Seeing the beauty in things..........

God said so much this morning, how can I not be in awe by him? I didn't read all that much of his word this morning, it was more read a little bit and think on it, read a little more and think on it, he was just full of things to say to me this morning.

When I first came down the steps this morning and saw the snow, I thought, "that is not pretty anymore" But instantly God changed my mind and I thought, no, it IS pretty, even though I don't really want to see it anymore.

A little while later I was comfy in my chair by my kitchen window, dogs sitting by me, bible in my lap, and I couldn't help but stare at the snow just swirling around in the backyard and the bushes and tree branches covered with the beautiful white snow. It IS beautiful. I took pictures, which won't do it justice because it's just a crappy little camera, but I'll share them anyway. But it is beautiful, clean white snow. Reminds me of a song we sang at church last Sunday, Jesus washed us white as snow.

Anyway, sitting there, thinking about how I long for warm spring and budding flowers, and green grass, and hot summer days, I looked at that snow and thought, even though, yes even though I don't want it right now, it is still beautiful.

It reminds me of my cancer that I had. As I've said so many times, cancer was always a fear to me because of losing my mom to it at age 11. But right now, at this moment, I can say having had that cancer in our lives, is a beautiful thing. Having it, and going through the cancer itself was most certainly not beautiful, I am not going to make "fluff" of that! It was far from beautiful. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through and I know my husband and kids and family and friends would say the same.

I sure didn't want it at that season of my life, or any time for that matter. But it has brought beauty to my life. The ugly cancer brought beauty. I used to take the saying " Everyday is a gift" lightly. I don't anymore. Everyday that I wake up with breath is a gift to me now. Everyday that I get to do anything, get out of bed, swallow, eat, talk, spend time with my kids, clean the house, all gifts. I am here, alive and it's a gift. I look at life, at everything, through different eyes now because of the cancer. The cancer, made things more beautiful, made life more beautiful. I appreciate things so much more then I used to. That's a gift in itself. A gift from God that I would have never asked for! It's obvious that we are so small and don't see the big beautiful picture that God sees. Our minds can't understand it. We don't see the end product. The day I was told I have cancer in my body I was not thinking, oh that's wonderful!! I'm sure something beautiful will come of it! Those thoughts were far from my mind!

But God has turned something so ugly into something so beautiful in my life.

This morning I was also thinking and praying about a friend who is a cancer survivor, just reached her one year anniversary, and is waiting for a biopsy today to see if the spot they see is cancer or not. I think about her in waiting, like I was the last week, after they saw that spot on my liver, and waiting the entire week for the PET scan, and waiting on Monday from 6:30am to 3pm for the results of the scan.

I think how knowing Jesus, having a relationship with God and being close to him got me through that week with such peace. Sure I had a day when the evil one tried to get me worrying, but I had back up. I had friends with strong faith to call on, who gave me words of faith to bring my mind and heart back to Jesus and stop the nonsense. To bring me back to who was in control of my life and my body and my healing. God. If I didn't know Jesus, or read God's word, or have friends with strong faith, how would I have made it through that week? I would have never made it through with such peace as I did. God did that. As I said in my last blog, he sent me verses, daily devotions, calenders, you name it, every single day about fear. We need God in our lives for when those hard times come. If you read his word, and get to know him when things are good, it makes hard times easier. Sometimes I think that's why he allows struggles in our life. So that we pull closer to him, run to him, realize that we NEED him, that HE is in control. When life is running smooth, we think we are in control, but when things go bad, we quickly realize we are far from in control, that it's all up to God and we had better get on our knees. But God doesn't want to be a 911 call. He wants us to have relationship with him everyday, even when times are good. He wants us to get to know him and love him, then when troubles come, we can lean in on him for comfort.

But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out it's roots by the stream,
It does  not fear when heat comes;
Its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.
Jeremiah 17:7-8

This morning I will embrace the snows clean white beauty, and know that around the corner, the warmth of spring is coming. I pray that those that read my blog that don't know Jesus, that you would seek him. I pray that if you are in hard times, you seek his face for the good to come of it.

If you are a prayer warrior, please pray for my friend this morning. That her biopsy is not cancer.

much love.............