dad came over Tuesday and told Jake not to let Kevin and I influence his decision, so Jake decided he wanted to go to school. This morning I watched him get on that bus and sat here and cried. I had a friend that wrote something that I really liked, she said, Jake is taking a detour, and we don't know why it's happening, but God will get him back on track.
I also read a post by my friend Debbie this morning that touched me. She was talking about the different names of Jesus, and asked, "What is breaking your heart today? and have you taken it to your El-Shaddai, your all sufficient God?
She gave names of God, which I knew, but don't use enough, those are Jehovah-jireh: The Lord Will Provide ~ Jehovah-shalom: The Lord Is Peace ~ Jehovah-rapha: The Lord Who Heals, and ~ El-Shaddai: The All-Sufficient One.
I should probably paste these up on my board so I can see them everyday. Even though I sent Jake to school today, I gave this problem to my El-Shaddai on Monday night. God is sovereign and he will take care of what I couldn't take care of by myself. Because of Jake's biological dad, I couldn't just keep Jake at home, But God is able to do what he wants with Jake. HE will take care of Jake. Whether it be bringing him back home some day to school, or helping him not to conform to the world, he is sufficient to take care of this. He loves Jake more then I do, which seems impossible but I know it's true. That post she wrote came at a perfect time this morning. I need to trust God. I did what I could do, and I need to let God do what I can't. I will seek him, pray and let God be God.


Sarah Schultz said...

Amy- Maybe God is using Jake in a new way, one that you could not have imagined, or forsaw in the homeschool plan. Maybe Jake will reach out to those he touches at school in a way that NO other child can. We cannot know the impact that our words and actions have on those around us. Jake can shine his light, live his life, and give his gift within his own world. "A light shines brightest in the darkness." Trust that God has His hand on Jake and that Jake is fulfilling a great purpose....“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16

Shelley said...

Amy, I want to encourage you that Jake is not alone at Central. I have a son there in 7th grade, and I have a daughter that just finished up there. There are tons of kids from FRCC at Central.

God is not sitting in heaven saying, "oh, dear now what do I do Jake is at school - totally didn't see that one coming." This is the path he chose for Jake - embrace it and figure out how to be an influence in his life today.

I am praying for you!

Debbie said...

I just want to say I love ya, girl. Seriously. Glad the words that the Holy Spirit put on my heart were able to help yours.