I have to blog about this right now while it's fresh in my mind. I have been struggling the past few days with my relationship or should I say my closeness and love for Christ. Just have questions and as my friend Karen put it, "growing pains".
He showed himself again to me this morning two times.
First of all, from doing this blog and reading others, a women, from church, strong in her faith made a few comments on my blog, she found my blog through someone Else's blog. I since emailed her, and we just started talking, which was a blessing in itself. The thing that hit this morning and I knew was just not "coincidence" was this.
Since I started volunteering at middle school ministry, I met this sweet high school girl, who helps out w/the middle school kids. I have been amazed by her faith, and that she takes time in her life to work with the middle school kids, being she is in high school. I recall one day asking her where she went to school and she said " I am home schooled right now" I remember thinking I would love to meet her mom sometime. We have been talking about splitting our group on Wed night because it's getting to big, and the plan is that I would lead and Hannah will help me.
This morning I found out that the sweet women who I have become friends with through her commenting on my blog, and now emailing me IS Hannah's mom! ( I'm quite sure God has had this planned all along and I'm just figuring it out now)
Secondly, this morning I was in the shower. Praying that God help me with my struggle with food, help me to know how and when to start laying down my food for him because I have no desire to do so.
I come downstairs and pull out the binder for tonight's middle school ministry teaching, and what is the first thing I see? This paragraph-
"Procrastination isn't just a problem when it comes to getting our homework or our chores done; it affects how we follow Christ. Jesus wants us to follow him NOW.
I laughed! (and then I cried!) God has been showing himself and how close he is in my life a lot lately. He is really doing some chiseling away at me these days. Praise God. I'm so glad he's working in my life, in my heart, and changing me to be more like him. What a wonderful thing that he loves me so much.
Last night I heard this song on the radio and thought it was the most appropriate song for me right now......
It's called "Undo" by Rush of fools. Here's the lyrics..
Rush Of Fools - Undo From the album Rush Of Fools
I've been here before, now here I am again
Standing at the door, praying You'll let me back in
To label me a prodigal would be Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be
Chorus
Turn me around
pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place Of forgiveness and grace
I need You,
need Your help I can't do this myself
You’re the only one who can undo What I've become
I focused on the score, but I could never win Trying to ignore,
a life of hiding my sin
To label me a hypocrite would be Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be
Chorus
Make every step lead me back to The sovereign way that You
So today starts a new journey for me. I'm sure I will have much to blog about in the coming days.
2 comments:
I will be praying for you on this journey--God is so good to have all the little details of our lives all planned out!!
Amy,
Not having Deb to take care of right now, I had time to visit your "blog" site.
I read.....I have been struggling the past few days with my relationship or should I say my closeness and love for Christ.
My question is...Do you just "Feel" your not close enough to God? In over eight years I have taken care of Debbie, I wondered at times if I wasn't "right with God". Why is this all happening to us, etc..
Right now, it seem's thing's are soon going to come to a end, and I wonder..did I do enough? was I right with God? a lot of questions come to my mind. '
But one thing I remember, is that when deb and I had some marriage problems we had counceling with Pastor conn. Although i didn't like some of the thing's he told me, one thing alway's stuck in my mind and heart.
"Love is NOT a feeling, it is a action" that is what Pastor told me, and it stuck. It is one of the reason's that no matter how frustrated I may become, and no matter how hard thing's get...your actions are what show love. Not your feeling's!
You have been a great mother, a good wife, and if at times your "feeling's" make you think your un-loving, or not right with God...it just might not be the case!
Let's just say..you take your children to church,church activities, feed them, make your husband happy, but sometime's the frustration makes you think.."I hate this"!!
Doesn't mean you don't love the Lord! It's normal. Your action's show love, not the "feelings" you have at times.
That's my input anyway, and it's what I tell myself at times when i feel my "thoughts" are wrong.
Thoughts don't mean much. it's your action's that show where your heart is.
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