Dragging my feet yelling "No!"

Gods refining process is going on again. lol. He's taking me to new territory to trust him, that frankly, I don't want to go on! Oh, I know the outcome will be good, I know that. But the process, well, it's never very fun!

I have posted before about my spending habits, and this is something God is going to use not only to make my husband happy, but to bring me to a place of trusting God like I have never trusted him before. It's amazing how many things have come from this cancer, and to think, I didn't want the cancer! lol.

Anyway, this past weekend my husband approached me w/the credit card bill and was let's say, "upset" about how much I spent on Supplements. He said, "Your done". He also said, "It's not worth it". Of course in my head, I heard, "YOU'RE" not worth it. I'm sure that is not what Kevin meant, but that is what I heard, so the tears came. Anyway, he said I'm spending too much money on supplements and we can't do that anymore.

Now if you know me, or follow either of my blogs, you know that being healthy has become VERY important to me after having cancer. I study a lot about health and currently see a Naturopath among a few others to get my immune system where it should be to fight off cancer. ( Remember we all have cancer cells, its a matter if our bodies can fight them off) Anyway, hearing him say "Your done" , those were scary words for me.

I was upset and crabby and hurt. However, after reading through my bible study the next morning, I realized, God is at work again. Oh why does he find me worthy of this? He's trying to bring me to a place of complete trust in him, he's saying, "Come on Amy, take my hand! We are going to teach you how to trust me as your God, and I am pulling back saying, nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!! I want to stay here and just say I trust you!!

I do a bible study at my house on Monday nights, and I had already did the work for this Monday, but for some reason, I felt inclined to "go over" the lesson again yesterday morning. Well, amazingly, I came up with a page of things that I hadn't written when I did the bible study the first time. huh, amazing how God works sometimes.

Here is what I wrote down ~

~This is a season of learning to depend on God.

~ God wants COMPLETE TRUST.

~ Whenever he strips something away, he does it for our own good, not to harm us.

~ Resist getting bitter, don't answer the knock of bitterness.

~ Have I learned to depend on God like never before?

~ Do I believe that with God all things are possible?

~ To believe God, we need to leave our comfort zone. (uh oh!)

So we are back to the question from before, I think I posted in one of my last entries, what my Pastor said in an email to me , "Am I putting my faith in supplements or in God?"

I guess the point didn't come across quite strong enough the first time around, so God had to bring it around again. He's really good at that. :) If I don't get something the first time, he'll come back again and "remind" me. lol. What a merciful God we have. He's so patient with us when we don't understand things, or we "ignore" them.

So, I guess having God speak through my Pastor wasn't quite enough for me, God had to give me the billboard sign, as usual.

God wants me to rely on him to keep me alive. That is some serious business. The question is, Do I trust him?

My husband is supposed to be the head of the house, and the spiritual leader, so I'm not supposed to "fight" this, I'm supposed to go with it and trust. It's HARD.

But I know in the end, it will be what's best for me. It will be good for me, and it will glorify God.

So for now, I'm going to give in to God and let him take control. I'll keep you posted on how it's going.

Oh, and I do still think that God wants us to take care of our bodies. I don't think this means that just because God is in control of when we live or die that he doesn't expect us to take care of these temples.

Remember this verse~

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (New Living Translation)

19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

We do still need to watch what foods we put in our bodies, give it the nutrients we can, supplements we can afford, and get some exercise!

So don't read my post and go eat a jelly doughnut for breakfast. :)

Watch this video on God's refining us. It might even make you cry!

 

This is why we’re not religious.

This is an awesome article on being "religious".  I may love Jesus, but I am not religious. :)

This is why we’re not religious. The Mars Hill Blog

Beautiful by Mercy Me

You're the one he madly loves!! That's right. YOU.

Jesus Saves!

The Superfluous Shoot

I just came across this post and it really hit home for me. I need this to look to when I have my next scan in December. I wanted to share it. :)


The Chandlers: The Superfluous Shoot: "The gardener's sharp-edged knife promotes the fruitfulness of the tree, by thinning the clusters, and by cutting off superfluous shoots. So ..."

Jeremy Camp Devotional - "Giving You All Control"

Letting God be God.

I heard this song while I was eating dinner and thought, that's it. That's the song that goes with my blog post that I have yet to post. lol.

Yesterday God reminded me who is in control. I needed that.

Sunday at church, I just wasn't "feelin it" when I was singing. I didn't feel the love and appreciation for my Lord and saviour that I wanted to feel, I just felt, well I guess, nothingness. I prayed during worship that God would help me to focus in on him, to not be distracted, to feel close to him again. Well, it didn't happen during worship, but that's OK. Everything is in God's timing.

The sermon was from 2 Timothy and Tommy was speaking on the spirit, that lives in us, and how God did not give us a spirit of fear. ( I should have known right then something was coming my way, lol) I was taking notes and thinking a lot about what he said and how much I worry myself about getting cancer again. Thinking to myself," that's right, God did not give us a spirit of fear, he doesn't want me to be worrying myself about things all day long." Then, the test comes.

I think it may have been Sunday or Monday that I felt a new little lump in my neck. I choose to brush it off and not worry about it. Tuesday morning was a different story. I decided to feel around again and see if it was still there. It was. Panic started to set in. All the "what ifs" came into my mind. I emailed a friend and asked her should I call the doc? She said, yes. She knew I'd probably drive myself nuts if I didn't get it checked out.

Since I found out I had cancer I started reading books, I think it started with the book Beating Cancer with nutrition, that book led to another and another and another. I started seeing a MD who is also a Integrative doc, and received IV treatments of vitamins and Immunoglobulins to beef up my immune system to fight the cancer. I have learned tons about our immune system and how we all have cancer cells, and how our immune systems can fight it off if it's functioning properly. So, after seeing that doctor, with his advice, I was put on many supplements. I also put myself on a few things just from things that I read. I also use Young Living oils to help with immunity and killing cancer cells, and a few other things. I started really changing my eating habits from how I ate before, because I learned that sugar feeds cancer, and that what we put in our bodies really does effect our health and our immunity. So basically I did a huge overhaul from the pre-cancer life.

I was being my own advocate and taking control of my health, doing things to help my immune system so that the cancer does not return.

Well, yesterday when the what ifs came, and I was feeling frustrated, and thinking how could it possibly be cancer with everything I am doing? I sent my Pastor an email, and my friend Mary (mom) an email and just explained my situation to them. How I was frustrated, where is the line? What do I call the doctor for and what don't I? Am I being paranoid? How many supplements do I take, how much money do we spend, Isn't it my job to take care of the temple, am I not trusting God, etc, etc......

Well, what my pastor said was ~ "Are you putting your hope in supplements or in Christ?" Conviction set in. I had thoughts of this before, but not to this extent.

Then I got the email from mom about 10 min later, her words were ~ " God is the keeper of the temple. We can't over ride that." More conviction.

At that moment, I cried. I also knew that I didn't need to go to the doctor for that new lump I found.

Kevin came home from work to go to the appointment with me and found me crying. I let him read the emails and he wanted to go to the appt anyway. So we went. The lump was nothing. He said it's probably always been there and I just never noticed it before, it's an old little thing probably from a previous infection. I just smiled inside.

On Sunday I asked God to bring me back to feeling close with him, to be able to feel love for him again. He answered that prayer and more.

He spoke through my Pastor and friend Mary, that I was not trusting in him. I was trying to take control of everything with the supplements and food and feeling my neck all the time. I was full of fear.

I could take 100 supplements a day and if God wants me to have cancer again, I'll have it. He is in control. I have a wooden sign right above my stove, which is right by all my supplements that says, "Be still and know that I am God" and I could look at that everyday while taking my supplements and think I am in control. Ha. I'm not in control. I was worrying myself, and for what? He is the sovereign God, not me.

Am I thinking that I should just go back to my old lifestyle and not care what I eat and not take care of my body and leave it all up to God? No, not exactly. I still think he wants me to be responsible for my temple, and feed it right and take some supplements to give my body what it lacks, but I don't have to have that weight on my shoulders that if I don't do it all and do it all right that the cancer is going to come back. I can relax a little bit because I am not God, he is. Thank God for that! This actually took a big weight off my shoulders. I just need to give it all to him. Trust him with my life. He already knows what is going to happen. As the song says, " He is God of all, he is everything". " I'm giving my life to the only son, who was and is and yet to come". That's freedom. Give it all to him.

I prayed, he answered, and so much more.