Thanks Pastor Josh

I decided I was going to go catch up on blog reading. My friend and youth pastor at church Josh posted something today that he said he stole from somewhere else, It just SO relates to my life right now and my walk with Christ that I have to steal it myself. I hope you don't mind Josh, but I was thinking this morning how long it's been since I blogged but just couldn't think of how I wanted to word things, or how I even really felt! This is a great example. Here it is.....

Chapter I.

I walk down the street.There's a deep hole in the sidewalk.I fall in.I am

lost...I am helpless;it isn't my fault.It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II.

I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I pretend I don't see it.I fall in again.I can't believe I am in the same place;but it isn't my fault.It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III.

I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I see it is there.I still fall in....it's a habit.My eyes are open.I know where I am.It is my fault.I get out immediately.

Chapter IV.

I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I walk around it.

Chapter V.

I walk down a different street.

"Pretty good image for the Christian experience, isn’t it? Wouldn’t it be great if we could all learn from the “holes” in life and NOT repeat the inevitable one-way ticket back to the bottom? Instead of blaming, instead of succumbing to habit, if we could trust the Lord to guide us to a new “walk” in life, our lives would be different.
Transformation occurs when we are committed to being formed into the likeness of Jesus. Learning to follow Jesus is about learning to walk down streets that are different. Today, choose to walk down a “different street.”

I am in the hole again. When am I going to learn to walk down a different street?

A few weeks ago I was walking around the hole pretty well. Maybe not quite down a different street but I was walking around the hole. I apparently forgot how terrible and scary and sucky the hole was so I fell in once again.

I'm talking about my eating. This morning I asked for prayer in bible study for my obedience to Christ. On the way home, I almost felt confused, am I being disobedient? Is this even really something God cares about? Why am I confused now? Does the devil have his hand in this? Was I making up my own laws , or what is sin or is it really sin? arg.

To me, falling back to my old eating patterns feels like a hole to me. Eating things I said I wasn't going to eat, or eating when I'm really not that hungry, knowing that's giving into something other then real hunger, giving into my fleshy needs instead of going to God, I'm just eating. A few short weeks ago, I could resist that temptation. ( I shouldn't say "I" because it wasn't me) but things were going along smoothly until the girl scout cookies entered the house. Seems like since that day my "fruit" of self control, has gone somewhere else. My hatred of sin has also gone somewhere else, and honestly I don't like it. I almost feel like, I don't care. Then I try to rationalize, is it really sin? Maybe it's not so bad. Jeez, it sounds like something an addict would say. I wonder why that is.

I obviously can't be as close to God right now because of this. The guilt is there. I know he still loves me, even if I am a sinner stuck in a hole, but why does this happen? Why can't I beat the "giant" of a food addiction through Christ? (which by the way is another story! Josh was teaching this week at middle school ministry about David and Goliath, and how with God we can beat our Giants, and I had to go lead a group of 7th grade girls on this, and can't even seem to do it myself!) How could I do it for a short time, then it just falls by the wayside? Where did I decide to be disobedient and think that sin was OK? I am totally rambling here.

On the way home from bible study I also thanked God for my dad that agreed to try out watching my kids this week while I attended bible study. When I walked in the door he had that "look" on his face. He said, " I don't' ever want to do this again" :) Bless his heart. I had to smile, and laugh, but I don't' blame him. MY kids are a lot of work! I appreciate the fact that he gave it a try. But what do I do next week? ugggggg.....

Let's switch to a positive thing here......My little boy turned 4 today. He is just so happy to be 4 and be such a "big boy". I just love him to pieces. I love all my kids to pieces and feel so blessed to have them, and that they are all healthy. There's a praise to God. I have 4 beautiful, sweet, charming, naughty, nice, healthy kids. :)

Time for me to stop talking now.......lol.