A post I didn't write.....

I need this in my blog. I just went to a friends blog (Shelley) to read and this is what she posted. I am going to put it here so I can come back to it and read it when I need to!

Here it is......

Life is hard
I was stuck by this passage in the message version today...
"Friends, when life gets really difficult, don't jump to the conclusion that God isn't on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner. " 1 Peter 4:13
So much of life is hard. There are the things that seem hard at the moment like dealing with a mouthy kid, not having new furniture you really want or having to stay inside at work on a beautiful day. Of course, as soon as something really hard comes along we convince ourselves that we never really considered the other stuff hard.
In both cases - real hardship and imagined we tend to sometimes wonder "where is God? And why did he allow this?" The reality is that he is still in control and the hardship we are experiencing is just what we need to yield the fruit he is seeking to grow in our lives. So, buck up - that trial was chosen just for you.

God is showing himself.......... :)

First of all this morning I have to say "Wow!" I came downstairs and looked out the window and saw a nice blanket of snow on the ground and my bushes and trees look beautiful with a covering of snow! It is still snowing and looks so pretty coming down. Don't get me wrong, I am NOT by any means a winter girl. I don't like the cold at all. If I could stay inside all winter and never come out I probably would. I'm a huge baby in the cold and I would rather spend a day in 90 degrees. However, I do love to see the snow and watch it fall.
So I've been wanting to write about how Christ has been so blatantly showing himself in my life lately and it's really putting me on a "God high" I like to write about these things so I don't forget them in the future when I'm not feeling quite so close to him, or seeing him in my life.
It's hard to be really open on my blog sometimes knowing that I share it with other people, it's even hard to figure out how to write things so someone else will understand it, but I have to try to remember that is not why I started this blog. I started it to write down things I wanted to remember about my days as a mother, funny things my kids do, and my life in general, for me. I just chose to share it also! I will try to do a better job for myself and family of being candid and not worry so much about what other people think, after all, I am not perfect!
I think ever since I was a kid I have loved to eat and have had a slight weight issue on and off. I have been "dieting" through my 38 years, I lose weight then gain it back again. I can do good for as long as 9 months and then just go right back to the way I was. I just got done w/this cycle again. I exercised and ate well for 8 months, then in about June I hurt myself running and just quit exercising and starting eating bad again. Well, in the past 3 weeks or so, God has kinda been convicting me, but in his subtle ways as usual. ( I always tell him he needs to be more of a slap in the face for me to get it right away, but he's a loving God, :) ) So, after hearing that voice a few too many times I realized, I am being a glutton again, and I have an addiction to food. It's NOT normal to be eating popcorn and be thinking about what I can eat when I'm done with it. So I was thinking to myself, what do I do?? Do I go back to weight watchers again? Do I do some other diet that I've done before and failed? Do I go back to the Y and exercise 6 days a week again? OA? Where do I find someone who will understand what is wrong with me and be able to help me? I felt frustrated. Then I think it was 2 or 3 days later, I went to middle school ministry on Wed night and one of the other ladies that I just started to get to know better was saying how she was trying to eat right. Well the more we emailed each other after that night, we figured out we have the same problem. A food addiction. That is not a coincidence to me. God brought us together for a reason. So here God is showing himself in my life, how close he is to my thoughts. I'm already praising him, thanks God for sending her! How wonderful! Then Sunday comes, I am walking out the door at church, and one of the ladies at church says "Hi Amy! How are you?" and I say "Good, how are you?" As I'm walking in the parking lot, I'm thinking of the song by Casting Crowns called Stained Glass Masquerade.......here's the lyrics....

"Stained Glass Masquerade"

Is there anyone that fails Is there anyone that falls Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small Cause when I take a look around Everybody seems so strong I know they'll soon discoverThat I don't belongSo I tuck it all away, like everything's okayIf I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it tooSo with a painted grin, I play the part againSo everyone will see me the way that I see them Are we happy plastic peopleUnder shiny plastic steeplesWith walls around our weaknessAnd smiles to hide our painBut if the invitation's openTo every heart that has been brokenMaybe then we close the curtainOn our stained glass masqueradeIs there anyone who's been thereAre there any hands to raiseAm I the only one who's tradedIn the altar for a stageThe performance is convincingAnd we know every line by heartOnly when no one is watchingCan we really fall apartBut would it set me freeIf I dared to let you seeThe truth behind the personThat you imagine me to beWould your arms be openOr would you walk awayWould the love of JesusBe enough to make you stay

Referring to how we smile at church and act like everything is great but it's not. We are hiding behind some mask. Well that's what I felt like when I was walking to my van. Oh sure, I'm great! But did she really want to hear my story walking out of church? I'm sure not!
Well, this women happens to be someone that has had struggles in the past with eating. She is also someone that has helped me w/it in the past. Think she was put in that doorway by coincidence? I think not! God again. So after seeing her, it finally hit me a day later to email her and ask her to do a study with me again because I can't do this eating thing without God. She wrote back and said what you ask? That after seeing me, God laid it on her heart to pray for me! How amazing is that?? When I read her email, I thought, Wow God you are really something. Not that I'm surprised, but amazed at him and thankful is more like it.
Then I pick up the magazine from middle school ministry table this wed and Thursday I started reading it. What is it about? How close God is to us. lol. I had to laugh! Is he trying to tell me something? He's here. He's with me and he's going to help me. Thanks Lord. I so appreciate you showing me how close you are to me and that you care about everything in my life. It's not that I didn't KNOW this. I ask him for little things all the time, like when I'm in the shower in the morning to please keep my kids asleep so I can have some time to myself in the morning to have a cup of coffee in peace. Selfish I know, but a lot of days, he answers that prayer. Or giving me close parking spots when the kids are with me and it's raining? He hears my "little" things and a lot of time answers. He's so wonderful and it's when he's so close like this I that It makes me love him. I used to wonder, how do people say they "love" God? How do they fall in love with him. I know how now. He loves me. That was proven at the cross, but in the daily things, he shows me. I think sometimes you have to be looking for him or you won't see how involved he really is in your life.
Another thing that is that on Wed nights Josh has been talking about serving a lot. Of course I have heard the story about Jesus washing his disciples feet before, and I've heard that he wants us to serve, but what I didn't get was that serving is also something we do to be obedient to God. Why do I want to be obedient to God? Because I love him. So when I heard that I think there was a click in my head. Oh! I need to eat well to be obedient to him! I need to serve at home and not complain to be obedient. Hmmmmmmmm. Not saying that's easy, but it makes more sense to me now. Why I didn't get this years ago I don't know, but I guess we learn everything when we are supposed to. So now when I'm grumbling at home about the pile of laundry or the messy house I try to tell myself, "Amy, you are here to serve and right now my job is to serve my husband and four kids. Now just because I had this realization that doesn't mean it's going to be a piece of cake but it does make doing things a tad easier when I think about doing it for the Lord.

I'm quite sure that I was brought to the middle school ministry for many reason! Not only to serve the middle school kids. :)

My daddy

I just have to write something about my dad. I was just looking over my blog, and there's a pic of me and my dad, and the music on my blog just happen to be the Cinderella song by Steven Curtis Chapman as I'm staring at this picture of us. I feel so blessed that my dad is a part of my life, a friend to me. That he is 77 and probably healthier then his children. He is such a blessing to me, and I enjoy any time that I get to spend with him. My dad is such a humble guy. He's just one of those people that will do anything for anyone and think nothing of it. When I tell him he's a great dad, or Grandpa he says I give him too much credit. I don't think I give him enough. Just a little "X's and O's" to my daddy tonight. I love you dad..........

My kids......

Well, once again, I've been slacking on blogging! I am bad at this! Actually, in reality, I just don't have time to do this during the day. Sure, I can get on the computer and send a few emails, but to actually sit down and THINK about things is another story when my kids are awake. I thought tonight I should write a few things about the kids that I would like to remember in the future.

Jake is now 12. Amazing how time flies. He's a sports nut, loves to play sports, and be outdoors. He is also pretty interested in Xbox right now, and spends a little time on the computer. Jake's a good kid. He really is. I can't say he really enjoys helping out much at home, but he usually will do what we ask him to. A lot of times I wish I had more time to spend with Jake, just giving him some one on one attention but it seems to be so hard to do this with 3 younger kids in the house and I feel bad about it. He understands it's hard, as much as a 12 yr old can understand, but In my heart I'd really like to be able to spend more time with him. He's pretty busy too, Monday nights he has band practice, (drums) Wed nights is the Freeway at church, and soon basketball will start up.

Autumn is in kindergarten already. Those 5 years went by just like that. She is doing SO well in school. The first few weeks she was a bit scared, especially if the teacher left her sight, but that's expected. She spent 5 years with her mommy! But now she loves school and cries if she has to miss school due to being sick. She's grown a lot since starting school. She has made friends, and has really started to enjoy art and writing. She spends tons of time in our "kids office" where all their art stuff is, making pictures, and writing her letters, etc....I'm running out of space for all her art work. I love it though and glad she has found something she loves to do. She also just started sleeping in her bed all night by herself (instead of with daddy) I am SO proud of her for doing this. Most of our friends/family know we are a co-sleeping family, so that's a big step for her. (and dad I think! lol.)

Ben, well, Ben has become a little stinker. He used to be this sweet innocent little boy, and is now the three year old terror of our house. :) Bless his heart, but the boy is just rough and crazy and for some reason thinks that his main mission in life is to hurt his siblings. I think a lot of that started when Autumn started school and Ben lost his best friend. Sure, he has Gracie home with him, but she's a 20 month old, 21 pound peanut that takes a beating from him daily! She is not the playmate he was used to, so I think he's a little mad inside and is taking it out by beating us all up. Hopefully this is a stage that will end sooner then later! But on a good note, Ben is mostly potty trained, a day I never thought would come! He still wears diapers at night, but during the day he's in undies! The wonderful thing about a 3yr old boy potty training is he pees ALL OVER the place!! All over the toilet, the floor, the WALL! God help me. But we are saving money on diapers right? lol.

Gracie, our sweet peanut. She brings lots of smiles to us right now. Such a cute age. She's learning new words, and becoming her own little person. She says all her brothers and sister name now. Ben is Bomb. Autumn is Aum, Jake is Gake, Brutus is Bruty, or Bru Boy, and mom and Daddy she says pretty good.

She is addicted to her NUK. I'm quite sure she'd rather have that then food, but once in awhile she gets hungry or see's something she wants and she'll throw her nuk for a bite to eat. When she wants food she says, "bite!" or "more?" and will put her finger to her palm. When she's thirsty she says, "hip!" That means Sip. (Thanks daddy) it's too cute.

We shaved her head over a month ago because she would stick her NUK in her hair and pull her hair out and wrap it around the nuk when she was tired, we wanted to break the habit so we shaved her head. Well, her hair is growing back and she's not wasting anytime trying to rip it out again. She also tries to steal my hair when we are in bed together, and she occasionally will rip out Brutus's hair too. I don't know what it is w/the hairy nuk that she likes. Very strange but i wish she'd knock it off. lol. I'm sure I could write all night about our kids but it's getting late and I probably should get to bed soon. At least I have an update about my kids that I can look back on!

Where to start....

It's amazing how quickly a week goes by and I neglect to get to this blog and write a few things.I have got to get better about this! First of all I need to do a quick update on what we taught/learned at the Freeway tonight because I promised a few moms I do an overview on here because our children usually don't give us very much detail when they come home! I know before I was on staff when I would ask Jake what he learned and talked about he never had much to tell me! So tonight was another Zinger by Jesus ( I just realized I never posted about last weeks Zinger, oopps!)

The zinger was to Bow with the King. Basically what we were trying to teach the kids was that Jesus was not a king that sat up on a throne and would not reach down to the common person, but he was quite the opposite! He was a king that served! He walked with the people on the dirt roads, he washed people's feet, he fasted, and most important of all, he died for US. He told the disciples to bow w/the king. He wants us to all have a serving heart and live our lives to serve others not to be served! Talk about convicting! I spent a good portion of my day today being very angry at my husband for leaving things for me to do around the house and not helping me out. I was upset and mad, and having a pity party for myself that I have SO much to do, all while thinking about AMY. My guess would be that Jesus wouldn't be complaining about some of the things I complain about. So tomorrow I need to remember that I am here to serve others. ie ~ my husband and kids, not to be served. It's a hard thing to swallow. I don't think anyone I know can honestly say that they are that unselfish that they care more about serving others and someone Else's needs more then their own. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there are some people that just naturally have that servant heart and are not worried about their own needs as much as others? (Actually I DO know one person like that, my brother Keith has given up his life to serve/care for his wife/my sweet sister in law Debbie, who is in a wheel chair thanks to a car accident and a irresponsible teenager) To me, It's something that I need to pray about and ask God to give me a servant heart, to make me more like him. Back to the kids though, Its amazing sometimes what comes out of their mouths. Most of the time it's exactly what you would expect from 7th graders but sometimes they really touch my heart. Like tonight one of the girls asking for prayer that she has strength to share Christ with her family. Now that is a cool thing to hear from 13 year old.

So that was my night at the Freeway tonight. Pretty interesting. It's amazing how you think your going to something to help someone else learn about our God then you end up learning and being convicted yourself! :)

I know there was more I wanted to write about tonight but I am finding myself all of a sudden very tired! Considering it is after 11 I guess I will go to bed and hopefully have time early in the morning to come back and post what I can't remember tonight because my brain is falling asleep. Until then.......Goodnight!

Monday night

Well, it's Monday already. The weekend just flew by like they always do! We changed the clocks back this weekend so now it's dark at 5ish. I hate it. That is one of the things I dislike most about winter is there is just not enough sunlight for a girl like me. I need my sunlight! I'm going to have to purchase one of those fake lights for inside the house to get my vitamin D levels up so I don't develop SAD. lol. (Seasonal affective disorder or something like that).

Anyway, last Friday was Trick or treat. That was fun for the kids and it's getting easier for us too. We have less kids to carry around, Ben walked this year, but he was being VERY shy. At first he didn't even want to go to people's doors. I hope he's not going to grow up being as shy as his dad. After awhile he kinda warmed up to the idea but still wanted me to go all the way to the door with him. I will try and post some pictures of the kids later in their costumes. Ben was spider man as I posted previously, (with muscles!) Autumn was a fairy and Gracie was Elmo. She loves "Melmo". Jake didn't really feel the need to dress up this year. He threw on a Packer Jersey and he was good to go. Needless to say we have plenty of candy in the house.(Not that I haven't been buying Halloween candy for the last month and eating it anyway!) I just can't figure out why my jeans are getting tight? hmmm.

Last week was also Jake's 12th birthday. I still can NOT believe he is 12. Those 12 years just flew right by. He is growing up so fast and he is getting more and more handsome! He had all his friends over the day after his birthday to play football in the yard, I think there must have been at least 12 boys? They all had pizza and cake and then 6 of them slept over. WHAT WAS I THINKING? It started as 3 sleeping over. But you know how that goes. You start thinking one is going to get their feelings hurt and then they are all staying. I guess the goal was to see if they could stay up all night. They were NOT quiet. At 2:30 I took one of the boys home, I'm quite sure he was home sick. Then at about 3 Gracie woke up. Then Autumn woke up. Kevin got irritated that the kids were up and just took them downstairs at 3am to watch TV and play xbox. We were all tired the next day but Jake had a lot of fun with his friends. I wish I would have got some of it on tape, like his friend Ty standing in the living room with a sleeping bag over his body trying to blindly fight off his friends that were knocking him down, then my husband grabbing him and dragging him around the house in his sleeping bag without Tyler knowing who had a hold of him. It was quite funny.

I'm glad Jake got to enjoy his birthday, and even though we lost some sleep, it wasn't costly and in the end, worth it.

Last night I watched the movie The Bucket list. Good movie. Makes me wonder why we don't all live each day like we have 6 months to live. Its so easy to get caught up in life and not even really enjoy it. We just go through our days, doing what we always do , not really appreciating what we have, or being thankful that we are healthy, we just kinda exist. I pray to God not to let me live that way. I don't want to have to be dying to start enjoying my life and appreciating the people in my life or what I have. I have my Friend Sarah on my mind tonight too. Last night she said in an email to me that I have been a blessing to her. When I read that, all I could think was just the opposite! SHE has been the blessing to ME! Just knowing her, and watching her go through breast cancer, and reading all her journal entries has made such an impact on me. She is a very strong, courageous women. She also has a tremendous amount of faith in God, and she is sharing that by her writings. I don't think she even realizes how God is speaking through her to others. She is going through a hard time right now, stressing about things that I too would be driving myself insane about and I can't seem to get her out of my mind. If your reading this, please say a prayer for Sarah. Lift her up, she needs some comfort right now while she waits for results. Stay strong my girl, your my hero!

I suppose I should go clean up my house, it's in it's usual state, disastrous.