About You

You are LOVED by God. There is nothing you can do, or can't do to make him love you more or less. He loves you because he loves you. Because you are His child.

More then your past
Worth it
A treasure
You matter.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

My head is spinning

Well today has been quite the interesting day as far as my cancer journey is going.
First of all, my ENT from Waukesha who found my cancer, had their tumor  board meeting this morning, it was with two oncologist, and himself, (he is the surgeon that took my tonsils out) They called me this morning after their meeting to tell me what they came up with. I was driving with Kevin, we were on our way to get a second opinion on radiation at the Medical college of Wisconsin. Well, the doc said that from all my pathology reports from Mayo, that they didn't think I needed radiation, that I should be done, and just be watched close, every two months. I cried on the phone with the doc, tears of joy of course.
So then, we went to the apt at the Medical college, met with the radiation oncologist, he said he looked at my pathology report, and they think I DO need radiation. UGH.
So, I have two different opinions in one day. Perfect.
Then the oncologist calls me from the tumor board meeting and is all happy, telling me that she thinks my margins looked great, blah, blah and was happy to say I didn't need radiation. I tell her that we were just at the medical college and they told me I need it. She was surprised to hear it.
It gets better. This humana nurse called me, she calls like once a month to check on me, I tell her my dilemma with the radiation among other things.
I hang up with her, and decide I am going to call the doctor who did my surgery at Mayo and talk to him again. I called, and he called me right back. He said, I am assuming you are calling because you dont' know if you should do radiation or not right? I said yes! I explained to him that I was confused because he told me twice I didn't need radiation, then the third time I saw him he said the oncologist said I should have it, and that our tumor board here said I didn't need it , then the medical college said I did! So this is what he says.  That I am really on the fence, there is no big bad indicators for radiation, my margins were clean, he was sure he got all the cancer. He said that because my cancer was from HPV that it's less aggressive. That he has 35 patients in the last three years, with the same cancer as me, with no radiation, and 97% did not recur. Only one person did in the tonsils and he then radiated that.
He said that if it were him, he wouldn't do radiation. He said I wouldn't be making a radical bad decision if I didn't do the radiation. So that was a pretty decent call, since he was my surgeon, knows what cancer he took out, what the margins were etc, I trust his judgement.
I hang up with him, and the Humana nurse calls back. Said she was bothered that I was in this position and couldn't make a decision, so she went to her director and talked to him about it, and he said I should call the surgeon who did my surgery, because he would have the best feel about if he got all the cancer or not. I told her, I just did that! That was strange. She said I sound like I have faith in my life, and maybe I should rely on that?
Hang up with her, and the oncologist from Waukesha calls me back. The same lady that said I didn't need radiation this morning. She said she called the University of Madison clinic and presented my case to a doc there, and he said, I need radiation!
How many different things can a girl hear in one day? This was absolutely absurd!
So I am more confused then I was before. I will still be praying for God to to lead me one way or another because I have NO idea what to do! I feel like I could lose my mind here.  :)  God please hit me with the billboard and tell me what to do!!
On a good note, I had some very positive things  happen today. I had my friend Debbie come over, who I haven't seen in forever. That was a blessing. I received an unexpected card from a friend with a coupon for an ice cream cake in it!  :)   Then two friends stopped over with flowers, banana bread for kids, and for me, $50 in Culvers gift cards for me to get shakes! (yes, I will buy my family ice cream with it too) . So there was lots of stress and confusion, but also some things that made my day and made me feel special and loved!
I am mentally exhausted. I almost feel like going to Culvers now at 8:45pm to get myself a shake and pray I can drink it. lol. But I think I should refrain until tomorrow. lol.
Actually I'd rather have a burger and fries, yeah right.
So that was today. Please pray for guidance for me!! I need God's leading here on what he wants me to do.

Love you all!!!

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