Trusting or Doubting

We had a sermon this Sunday about doubting God. It was a good sermon, but I think it spoke to me a bit differently then It might have spoke to others.
Maybe I'm wrong but I think our Pastor was gearing it towards new believers. That it's ok to doubt christianity or God sometimes, and ask questions because that is how we learn. Same for Christians that have been believers for a long time. Sometimes we doubt, so we should ask questions and get the answers. That doubting doesn't make us bad Christians. I agree with that. But in some cases, especially mine right now, I needed to stop doubting God and move on and be obedient so that I can see that he is faithful. I needed to just take a step out in faith and obey so I can see that God can do better. Not that I am making him prove something, just that I didn't even give him the opportunity to show me that there's better through him because I wasn't trusting him.
Thanks to my Friday morning bible study I was reading Joshua this morning and the story of the Israelites crossing the Jordan.
God wanted the Israelites away from all the sin and Idolatry so he led his people to the promise land. He parted the sea so they could get away from the people who were living in sin. When I really think about what a site this must have been, for everyone, it amazes me. But God does that for me today. He moves things out of my way, he opens my eyes to things, tells me when to move away from things that will cause me to sin or will tempt me. He's doing it for me just as he did for the Israelites back then, I just have to notice that he's doing it!
In the story for God to part the Jordan the priests had to be the first to step into the Jordan river carrying the ark of God, the river was at a flood state at the time. So it wasn't just a still, motionless river to step into, it sounds more like a raging river that you could be swept away in. The priests had to have FAITH that they would not be swept away. They took a step out in faith, and God parted the Jordan so they could pass through.
There is something written in my bible, at the bottom that explains to the reader what some passages might be trying to say. for vs 13 and 14 it has a comment that says this, " Often God provides no solution to our problems until we trust him and move ahead with what we know we should do. What are the rivers, or obstacles in your life? In obedience to God, take that first step"
This was a perfect story for me to read this week. I will share more in days to come what I am dealing with but in the past days God asked me to take a step out, to move on something and have faith and trust him that he'll be there. That what he has is better for me, If I am obedient and trust him, I did that, and this story confirmed to me that I am doing the right thing. I love how he reaffirms things sometimes. I've had people ask me, how does God talk to you. This is one of the ways. He talks through his word.

God is faithful and sometimes we have to stop doubting him and start believing him.

You shall have no other God's.

This is the most important commandment, yet probably also the most looked over, even by Christians, myself included.
God has really opened my eyes lately to this commandment.
There is SO much more to having another God then what people think. Having another God doesn't just mean worshipping a God like Allah, or making little statues to worship. Other "God's" can be as simple as pleasure. That's right, pleasure can be a God to you. Something that you love, something that you'll sin to get. Worship doesn't just mean bowing down to something. It means it's so important to you that you love it.
Something becomes an "Idol" when you love IT more then God. A few months ago my eyes were opened that food was an idol to me. I didn't think I could live the rest of my life with the thought that I may never be able to eat chocolate or cake again. That is exactly WHY it was an Idol to me. If you think you can't live without it, it's an idol, (another God to you).
In the book Idols of the heart she says something that impacted me. She says , "Disobedience springs from the worship of other God's". How true that is. I wouldn't be over eating if I wasn't worshipping food. If I was like my kids, and could care less about food, and only eat when I am told to. (Oh how I wish I will be like that someday!)
God has expanded my wisdom a little further now to understand there are SO many more idols (Gods) then just food for me. Pleasure happens to be another one. I would bet that pleasure is an idol in the majority of people's lives. Most people probably have no idea that it could be a God to them either. We live in such a self centered world, that everyone is always looking out for themselves, and worried if they themselves are happy, how could pleasure not be a God? That's the way the world is. Unfortunately a lot people live by the worlds ways/expectations instead of living by God's. When we become a Christian and accept Jesus as our savior we are called "born again" we are called to "put off" the old person, expected to be a new person and live in the spirit. We are to die to self. That means that self is not number one anymore. It's a hard concept to grasp because the world doesn't look at it like God does. When I get mad at my kids for making a mess, I'm really mad deep down because I have to clean it, and that takes "ease" and "pleasure" away from me. Interesting. So if I act in sin and get angry at my children (or husband) it's because I'm being selfish and thinking about my own pleasure instead of loving others and thinking about theirs. Not saying that I should allow my kids to be pigs but I have to look at WHY I get mad or upset sometimes, more then likely it's something selfish in my own heart. Another God. There are many more things that are God's to us and I'm sure in the coming days God is going to show me more of my idols that I need to get rid of and put him first. I pray that he does show me more because I don't want things like that coming between me and my father, this also helps me to love God more, because I realize more and more how much I don't keep the commandments, and how undeserving I am of salvation. When you use the bible as a mirror for your life it really helps you appreciate what Jesus did for us.

Sisters in Christ

Having sisters in Christ is so very important to me. I met with Diane again this past Saturday, and I SO needed it. Having other friends in our life that are following Christ and trying to be obedient are so important to have. I needed reinforcement. Back up, basically a smack upside the head. Someone who knows how to back everything up with scripture.

Basically what happened to me before was I gave in to temptation. I gave in to sin, and it grew big and it grew fast. Before you know it, your right back into the sin you were in before. That's what happened to me.

God provides a way out, I just didn't take it. He was there all along. Of course I have learned from it. If I give in to the thing that enslaves me I will go right back to being enslaved once again! Just like quitting smoking. You can't go back and just have ONE cigarette. It just doesn't work that way. It's the same way with this.

I have been sent a few email devotions in the past week, one of them was basically about getting rid of temptations. Just getting them out of the house so I am not tempted by them. What a concept that is. I guess I just needed a reminder.

Another one I got either today or yesterday I found really interesting, it was about Agape Love and Phileo love.

Phileo is defined as a brotherly type love, tender affection, true friendship. Agape love is a sacrificial and giving love, it's the laying down your life for another person type of love. The devotion talks about Jesus and Peter and how Jesus asks Peter if he loves him three times and Peter always answers yes. But what it really was, was Jesus saying, "Peter do you Agape me?" and Peter saying "Yes lord, I phileo you!"

This really hit me because that's basically what I have been doing to God. Yes, I love you, but not enough to give up my chocolate. Yes, I love you but I still want to follow my flesh and live in sin.

Diane said something that hit me this weekend too, it was about God hating sin. She said, God hates sin because it hurts us. Obviously he hates it because he's holy, but he also loves us to pieces and doesn't want us hurting ourselves. I like to think of it that way. Just like my children and I. I try to protect them, and hold their little hands, and tell them to do the right things, but sometimes they don't listen and they get hurt. But I love them anyway and hope that next time they will make the right decision. Thank you God for being so patient with me while I fumble around, thinking that I know what I'm doing but I don't. Thank you for giving me so many more chances then I deserve, for loving me so much that you will speak through other people to help me understand and know you.

Thanks Pastor Josh

I decided I was going to go catch up on blog reading. My friend and youth pastor at church Josh posted something today that he said he stole from somewhere else, It just SO relates to my life right now and my walk with Christ that I have to steal it myself. I hope you don't mind Josh, but I was thinking this morning how long it's been since I blogged but just couldn't think of how I wanted to word things, or how I even really felt! This is a great example. Here it is.....

Chapter I.

I walk down the street.There's a deep hole in the sidewalk.I fall in.I am

lost...I am helpless;it isn't my fault.It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II.

I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I pretend I don't see it.I fall in again.I can't believe I am in the same place;but it isn't my fault.It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III.

I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I see it is there.I still fall in....it's a habit.My eyes are open.I know where I am.It is my fault.I get out immediately.

Chapter IV.

I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I walk around it.

Chapter V.

I walk down a different street.

"Pretty good image for the Christian experience, isn’t it? Wouldn’t it be great if we could all learn from the “holes” in life and NOT repeat the inevitable one-way ticket back to the bottom? Instead of blaming, instead of succumbing to habit, if we could trust the Lord to guide us to a new “walk” in life, our lives would be different.
Transformation occurs when we are committed to being formed into the likeness of Jesus. Learning to follow Jesus is about learning to walk down streets that are different. Today, choose to walk down a “different street.”

I am in the hole again. When am I going to learn to walk down a different street?

A few weeks ago I was walking around the hole pretty well. Maybe not quite down a different street but I was walking around the hole. I apparently forgot how terrible and scary and sucky the hole was so I fell in once again.

I'm talking about my eating. This morning I asked for prayer in bible study for my obedience to Christ. On the way home, I almost felt confused, am I being disobedient? Is this even really something God cares about? Why am I confused now? Does the devil have his hand in this? Was I making up my own laws , or what is sin or is it really sin? arg.

To me, falling back to my old eating patterns feels like a hole to me. Eating things I said I wasn't going to eat, or eating when I'm really not that hungry, knowing that's giving into something other then real hunger, giving into my fleshy needs instead of going to God, I'm just eating. A few short weeks ago, I could resist that temptation. ( I shouldn't say "I" because it wasn't me) but things were going along smoothly until the girl scout cookies entered the house. Seems like since that day my "fruit" of self control, has gone somewhere else. My hatred of sin has also gone somewhere else, and honestly I don't like it. I almost feel like, I don't care. Then I try to rationalize, is it really sin? Maybe it's not so bad. Jeez, it sounds like something an addict would say. I wonder why that is.

I obviously can't be as close to God right now because of this. The guilt is there. I know he still loves me, even if I am a sinner stuck in a hole, but why does this happen? Why can't I beat the "giant" of a food addiction through Christ? (which by the way is another story! Josh was teaching this week at middle school ministry about David and Goliath, and how with God we can beat our Giants, and I had to go lead a group of 7th grade girls on this, and can't even seem to do it myself!) How could I do it for a short time, then it just falls by the wayside? Where did I decide to be disobedient and think that sin was OK? I am totally rambling here.

On the way home from bible study I also thanked God for my dad that agreed to try out watching my kids this week while I attended bible study. When I walked in the door he had that "look" on his face. He said, " I don't' ever want to do this again" :) Bless his heart. I had to smile, and laugh, but I don't' blame him. MY kids are a lot of work! I appreciate the fact that he gave it a try. But what do I do next week? ugggggg.....

Let's switch to a positive thing here......My little boy turned 4 today. He is just so happy to be 4 and be such a "big boy". I just love him to pieces. I love all my kids to pieces and feel so blessed to have them, and that they are all healthy. There's a praise to God. I have 4 beautiful, sweet, charming, naughty, nice, healthy kids. :)

Time for me to stop talking now.......lol.