Marriage

The last two days I had the opportunity to go to a marriage seminar by one of the pastors that God used to change my life. Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill church in Seattle. Without making him sound like an Idol to me, this was pretty exciting because I have been listening to sermons from him online for a few years, so it was pretty cool to actually get to see him in person, and even give him a hug!

I learned a ton at this seminar and I pray that I will be a changed wife because of it. It's easy to hear things, but it's the living it out that's the hard part! 

I'd like to share some of the things I learned at the seminar, and of course, put my two cents in too. ;)

One thing that he put a lot of emphasis on was that as married couples we need to have a friendship. Who would have thought? lol.

I know in my own personal marriage, I can say that Kevin is my best friend and really mean it in my heart, but is there really evidence of that in our marriage? Sadly, I'd have to say it we could be MUCH better friends. It seems most of our time is spent in the daily grind, work, and parenting, not a lot of time left over for us to  hang out as friends.

Here is something helpful that Mark gave us~

F~ Fruitful- Christ centered marriage. Jesus MUST be the center of your marriage. 

R~ Reciprocol- You pursue each other, not one person acting like a friend and the other isn't.  Ask yourself, "Am I a good friend to my spouse?"

Does one person in the marriage do all the work? Making dates, trying to start conversations, planning things, and the other does nothing? Both people should have equal parts in this.

I~ Intimacy- Women build intimacy through talk. LOTS of conversation.

Men build relationship through shared activities together.

He explained this in such a funny but truthful way, women can just go out for coffee and just talk about things, guys don't do that, they have to be doing something, like "working on something" to get together with a guy, then they talk while doing the activity. 

E~ Enjoyable- People need to have fun! Get dressed up and go have fun! Eat good food, blow some money and have fun with each other. ( I like this one, and we don't do this nearly enough!)

Have a date night once a week.

You can  get so busy "doing things" going through the motions, next thing you know you are old and bitter. Get out and have some fun and spend time together!

N~Needed- Wife should be by his side. She is needed. She is his helper.

It's better to do things together, not alone.

D~ Devoted- You should be a faithful friend, devoted spouse. Good times or bad, you are there for each other, devoted to one another no matter what.

S~Sanctifying- Marriage is NOT to make us happy, it is to make us HOLY. (This one really made me think!!)

Holiness then happiness.

That is really something to wrap your head around isn't it?

I have to go back to the first one, F for Fruitful. Jesus has to be the center of your marriage.  I'll be honest, Kevin and I do not have the perfect marriage. I know, shocker right? But I can say, the more and more that we put JESUS first in our own lives and in our marriage, the better it gets. The more we read the bible and build a relationship with God, and want to live for him, the better the marriage will get.  Honestly, I don't know how marriages survive without Jesus, many of them don't.

If every couple made Jesus the center of their life, their #1, God, then their spouse, then themselves, there would be no divorce. God doesn't like divorce. If we lived as mirrors of Jesus, there wouldn't be divorce! Why? Because Jesus was a servant. He didn't live for himself, he lived for others. This is how the bible teaches us to live. To be SECOND. Not to live for our own selfish desires and wants, but others first. What a concept hey? Think about it for a min. If you always put your spouse first, and your spouses needs first, and thought about and followed through on what would make your spouse happy, and your spouse was doing the same for you, no one would have any need for divorce! Why does divorce happen in the first place? Because we are sinful selfish human beings. We care about our own needs and wants, and what will make US happy.  It's true for any relationships we have in our life, try it for awhile, try putting your needs second, and your spouses, or friends, or anyone elses needs first and see what happens in your relationships. It's quite the challenge for us to be selfless like Jesus, the "world" is all about making "ME" happy, instead of others. We want what we want! We want to please ourselves! That is not the way that Jesus wants us to live.

Another big problem in our marriages and relationships is that there is no repentance and/or forgiveness. We do things wrong, we argue about it , no one wants to admit they did wrong and sinned against the other, and when someone does decide to humble themselves and say sorry, sometimes the other person is too proud or bitter to forgive. This is very damaging to our relationships.

God forgives us, he gives us grace for ALL our sin, this is what we need to do for our spouse.

Mark compared sin to trash. He said, sin  is like trash, and if we let trash build up and build up in our homes, it would really start to wreak and stink up our house! Sin left unrepentant and unforgiven will build up in a marriage, turn into bitterness and wreak havoc on our marriage.  He said, "take the trash out as fast as you can"! Makes perfect sense. When one sins against the other, we should be truly sorry, repent of it and ask for forgiveness. The other person should grant the forgiveness, and then it's OVER. No keeping track of wrongs, or holding on to bitterness.

Satan LOVES to destroy marriages. He wants to trick us, he wants us to be selfish and sinful and unrepentant and unforgiving, he wants our marriages to fail and he loves bitter people!

We should be fighting for our marriages!

Do things by God's power! Don't let Satan get a foothold in your marriage.

It takes two servants to have a good marriage. Ask your spouse how can I please you? What can I do to make you happy? Then do it!

I could share much more, but I'm going to leave it at this for now, I just challenge you, to live as Jesus did and be a servant and see what happens in your relationships. Put others needs before your own. Put your spouse before you. I am challenging myself to do the same.

Here's a picture of our teacher Mark Driscoll, my friend and sister in Christ Allie, and me. :)