I've told him in the past that he needs to be more blunt with me because It seems to take me awhile to catch on when he's talking to me. :) His subtle and graceful ways are wonderful, thank God he's patient with people like me who don't know it's him I'm hearing the first time! (or the second for that matter!)
I'll admit it, I'm a grudge holder. Usually not for very long, and unfortunately it's usually my husband that I'm holding the grudge against.
Hunting season has been a struggle for me since Autumn was born, and got harder after every child we had. Our kids are little and I need him home. Because Kevin is a bow hunter, his hunting isn't limited to just a few weekends a year. He can basically hunt from Oct to Jan. Now I'm not posting this blog to complain about Kevin, only to explain how God has been talking to me and I wasn't "getting it". First, last wed at middle school ministries at church (I'm a youth group leader) Pastor Josh was talking about myths about sex. BUT one of the "Lies" he talked about was this ~ MYSELF matters more then OTHERS. (This is the first clue God was giving me) Even someone in our small group talked about how she would get mad if her kids cut in on her "free time", and that she needed prayer about that. (me too!) Because our kids are more important then us. and so is everyone else, including our husbands! So, It got my brain going. We are supposed to treat others, and their needs like they are more important then us. Their needs are more important then ours. Wow. That is a hard concept. Not the first time I've heard it, but so easy to ignore it and not want to live that way! We are living in a "it's all about ME world!"
So, it DID get me thinking.
Then Saturday came along, and Kevin went hunting. I was totally fine with it and told him to go. He was gone from about 12:30pm to 9pm? But he called me at like 8pm and said he had to go back to Fond Du lac the next day to register the deer because it was too late to do it that night. Well, that's when I got angry and my SELFISH side of me came out. I instantly thought, "Perfect! Another day he won't be here and I deal w/the kids myself! ARRG" I was irritated and it was all over. I don't' think I spoke to him when he came home. (why? selfishness, grudges) So then Sunday morning rolls along and here's God talking to me once again. What is church about? Judgementalism! Who do I judge most? MY HUSBAND! Jesus is saying, don't find faults in others, don't have a critical attitude and spirit, don't be negative. JESUS was not like that!
I hear Kevin saying to our kids all the time, "Do you want to have God in your heart?" Jeez, I think God's talking to me through my husband!
Pastor talked about Judgementalism blinds us (log in our eye) to seeing and dealing with our OWN faults and sins! TRUTH!
Here was the passage at the end of the worksheet we filled out~
"There is someone I love, even though I don't approve of what he does.
There is someone I accept, though some of his thoughts and actions revolt me.
There is someone I forgive, though he hurts the people I love the most.
That person is ME."
C.S. Lewis
That is so true! But even after going to chruch in the morning, when Kevin came home in the afternoon I was mad at him for being gone all day agian and I ignored him. (Following what God wants is SO hard!) Then today, once again. I receive email devotionals daily in email. What is today's?
Here's the title~ "A GRACE GIVER OR A GRUDGE BEARER"
Here's the main part, we need to give Grace to people.
"How can I give grace when non-grace comes naturally?" Here are a few practical steps:1. Ask Jesus to do it in you and through you. You cannot do it alone.2. Fill your mind with Scripture that talks about the grace of God. (Ephesians 1:7, for example)3. Reflect on how God has shown His grace to you. Has He been patient with you? Has He forgiven you? After you've blown it, does He not welcome you back?
I guess God is trying to tell me to be easier on my hubby, and also not be so selfish, my life is not just all about ME! Point being, I need prayer that I can be a less selfish thinking person, and think of others as more important then myself!
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