About You

You are LOVED by God. There is nothing you can do, or can't do to make him love you more or less. He loves you because he loves you. Because you are His child.

More then your past
Worth it
A treasure
You matter.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Came to my Rescue-Hillsong United

We sang this song last Sunday at church and I've had it stuck in my brain ever since!! I think it's my song of year.
I just love the lyrics, they ring so true to me.
I called, and he answered. He came to my rescue.  He sure did. He got me through almost 3 months of a cancer journey. Stood by my side and helped me through it. Sent help from every direction to help my family during that difficult time. What an amazing God we have.
I also think about all the praying we did for an answer on the radiation and he answered. Thank you Jesus. 

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

My scar

I wanted to share something that my sweet friend Nora wrote for me. I think in the past I would have been self conscience about a scar on my neck the size of the one I have, but  I won't be with this one.  I will look at that scar as testimony of God's love forever.
This cancer has forever changed me as a person and has really made me realize what a gift life is.
Thank you Nora for writing this for me. :)

I love my scar….Why I love my scar..

it reminds me that I am alive, that I am healed, that I am loved

When I look in the mirror it tells me that I am beautiful, I am a princess of the most High

God. I am His child and I am special in His eyes and He took care of me.

I love my scar because it reminds me that I have a loving husband who would do

anything for me. A husband who suffered in silence while I was in pain. A husband

who cried with me and for me during my times of trouble. My scar reminds me that my

husband looks at my scar and thanks God I am alive and well and still here for him.

It reminds me I got a second chance at life and I can take sons to ball games and play

house with girls

My scar reminds me that God can handle all things

It reminds me I am healed, My scar is a reminder for me to take care of myself and not

take my life for granted, but to cherish every moment as a special one.

My scar reminds me I can breathe, and swallow and chew and taste all the food and

candy and ice cream I want. I can talk and laugh and cry. I can hug my husband and

kiss my children and tell them with my tongue and mouth how love I love them.

Oh how I wish I could lend my scars to those who complain because it is raining, or

cold, or dark, if they only had a scar they would know…..

They would know that life is a gift, given by God and it is what we do with it and how we

react to it that will make all the difference. Every moment is a Blessing and we spend

too much time complaining.

My scar is a part of me now, and it helps me see life as I should have seen it so long

ago, to be content in any situation, to trust God for He knows what He is doing, to be

grateful of so many blessings and above all to put everything in God’s hands, for He will

take care of them.

My scar is visible and when I smile it smiles with me. I love my scar, I love my life, I love

my children, I love my husband, I love God. I love my scar.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Faith like a mustard seed.

I'm trying to piece things together this morning, I know God is trying to teach me something about having faith in him right now. The theme is coming up over and over in my morning bible readings, emails from friends, and Pastor Tommy's sermon.
As usual, I'm a bit slow to get what he's teaching me, it takes days of it for my brain to say, "Hey, I think God's trying to tell me something here", lol. Typical Amy. I was always a slow learner. lol. 
I love how he doesn't give up though, he just keeps on keeping on with me till it clicks.

So last week, I had bible study with the girls on Thurs night. One of my sweet friends Nora noticed some "worry" in my eyes. The next day she emailed me. She said I was on her mind. (God again, just like when my pastor couldn't sleep until he emailed me) God was going through Nora to get to me. I had things in the back of my mind about my tooth pain being cancer. I was trying to push it out, but it wasn't working, the devil was flooding my mind with stupid thoughts.  Nora encouraged me in her email reminding me of the story of Elijah, how he knew God well, he was a great prophet, and yet at one point, he lost his faith, got scared and ran away! But just like with me, God did not give up on Elijah, he pursued him, sent the angel of the Lord to talk with him.  Just like God sends people to talk to me. So cool how God works like that. He spoke through Nora to give me some faith, to stop thinking negative about the pain, and think about Jesus and trust in him.
On Sunday I heard the most wonderful sermon, which of course was not prepared special for me, but sometimes it sure seems that way! Our Pastor was talking about Moses, and his great dependence on God, how he trusted God every step of the way. Tommy gave such great examples of Moses faith, like how God used the shepherd staff with Moses, and told him to throw the staff down on the ground and it turned into a snake, but when reading that we don't think of what may have been going through Moses mind, or what would be going through ours! Like when he threw the stick on the ground was he thinking, Is the stick going to do anything? What if I throw it down and it does nothing?? But Moses trusted in God when he told him to do it, and he did it. His faith was strong, and the stick turned into a snake. When Moses was leading the people out of Israel, and they were being chased by the Egyptian army, they came up against the sea, they thought they were trapped and were going to die, but God told Moses to raise the staff, and again, he trusted God, and raised the staff, and the sea separated!   I don't do this any justice like my Pastor did, but the point was that Moses couldn't see ahead, he didn't know what was going to happen w/the staff, but he just went ahead in faith and did what God told him to do!  I can totally see myself standing there w/the staff and God says throw it down, or raise it up and I'd stand there thinking well, what if it doesn't work? Is it really going to do something? What if I look like an idiot? I do that in my own life all the time! I am not trusting him, my faith is weak! That sermon hit me so much! Am I trusting God or am I doubting him every step of the way? He told me I didn't need radiation, so why am I not trusting in him that he healed me?! Duh!
This morning I was reading in Matthew again, and God fed thousands of people twice on a little amount of food, he made it "enough" to feed thousands. But yet the disciples just didn't get it. They were in the middle of these miracles and still not understanding the power of Jesus.  Jesus even said them, "You of little faith!"  The commentary says, "If you  simply step forward in faith and believe, then you will begin to see the miracles that God can do with your life!"  God also gave the disciples the authority to do healing in people, but there was a demon possessed boy that they couldn't heal, because they weren't believing in Jesus power. Again, Jesus said to them, "Because you have so little faith, I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can stay to this mountain move from here to there and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you".  Jesus was trying to encourage them  to greater faith, just as he is doing with me.
My commentary says if we feel weak or powerless as Christians, we should examine our faith, making sure we are trusting in GOD'S abilities not our own.  That is one example of where I have been failing in my faith. I was trusting in only what the doctors did to remove my cancer, but God is bigger then that! I can have faith that God has healed me, if he hadn't he wouldn't have given Kevin and I peace about not doing radiation. I need to trust in him, my faith needs to be stronger in the Lord. I love how his word comes alive and pertains to my life when I actually take time to read it and let God speak to me.  His word is living and active, sounds kooky but it's so true! People wonder, how can I hear God? How does he "talk" to us. Take some quiet time and read the bible and he will speak to you. God is so amazing.  I love my time with him in the morning. I think I have rambled on long enough and Gracie is awake now and needs some attention.

Faith like a mustard seed is what we need.
Matthew 17:20.

love you!

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Morning time

6am is a good time  to spend with my Lord Jesus. I really enjoy this time, and I don't know why some mornings when the alarm goes off and I just don't want to get out of bed, why I don't just think about how nice it is to have this peace and quiet in the house, and be able to focus on what is most important, my relationship with God!
It's always during these times that my spirit can hear him speaking to me and reassuring me when I need him to that he is there. I'm slowly reading Matthew, I usually only do a few chapters a day because I spend so much time reading the commentary on the bottom too.
This morning I was reading about how Jesus dismissed the crowd, then went up on the mountainside by himself to pray. To spend time with his father.  He knew how important that was. I sometimes feel too tired in the morning to get my butt out of bed, but I need to remember how important this time is, to be in the presence of God without all the distractions of my kids and the day.
Right after that is the story about the disciples in the boat, and Jesus comes walking out on the water and they are afraid until he says "It is I, don't be afraid!"
But the part about Peter is what struck me, how  he said, "Lord if it's you, tell me to come" and Jesus said "come" and Peter walked on water, but the second he took his eyes off Jesus, and his faith got weak, he started to sink! He started focusing on his situation, the waves, and not focusing on who was in front of him. I do that all the time!
Lately, I've been having quite a bit of pain from the wisdom tooth extraction/dry socket, and the devil has been taunting me with thoughts of "my ear is hurting because it's cancer".  That thought comes into my head because ear pain is a sign of cancer of the head and neck, and I did have some before I had the cancer removed.  But when I think those thoughts, I am just letting my mind wander, I'm not taking control of my thoughts or keeping my eye on Jesus and who is in control of my life and the cancer. God is bigger then the cancer and I find myself not trusting in him. That is where the devil gets the best of me, when I take my eyes off Jesus, and start thinking on things that just are not truth.  God reminded me this morning during my time with him that I need to keep my eyes on HIM, not letting my mind drift off thinking thoughts that are untrue. I like how during my time with him in the morning he reminds me of things. I am thankful for that. He sure is good to me. You know sometimes when we tell our kids things and they just keep doing something stupid over and over, and you think, why don't they listen to me? God is so gracious. He doesn't get irritated with me when I get fearful, he just gentle reminds me in his word, to keep my eyes on him. He reassures me when I am feeling weak that he's here. He's powerful and I need not worry my little self. I like that. I think I will really enjoy worship music again this morning at church because I can think about how much he loves me and cares about me when I am singing to him and praising him this morning. He cares for and loves each and everyone of us that much. Every little detail of our lives he cares about it. How amazing is that? If your ever feeling alone, know that he is there and he loves you so much, even on days that you don't feel it, he's there like a daddy waiting with open arms inviting you to come to him. Just amazes me.

Monday, August 2, 2010

God's love

I have been meaning to update! I think about the blog daily and the people that are wondering what is going on here at the Vander Galien house! I'm so sorry, it's hard to get time to think to write in here, hopefully no one will wake up for awhile so I get a little quiet to think here.
First I want to post a song that we sang yesterday at church. It's not a new song, It's been my ring tone on my phone for about 6 months, but yesterday the song made me tear up at church because it became more real to me.
Here's the link. Really listen and read the words, it's an amazing song. But it's also an amazing truth. God loves us. He loves you. Right where you are, in whatever is going on in your life, however you are living, he loves you. He is jealous for you. He wants you to be in relationship with him.
When I was singing that song yesterday, I was capturing his love, in how he took care of me and my family during this super hard time we went through the past three months or so. I thought about how I prayed and begged for an answer on the radiation, and he kept my pastor up at night and spoke to him to send me an email. That is love. He loves me, cares about me and my little life enough that he had my pastor send me an email. He loves me enough to make it clear to me, just like I asked him to. He loves me and my family so much that he put it in my sweet friend Mary's heart to swoop me up under her wings as soon as I got that cancer diagnosis and minister to me, spiritually, everyday she was there to lift me up, and organized all the help, and gave of her own time to cook and help our family. He loved me and my family to send all these wonderful people to help me with my kids, and cleaning my house, and taking care of my family. He loves us. When you get to know him, and rely on him, and read his word, you get to know his love. Yesterday our sermon touched a lot on how Jesus suffered for us, so we can have eternal life. Brutal suffering, for us. For YOU. Yesterday that song had a lot of meaning to me, more then it ever did. He's as close as the air you breathe, and he loves you. Wow. God is amazing.
As for me, things are sloooowly getting better! I am still drinking lots of protein shakes, but I am also beginning to be able to eat real food too! Praise God!
It takes me a long time, because the tongue is just not quite functioning well yet, but I can break things in smaller pieces and eat it. Swallow food isn't hard at all, it's just getting it chewed up to swallow it that is the problem, but everyday I have been eating some type of real food, which is very encouraging!! Yesterday I even ate  a few french fries! I also finally tried to drink coffee at church, which I have been missing for 3 months, and it went down pretty well. Tasted so good! My taste buds are slowly coming back also. I dont' get the full effect of the taste yet, but it's coming back. I am hoping that it comes back all the way, eating just isn't as fun when you can't taste how yummy the food is! But one step at a time I guess!
Speaking of  food, I have been reading this book called Beating Cancer with Nutrition. Wow is it good. I wish I would have read this book years ago!! I got it from my doc's office. Everyone should seriously read this book!  We are going to be making some changes in our eating habits in this house, that is for sure!
I now have my subscription to "Clean eating" magazine! lol.  The book talks alot about how what we eat effects our body and our immune system and how that can effect diseases we get or don't get! I want to stay healthy, and want my husband and kids to be healthy! So I need to learn a new way of cooking and eating to keep us all healthy! I also see a doc in Illinois, who is an MD, a cardiologist and a biochemist. I know he has more to his credentials but I can't remember them all, but I see him, now once a month for IV immuglobins and vitamins. Everything that he has told me in the past months I am now reading in this book. (and the book was not recommended by him!) I have never had good eating habits, and never really took many supplements or had any knowledge of what good they did until I got cancer, started seeing this doc, and now reading this book. So, that's new and exciting for our family, changes in eating and taking nutritional supplements to stay healthy! Oh, and I also read that sugar feeds cancer. I didn't know this! and sugar is one of my big big downfalls. I was a total addict before I got cancer. Now we will be much more cautious about how much sugar we put in our mouths in this house. Not saying we'll never have treats, I dont' want to go over board here, but we will be cutting way down on the sugar!  :)
Oh yeah, I had the wisdom tooth oral surgery on Friday. It went just fine! I had myself so worked up over that, I guess after the other three surgeries, I was just so sensitive to that stuff, I wasn't ready! But he gave me some Valium ahead of time, and used the gas and it was a piece of cake! I was ready to tell him to rip the other one out too but I refrained myself. He did a good job. Really only had one day of pain, the next day wasn't too bad, and now it's more of an ache. But my ear has been bothering me on that side and I pray it's because of the tooth!! Because, ear pain is one of the signs of head/neck cancer, and I did have a little of it before my surgeries.  But I did see my Ent in Waukesha last week, he scoped up my nose w/the camera and looked at everything and said everything looked good. Said I still have  a scab on my tongue! I was kinda surprised to hear that, but he didn't see  any signs of cancer. He felt my neck for lumps and bumps and didn't feel anything, so God willing the ear pain is from the tooth and it will go away soon!!! Please keep me in your prayers. That eating improves, taste improves and cancer stays away!!
love you all!!