About You

You are LOVED by God. There is nothing you can do, or can't do to make him love you more or less. He loves you because he loves you. Because you are His child.

More then your past
Worth it
A treasure
You matter.

Sunday, March 20, 2011


OK, one more post! The kids are keeping themselves busy and the thought is on my mind so I have to share one more thing. :)

The link that I shared in the last post, the one about radiation, it was one month past my surgery date. I was returning to mayo for a swallow test. This just brought back raw memories that I don't ever want to forget. Even though they are bad memories, thankfulness comes from it.

When I did my first swallow test after surgery it was devastating to me to find out that I was not ready to have my feeding tube removed. I just think about how hard I tried on that test to swallow something the consistency of milk, and choked. Then I had to try to swallow apple sauce and just couldn't get it down. When I heard that women say, " I'm sorry but your just not ready to have the feeding tube out yet" I just felt the tears roll down my face. It was so frustrating to me to not be able to swallow, to have to get my nourishment from a tube. I recall the second swallow test, where I did better, swallowed the milky stuff without choking, then sort of got down the apple sauce, enough for her to say it was OK to take the tube out. But then coming home and thinking, " I am about to starve to death" because I could only take one small sip of water or at that time protein shake at a time ,then choke, then take another sip. It took me over an hour to get one glass down and they wanted me to have 5 or 6 shakes a day. There was just no way I could do it. They yelled at me at every visit I was losing too much weight. I think back to that, it was only 9 months ago that I could not swallow water. God has healed me so much in those nine months. I still can't swallow perfectly, things still get stuck sometimes, but I can eat and drink whatever I want, God restored me.

A few weeks ago I had a post on facebook, I was asking where I could find a kitchen apron for a cheap price because when I cook I always manage to get grease on my clothes, I got a few good suggestions from friends, and actually just this past Thursday found one for $10 at TJ Maxx. Then Saturday I went to a women's brunch at church and my "mom" Mary handed me a bag with a gift in it. I waited till I got home to open the bag. Inside was a yellow apron, with an Easter bunny on the front. All I could think was, " She is so thoughtful!" she never commented on my facebook post, so I didn't even know that she knew i was looking for an apron, you know that feeling you get when you find out someone was thinking of you, or paying attention to your life but you didn't know it? That's how I felt. I just felt really appreciative and cared for by her. What a nice surprise. What does this all have to do not being able to swallow? Well, when I emailed her and thanked her for her thoughtful gift, this is what mom wrote back to me~

"Yes, I saw your facebook message about the apron. I forgot about it until I came across this one accidentally and God brought your facebook message to me. I had to get it because Easter speaks of restoration and that is what he did and continues to do for you, so thank him not me."

She is so right. Here's a definition of restoration~
A return of something to a former, original, normal, or unimpaired condition.
God has healed and restored my tongue and throat so that I can swallow again. He also restored my body from cancer. I praise Jesus for this restoration of my body.

 I had to tell Kevin and the kids what mom said about the apron she bought me. Jake asked, what does Restoration have to do with Easter?  :)
I know Jake really knows this, he probably just didn't completely get the word restoration so I explained it to him.
Easter is when Christ rose from the dead, after being called a liar, spit on, beat, whipped, beard ripped out of his face, flogged, carried his own cross on his back and was nailed to it to die. For US. For YOU. Can you imagine? The God of the universe died for YOU. For your restoration.
We are pathetic dirty sinners who don't deserve to be in heaven with a holy God. But God loved us SO much that he sent his son to die for US. For YOU.  To restore us, from being dirty and black to clean and white as snow. When God looks at us, he sees Jesus. He doesn't see our dirty sin. We are restored. We are able to go to heaven because of Jesus, and only because of Jesus.
I will wear that apron with thankfulness to my Lord, for restoring me in so many ways.
I wish I had a decent camera to share a picture of the apron with you, I'm working on that. :)
John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

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