I Surrender.

I was reading a devotional this morning that I got in my mail.

Something she wrote was God speaking directly to me,

 "Do you trust me Amy?"

Here it is~

"So I have a choice to make. Will I believe that God’s plans are better than my own? Will I risk stepping out of my comfort zone? Do I believe the growing pains I’ll face will be worth the blessings that will come?

 Do I trust God to really take care of me?"

Oh goodness.

I've been writing about it in my last few entries, that God has been speaking me to tons about my many sins, and things he wants me to run from and never look back like Lots wife.

Some things I have already begun doing, not perfectly of course, but I started! One thing I was holding on to was my shopping. Not just my shopping but all the shopping for the family.

I have never been good with money and tend to overspend. I've blogged about it before. It's one of those continuous battles I face that the evil one doesn't want me free from.

This morning I wrote my husband a letter (yes I did give it him) and let him know that I am ready to "surrender" my beloved shopping to him. (That's a good indication right there it's an IDOL for me, beloved?")

Shopping is my release. When I am stressed, I shop. When I am sad, I shop, when the kids and I need to get out of house, We shop! Yeah, that's a problem.

I told him I want to live for God and put God first, and I want to give God our first fruits and our first 10%, and that isn't going to happen with me doing the shopping. So I have to let it go.

I not only have to let that go, but I have to let go of my supplements. Now if you've had cancer, you will know this is some scary business. Since I had cancer I have been taking many many supplements a day to keep the cancer away. I've been trying to prolong my life by myself. That's a pretty big task considering I am not God. But that is where her writing spoke to me.

 Do I trust him or NOT?

 If I worship him as God, and I pray to him hoping for answers, then I must trust him right? Do I believe he is who he says he is?? I taught my kids this morning that God is Sovereign, that he controls everything, Do I believe that? So if he wants me to live, I'll live whether I take those supplements or not right? If he wants me to get cancer again and die, I will. Period. Why is it so hard for me to let go and let him be God?

Do I believe that he loves me? That he loves my husband and my kids, and my daddy? Yes I do. Then I need to believe he will only allow the best for me, even if it means giving up some things I love, or things I put my faith in? As I'm sitting here writing, I can hear my kids CD with kids singing the song.......How great is our God by Chris Tomlin.

How appropriate is that to be playing in the back ground?

How Great IS our God? How much does he love us? 

 He loved us enough to to die for us.

Can you think on that in simple terms if that is possible? If your spouse, friend, or even a complete stranger gave their life for you, for something you did wrong, would you feel you owed them something?

I feel I owe him something. My life.

As a living sacrifice to show him that I appreciate what he did for me.

Here's a beautiful song saying it all...........

There is no love,

Sweeter than the love

You pour on me.

There is no song,

Sweeter than the song

you sing to me.

There is no place that

I would rather be… than here

At your feet laying down everything.

All to you, I Surrender…

Everything, Every part of me.

All to you, I Surrender…

All of my dreams, All of me.

If worship's like perfume, I'll pour

Mine out on you.

For there is none deserving of my

Love like you.

So take my hand and draw

me into you.

I want to be swept away,

lost in love for you.

All to you, I Surrender…

Everything, Every part of me.

All to you, I Surrender…

All of my dreams, All of me.

I surrender, I surrender

(Cause I trust you God)

O, I surrender.

(All my hope is in you)

And I surrender.(I place all my trust)

O' I surrender (to you God)

O' I surrender (cause your ways are far better than mine)

OOOOoooo I Surrender… yea yea

All to you, all to you, yea, yea

O I Surrender, I surrender

I surrender (all to you my God)

O I Surrender, I surrender

I surrender…OOooooh…

No turning back, I've

made up my mind.

I'm giving all of my life this time

You're love makes it worth it.

You're love makes it worth it all.

You're love makes it worth it all.

You're love makes it worth it.

You're love makes it worth it all.

You're love makes it worth it all.

All to you, I Surrender…

Everything, Every part of me.

All to you, I Surrender…

All of my dreams, and All of me.

You're love makes it worth it.

You're love makes it worth it all.

You're love makes it worth it all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSgn-nmBpNY&feature=related