About You

You are LOVED by God. There is nothing you can do, or can't do to make him love you more or less. He loves you because he loves you. Because you are His child.

More then your past
Worth it
A treasure
You matter.

Friday, June 10, 2011

One year cancer free.

Today was a day of celebration at our house. We actually went out to eat as a family, (which is a rare occurrence with my frugal husband) :)

But it was really nice to go out and celebrate my healing as a family. I think I may even have ice cream tonight after a month of no sugar! :)
I've had many flashbacks today of a what I endured last year on this date.
But God brought us through it, and now with more trust, faith, and love for our Lord Jesus.
This morning God put a smile on my face right after I woke up. I went to my daily calender and flipped to June 10th, and this is what it said~

I am the Lord who heals you.
Exodus 15:26

Oh how beautiful those words were to me this morning. If only I had been home last June 10th to see what my calender said.
I praise God for his healing. For allowing Dr. Moore to heal me with his hands. I praise him for another year of life, and hopefully many more to come.

I was thinking back to the day of my surgery, Up at Mayo hospital in Minnesota, a strange place to us, and when they took me from my husband to walk me downstairs for surgery. Kevin couldn't come with me. So we parted ways. I was scared. I wrote about this in my blog, here is the  link, but I just remember them putting me in this bed, in this big hallway, all these people were lined up in beds, waiting for surgery, only separated by curtains. It was weird! I was so riddled with anxiety in that bed waiting for surgery. I wanted my husband with me. I was so anxious they felt sorry for me and tried to call Kevin, but he had already left, probably went to eat breakfast or something. But today, As I read my devotional book for June 10th, It is written as though Jesus is speaking to you, and it says~

"As you gaze anxiously into the distance, you don't even feel the strong grip of My hand holding yours. Remembrance of Me is a daily discipline. Never lose sight of MY presence with you".

Oh how I wish I would have had that devotional book with me that morning, while waiting there to have surgery.

How amazing how both my calender and my devotional book both relate to my circumstance today. How amazing is our God? Every little detail he works out.

I can't say that if I had to go through that all over again I wouldn't be scared, but after what he has brought me through this past year, I have so much more trust in him.

As I waited for surgery a year ago, I should have thought about God being right there with me, holding my hand in his, because He was with me.

This was a year of many trials for me, with follow ups every three months, and all the pains that go along with a having a neck dissection surgery, which of course every pain I get, I think, Oh no, is it the cancer back? Then I have to get out God's word and stop myself from worrying. It's such a waste of time, and as I shared in one of my last posts, "God's got this"
Today I celebrate another year of life without cancer, On Tuesday I go back to mayo for a follow up. This time, with no PET scan. I am trusting God with the results of that follow up.

I looked at my kids today in a different way, thankful that I am able to be here and be their mom.

I looked at the day as a blessing. I look at swallowing and eating as a blessing.

Kevin reminded me tonight of my four ambulance rides last summer from bleeding, and he pointed out the chair I sat in for a few months where my pole sat beside the chair, where I hung my food bags for my feeding tube. All very unpleasant memories. But those unpleasant memories bring joy and beauty that today there is no ambulance rides, there is no bleeding, there is no feeding tube attached to my face. There is health, and happiness, and blessings. We have grown as a family because of it, and became closer because of it, and God has been so faithful to us. Today, a year later I can rejoice in things that I didn't find worthy of rejoicing of before cancer.

God is good. All the time. Even when he doesn't answer prayers. I prayed that it wasn't cancer, and it was. But you know, God brought blessing after blessing from that cancer. He brought us to a wonderful church family, who took care of us like family after my surgery, for two months we had someone here every single day taking care of our family. I had a sister that slept on my couch, and sacrificed her comfort and sleep, just in case I started bleeding. I had a friend who gave up many many days of her summer to be here taking care of us. I had a husband who was there for every little need I had, even just when I felt scared I could wake him and he'd sit with me and calm me down. Just blessing after blessing after blessing. I could see Jesus all over the place.

He didn't leave me to fend for myself with the cancer. He was there. Just as he is today, right here, still, holding my hand, and rejoicing with me that I am still here today.
God is so good. I don't know how I could have made it through this without him.

I think I'll go have some ice cream with my kids.

Blessed be the name of the Lord. My healer.

Me.   1 year anniversay cancer free.

 My scar one year ago.
My beautiful scar and testimony of a loving faithful, healing God.

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