Maybe I'm a slow learner, more then likely though, I'm learning just as God wants me to learn. As my friend Diane says, "step by step".
Last week I was called to fast. At first I didn't know it, but the thought kept coming into my mind over and over. As much as I didn't want to do it, I finally decided that is what he wanted me to do. What I thought it was all about was to help me get off the junk food and get moving on eating right. Maybe that was PART of it, I'm not entirely sure, but as I started the fast, I got my OWN ideas. I wasn't even sure how long I'd be fasting, I was going to wait for God to tell me when to stop. By day 3 I had my ideas of going off the fast with vegetables, then starting fruits, then starting meats and eating all healthy and perfect. I'm quite sure these were MY ideas and rules but didn't know it at the time. I did the fast for 3 1/2 days, then broke it with carrots as I planned. I emailed Kevin at work asking him to stop on the way home for some the ingredients to make vegetable soup. Well, he didn't come home until after 6. By then I had already given in to a craving of pretzels. Then I ate what I was making my kids for dinner, a taco. So much for eating vegetables an fruits. I had blown it already. I was not happy with myself. Having a pity party. What is wrong with me? I'm weak. It's true. I am weak, no doubt about that. But two days later when I saw Diane she reminded me that maybe the only eating vegetables and fruits was not God's plan or idea but mine. I think she was right. She reminded me that I am like a child, and you can't expect a child to go from first grade to high school in a day. That God takes us step by step. Maybe I didn't make an overhaul in my eating in those three days, but God did teach me something. He taught me that I am able to resist food. I didn't eat for 3 1/2 days! I find it VERY difficult to choose healthy good foods over junk. That is a huge problem I have. I also like to snack when I'm really not all that hungry, just for pleasure, and God doesn't like that.
Anyway, I guess the point of that all is God asked me to do something and he helped me do it. I was able to fast when he asked me to fast. He was there with me to help me along, and if I'd just give up the junk food for him, he'll be there with me to help me through that too. But will I do it? I don't want to. Why? Because I enjoy eating junk food. So what does that mean? It means that I am putting junk food before God. I am telling myself, and GOD that I'd rather have the junk food then him. How sad is that? The thing is, I know it, and God convicts me of it, and I hate that fact that I am choosing a stupid food that isn't even good for me over the GOD of creation. But I have a really hard time controlling it, I say one thing, then do another.
This morning I was doing my bible study on the book Idols of the heart and it brought me to Isaiah 26. This is what Verse 10 says - "Though grace is shown to the wicked (me), they do not learn righteousness; even in a land of uprightness they go on doing evil and regard not the majesty of the Lord. "
That's exactly what I am doing. I just go on sinning and not bother to think about our holy God.
At the bottom of my study bible the explanation for verse 10 says this~ "Even wicked people receive God's benefits, but that doesn't teach them to do what is right. Sometimes God's JUDGEMENT teaches us more then God's good gifts. If you have been enriched by God's goodness and grace, respond to him with your grateful devotion."
I AM receiving his grace right now, he is being patient with me, even though I am being absolutely ridiculous. But this also gave me back my healthy fear of God. He is loving, but he is also capable of making me pay for being so disobedient. I already have the consequence of being heavy for eating the junk food. But God could allow something worse to happen to me. This prompted me this morning to make a list. It's not real long, but it's a list to look at when I decide that I am going to eat something junky.
Last week I was called to fast. At first I didn't know it, but the thought kept coming into my mind over and over. As much as I didn't want to do it, I finally decided that is what he wanted me to do. What I thought it was all about was to help me get off the junk food and get moving on eating right. Maybe that was PART of it, I'm not entirely sure, but as I started the fast, I got my OWN ideas. I wasn't even sure how long I'd be fasting, I was going to wait for God to tell me when to stop. By day 3 I had my ideas of going off the fast with vegetables, then starting fruits, then starting meats and eating all healthy and perfect. I'm quite sure these were MY ideas and rules but didn't know it at the time. I did the fast for 3 1/2 days, then broke it with carrots as I planned. I emailed Kevin at work asking him to stop on the way home for some the ingredients to make vegetable soup. Well, he didn't come home until after 6. By then I had already given in to a craving of pretzels. Then I ate what I was making my kids for dinner, a taco. So much for eating vegetables an fruits. I had blown it already. I was not happy with myself. Having a pity party. What is wrong with me? I'm weak. It's true. I am weak, no doubt about that. But two days later when I saw Diane she reminded me that maybe the only eating vegetables and fruits was not God's plan or idea but mine. I think she was right. She reminded me that I am like a child, and you can't expect a child to go from first grade to high school in a day. That God takes us step by step. Maybe I didn't make an overhaul in my eating in those three days, but God did teach me something. He taught me that I am able to resist food. I didn't eat for 3 1/2 days! I find it VERY difficult to choose healthy good foods over junk. That is a huge problem I have. I also like to snack when I'm really not all that hungry, just for pleasure, and God doesn't like that.
Anyway, I guess the point of that all is God asked me to do something and he helped me do it. I was able to fast when he asked me to fast. He was there with me to help me along, and if I'd just give up the junk food for him, he'll be there with me to help me through that too. But will I do it? I don't want to. Why? Because I enjoy eating junk food. So what does that mean? It means that I am putting junk food before God. I am telling myself, and GOD that I'd rather have the junk food then him. How sad is that? The thing is, I know it, and God convicts me of it, and I hate that fact that I am choosing a stupid food that isn't even good for me over the GOD of creation. But I have a really hard time controlling it, I say one thing, then do another.
This morning I was doing my bible study on the book Idols of the heart and it brought me to Isaiah 26. This is what Verse 10 says - "Though grace is shown to the wicked (me), they do not learn righteousness; even in a land of uprightness they go on doing evil and regard not the majesty of the Lord. "
That's exactly what I am doing. I just go on sinning and not bother to think about our holy God.
At the bottom of my study bible the explanation for verse 10 says this~ "Even wicked people receive God's benefits, but that doesn't teach them to do what is right. Sometimes God's JUDGEMENT teaches us more then God's good gifts. If you have been enriched by God's goodness and grace, respond to him with your grateful devotion."
I AM receiving his grace right now, he is being patient with me, even though I am being absolutely ridiculous. But this also gave me back my healthy fear of God. He is loving, but he is also capable of making me pay for being so disobedient. I already have the consequence of being heavy for eating the junk food. But God could allow something worse to happen to me. This prompted me this morning to make a list. It's not real long, but it's a list to look at when I decide that I am going to eat something junky.
Why should I be obedient with my food?
1. Because he commands it, and God's ways are best.
2. Because I don't want to receive his judgement/wrath or for him to allow something else to happen to me because of my bad eating habits. (healthy fear of God)
3. Because he has given me Grace as a sinner, he is patient and loving to me, teaching me and giving me chances to "get it".
4. Because he loves loves me and he only wants what is best for me.
5. Because I love him. I owe him.
6. He is God. God of everything, everyone, the great I AM. Who am I not to be obedient to him?
I know I can't be perfect, but I should sure be giving it more of a shot. I feel blessed that he cares enough about me that he convicts me about this time and time again. I do grow weary of this entire food problem and really just want to throw in the towel some days and say forget it. This is just too hard and I am happier just eating junk and being fat. But he reminds me- get back up and try again Amy, he still loves me.
1 comment:
It's in the process that we learn--if He snapped His fingers and changed us, we wouldn't have to rely on Him.
Thanks for sharing, Amy. You should be so encouraged--you are learning big things from God!
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