About You

You are LOVED by God. There is nothing you can do, or can't do to make him love you more or less. He loves you because he loves you. Because you are His child.

More then your past
Worth it
A treasure
You matter.

Monday, May 24, 2010

PET scan day

 Monday morning. It's PET scan day. God is good, I have no anxiety this morning.  I had an absolutely amazing weekend.
Thursday night I did a dumb thing, I was looking online at head and neck cancer and found some statistics. I got myself in a tizzy, thinking I'm going to die within 5 years because that's what the Internet told me. I was not looking to the Lord that night.  The next day i walked around in a funk and just couldn't seem to get myself out of it. Sat morning I took Jake to the chiropractor, and went grocery shopping, came home to find my brother in my driveway with his truck loaded up with patio furniture and a new grill for us. I just cried at his unbelievable generosity and love for us. He is such a loving brother, I am so blessed by how much he cares for me.
Saturday night I met with my sweet sweet  friend Mary at Starbucks. She is just another blessing that God has gifted me with.
She sat with me for 2 1/2 hours at Starbucks talking about cancer and our Lord. I can't express in words how much she filled my heart that night with words of comfort and wisdom. God was speaking through her. Things she reminded me of is that God is bigger than all of this. He is bigger then the doctors, and bigger then the statistics.  He is the ultimate physician.  He is in charge of my cancer, and my life.  I knew this , but it's so easy to forget these things. She gave me some really great advice, that when I am talking with doctors to look above their head and see who's standing over this. When they show  me xrays, to look above that picture and see my daddy Jesus standing there. Cause he IS there. Part of my fears too, were my kids and my husband.  I don't want m kids growing up without their mom like I did. I don't want my husband to lose another women he loves dearly to cancer. I want to be here for them.  Mary helped me to remember that these children, and Kevin, are not mine. They are God's. God loves Jake, Autumn, Ben, Gracie and Kevin more then I do. He knows what is best for them more then I do. Who am I?? He is God, I am only Amy. He cares for them so much, and whether I am here or not, HE will take care of them!! HE knows what is best for them!! Does that make me say OK Cancer you can have me? Oh no, I don't think so!! But it does give me comfort in remembering that he is their father and he loves them so much and he will take care of them, I don't have to try and fill God's shoes cause they are way to big for me to fill!!
He loves me, and he loves them, and he's in charge and that gives me comfort.
Sunday morning God also brought me lots of hope, and brought Kevin and I lots of love.  My church family is nothing but amazing. They cried with me. They hugged me, and held me and offered anything we need.

The sermon just happen to be written for me. ( not really! but it sure seemed like it!) It was about detours in our life. He talked about how we have our life all planned out. Like, I'm doing this in two weeks, in a year I'll do this, in 5 years I'll have this and go here and do that, but sometimes things don't go the way we planned. Sometimes a detour is placed in our path and we have to go a different way. A way that isn't what we planned, and we don't like it!
 I sure didn't have a cancer diagnosis in my plan! I forgot that my life is not my own, but it belongs to Jesus. 

Tommy said I can choose to curse the detour or make it powerful. This detour that I didn't plan could create something beautiful and amazing if I let it.
I like that.

He  also mentioned that we can be content to see what God will do. That is also something that made me think. Be content. Let God handle this. Quit scrambling around and listen to what he is trying to teach us here!

Pastor Tommy took time at the end of his sermon to pray for me. Everyone came over and put their hands on me as he prayed and we all cried! My bible that was in front of me on the chair was full of tears! God was so moving in church yesterday, just wrapping his loving arms around Kevin and I.  I was filled with positive thoughts. A young man came up and gave me a CD of his testimony, told m God worked a miracle in his life and wanted to share it with me. He made me weep with his love for me and we don't even know each other yet. We did listen to it when we got home and God sure did work a miracle in this young mans life with his health. God is able.  I am standing on these promises. God is bigger then this cancer and with him, we will get through this.  I asked God on the way to church yesterday, make yourself seen to me today. Boy did he ever.
My friend Becca said she felt the spirit when she was singing on stage, said God is going to do something big here. It gave me hope. I have hope in my God. Comfort in my God.Peace in my God.  I can't imagine going through this without knowing the Lord and having the church to support us through this.
God is good. He is blessing me through this cancer. Who would have thought? My biggest fear ever, getting cancer and I can say I am being blessed by it?
I am a little afraid of what the next few days will bring. I am not going to lie. I am afraid of hearing what they find on the PET scan, and afraid of getting surgery on Wed, but at the same time, I am feeling peace, that no matter what,  God is in charge. Someone that loves me more then anything and loves my family more then anything is in charge of this show. Thank the Lord!   I'm counting on God. Putting my faith and trust in him.  

The name of the LORD is a strong tower;
       the righteous run to it and are safe.  
Proverbs 18:10

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