I Lift My Hands

100. A clear CT scan of my lungs. Praise God!

Is his Grace enough?

I was reading my devotional this morning, and the question he asked was, " What if God's only gift to you was his Grace to save you?"

What if? What if that was his only gift? His son, to save us from hell. Would that be enough for us?

Because in all honesty, we don't even deserve that.

Day after day we sin against our holy God, and yet, he gives us the gift of his son and all we have to do is receive the gift.

This was a tough devotional this morning for me because he mentioned how we pray for our children's health, and how we pray for cancer to be removed from our bodies.

Of course, no coincidence once again. (ha ha)

As most of my friends and prayer warriors know, I've been having chest issues.  Chest tightness, wheezing, shortness of breath, and of course, anxiety.

Yesterday I had a CT scan done of my lungs. This morning I see a pulmonologist. Of course I've been praying for just that, "Please God, let it just be my asthma, or my anxiety/panic attacks acting up again."

I keep reminding myself last night of a few weeks ago when I was worrying and God gave me the stick that Gracie brought out of her class that said " HEALER" on it. (Which by the way, I can't find that stick and I am heartbroken over it!, I searched high and low for it yesterday!)

Yesterday I went to get blood drawn and the Starbucks across the street was calling my name. I ran into my friend Sarah there, who is on her second bout with cancer. It's a sucky reality in this fallen world that we have to deal with cancer and sickness and death. I do believe God can heal. Sometimes he does.

But the question is, if he doesn't answer our prayers for healing, IS GRACE ENOUGH?

Very sobering question for me this morning. Thanks a lot Max Lucado. lol

At the end of the devotional he said, Make a list of how God has given you GRACE UPON GRACE. Above and beyond the Grace of saving us from hell.

Since i was already making my thankful list , I just added more to it this morning............

62. My health. Cancer removed from my body.

63. God's word to read, to get to know him better.

64. My husband.

65. My four beautiful children

66. Warm house

67. Food

68. Hot coffee

69. Two sweet little dogs that love me.

70. Beautiful Christmas tree to look at.

71. A loving daddy who is healthy at almost 81 years young.

72. Friends who truly care about me and love me.

73. Acquaintances who do nice things and care.

74. Kevin's Job

75. A sister who loves me.

76. Brothers that love me too. :)

77. The gift of being a mommy.

78. A van to drive.

79. People who speak God's truth into my life.

80. Books to read.

81. The ability to home school.

82. Beautiful sunshine.

83. Microwavable heating pads to warm my cold feet.

84. Hot showers/running water

85. Chocolate

86. Gracie and Autumn and their love for doing art projects and making huge messes.

87. peanut butter pie

88. Paper and pens.

89. God making a way for me to purchase a bible I wanted.

90. Gracie coming to sit by me when she wakes up in the morning.

91. Tired husbands who lay on the couch in the morning.

92. Running into Sarah at Starbucks yesterday.

93. Prayer. That we can talk to God whenever we want to.

94. Friends that pray for me.

95. Cell phones.

96. Washing Machines.

97. Dishwashers. (Because I can hear then both running and doing my job for me)

98. Emails from friends.

99. Christian music

Speaking of  Christian music...

Thankfulness

I've been slacking on getting this up on my blog. I've been writing in my 1,000 gifts journal and have not had time to get it on my blog............I'll post a few.......

1. Jesus Christ. My savior
2. Waking up my kids in the morning and seeing them all snuggled together.
3. My beautiful daugther Autumn.
4. Ben coming up and giving me hugs and a kiss on my arm.
5. Henry, my dog, following me everywhere and sitting with me all day.
6. Gracie walking Brutus around on a leash.
7. Gods word to read.
8. Hot coffee.
9. Toast with Jelly.
10.Warm sunshine on my face.
11.Relaxing music.
12. Watching my kids out the kitchen window.
13. Texts from my son.
14. My husbands patience with me.
15. Beautiful trees and farmers field out my window.
16. Emails from my husband.
17. Frozen thin mint cookies.
18. My sister.
19. Sunshine.
20. My daddy.
21. How my son Jake helps clean the house.
22. Morning quiet time.
23. Happy dogs riding in cars.
24. Knowing people are praying for me.
25. Spending time alone with hubby.
26. Sisters that stay with our kids when we need to go to Mayo.
27. Comfy chairs at Starbucks.
28. Starbucks.
29. Showers.
30. Nice hotel rooms.
31. The Lords word saying, " I will bless you".
32. Gracie doing artwork.
33. Jake coming home from school.
34. Monday night bible study.
35. My girlfriends.
36. My church family.
37. Watching my kids play outside.
38. Friends visiting.
39. Precious words from Mary.
40. When my son Jake leaves for school and tells his brother, " Be good ok? and be nice to your sisters".
41. Kevin cleaning the house.
42. Kids on each side of me, snuggling on the couch.
43. Thoughtful people.
44. Hearing birds in the morning.
45. My family. Being able to spend time with them.
46. My dad, coming over to visit during the week. Everything he does. Who he is.
47. A warm house.
48. Left over stuffing.
49. Christmas trees.
50. Joy tea.

Grace Amazing-Jimmy Needham (w/ Matt Chandler & John PIper)

A friend shared this and I need to share it with all who read my blog. :) LOVE IT. God loves YOU so much, do you know that?? By GRACE ALONE we are saved. Thank you Jesus.

God cares.

I just have to share how God is so involved in the small stuff in our life.

I have had a continuous struggle with fear my entire life. I know I have written about fear several times, and told my story about losing my mom at 11 to cancer, and always fearing I would get it, and I did. I feared it to the detail of even how my mom wanted a house, and they bought a lot, and then built it, and then she ended up dying. When we were going to buy this house we live in now, I had fears, that maybe we shouldn't buy this "dream house" of mine because then surely I will get cancer.

Well I did.

I had coffee with a very spirit filled women last week and she brought a verse to my attention that I had previously made note of months ago and forgot.

 Job 3:25

For the thing I greatly feared has come upon me,

And what I dreaded has happened to me.

Some may take that verse differently, and verses sure can be taken out of context. But we all know that Satan hates us and wants us to fear, be sick and die.

Joyce Meyers had something on her status the other day, I think it was a few days after I had coffee with my friend and her status said this~

"When we allow fear to rule us, we unwittingly receive what Satan has planned for our lives instead of what God has planned."

Isn't that a bold statement? But to me it rings SO true. Satan steals my joy every single time I decide to listen to his lies and fear cancer coming back.

I was prayed over that day at lunch, and I was told to rebuke Satan every time that liar comes at me with the whispers about my future.

I put scriptures on little cards to read and pray when I feel fear. Fear is not of God.

One good one that I put on a card is ~

2 Timothy 1:7

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

So when I feel fear, I start praying, "Thank you God for giving me a sound mind, I will not fear!"

My friend said look of every scripture on fear and write them down. Study it. The more I use scripture the less Satan will use that fear against me.

This morning I took my kids to their homeschool class. After I got them all in their classes, I had about 10 min before my study started so I went in the book store.

I have to tell you how God shows how much he cares, even in our little worries.

The group I go to, I usually  don't know what the topic is going to be about unless I look it up online, I just show up and get surprised as to what they are going to talk about. 

So I went to the book store and bought this book ~

Then I go find my seat in our group and there is papers laying there on the table on what the speaker is talking about today.  Here's the paper.........

Facing our Giants, Identifying fear. I thought, how appropriate is that! I had to show the girls at my table the book I just purchased.  So I get to spend 2 hours listening to and discussing fear.  Awesome.

Then, I pick up my youngest from her class, she hands me her paper and her little project she made.

It's a stick with a red piece of yarn tied to it, and on one side it just says her name. Gracie. That's all I saw.

Then later, I flipped it over and guess what it says on the back? This is when my tears started flowing.......

God was speaking to me today, every step of the way this morning when I walked into church.

When I met with the friend over coffee, she gave me scripture about Jesus strips for our healing.

I've posted before about how my calender showed one day,

" I am the God who heals" on a day I was feeling worry.

How good is he? He knows what my anxiety is. He knows what Satan likes to make me fear about, and he's showing me, He's here. 


Right here with me. 


He's my healer. 


No need to fear.  

Is it like he's reading my mind? Yep. Because he is, he knows our thoughts.  He knows how to send comfort and peace when we  need it.

I love that about God. 

I feel thankful to have a relationship with God. There's no one that can know me or love me or comfort me like him.   :)

Praise be to my Jehovah-Shalom. 

It all leads back to sin.

Yesterday my nephew posted something on facebook. Here is what he said~

"With millions of Christians praying for God to help them with their marriages, wouldn't you expect their divorce rates to be a bit lower than other people's? But atheists/agnostics are in 1st place with 21% followed by 24% of 'other' Christians and 27% of Evangelical Christians. I'd be interested in hearing any ideas why."

Yesterday I responded, but not prayerfully. Today I have a better answer for him.  This morning I was praying, (not about this specific issue at all actually,) I got to my devotional and God led me right back to the book of 1 John, which is where I've been reading after I'm done with my devotional reading. God knows that I have not yet "thrown off" a continual sin, so he's bringing me back to the same passages over and over, until I do it. I love how he so mercifully does this. He isn't slamming down his commands on me, he gently  brings me back to certain scriptures and reminds me of what I am or am not doing. Just like a parent has to keep reminding their children to do something over and over until they get it, I am God's child and he's doing the same with me. :)

Hebrews 12:1

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

1 John 1:5-7

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6 If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

Light represents what is good, pure, true, holy and reliable.

Darkness represents what is sinful and evil.

God is light~ He is perfect and holy, and true.

The light exposes whatever exists.

Darkness cannot exist in the presence of light.

Sin cannot exist in the presence of a holy God. If we want to have a relationship with God we must put aside our sinful way of living.

To claim that we live for him and belong to him but then go out and live for ourselves is hypocrisy.

Christ will expose and judge such deceit.

As for my nephews question. It comes down to sin.

It can be the death of marriages for sure.

We who say we are Christians, followers of Christ, are witnesses to those who don't know him.

This is why many unbelievers stay unbelievers, because those of us who call ourselves Christians are not living a life that glorifies Jesus. We are not shining his light.

It just convicts me more and more that I need to use the power of the holy spirit to throw off my sinful nature because I am supposed to be shining Christ in my life.

It makes me sad to think that I, one who calls myself a Christian and a follower of Christ may be showing darkness instead of light.

I pray that God changes that in me.

When it comes to marriage, or any relationship it's the same.

If we claim to live for Christ, but then live for our self and our own selfish needs and desires instead of the other persons, we are hypocrites.

Imagine if we lived in our marriage completely selfless and for the other person, if we did things to make the other person happy instead of ourselves, would their be divorce? I don't think so.

That is how Jesus lived. Sacrificially. For others. IF we are followers of him, we are to lay down our lives, live for others not ourselves.

My dear nephew, it's not that God is not answering those prayers for their marriages. It's that people are living for themselves, they are not living the example Christ set. Of course we are human and we will never be perfect on this earth. But when we accept Christ as our savior, (which we need because we are so sinful, and we could never make it to heaven because of that) when we really accept him and ask him to be our savior he gives us the holy spirit and the power of the holy spirit lives in us to help us live more like Jesus.

So us Christians, we need to live in the Grace and power that God has given us to have good marriages.  

:) 

I Surrender.

I was reading a devotional this morning that I got in my mail.

Something she wrote was God speaking directly to me,

 "Do you trust me Amy?"

Here it is~

"So I have a choice to make. Will I believe that God’s plans are better than my own? Will I risk stepping out of my comfort zone? Do I believe the growing pains I’ll face will be worth the blessings that will come?

 Do I trust God to really take care of me?"

Oh goodness.

I've been writing about it in my last few entries, that God has been speaking me to tons about my many sins, and things he wants me to run from and never look back like Lots wife.

Some things I have already begun doing, not perfectly of course, but I started! One thing I was holding on to was my shopping. Not just my shopping but all the shopping for the family.

I have never been good with money and tend to overspend. I've blogged about it before. It's one of those continuous battles I face that the evil one doesn't want me free from.

This morning I wrote my husband a letter (yes I did give it him) and let him know that I am ready to "surrender" my beloved shopping to him. (That's a good indication right there it's an IDOL for me, beloved?")

Shopping is my release. When I am stressed, I shop. When I am sad, I shop, when the kids and I need to get out of house, We shop! Yeah, that's a problem.

I told him I want to live for God and put God first, and I want to give God our first fruits and our first 10%, and that isn't going to happen with me doing the shopping. So I have to let it go.

I not only have to let that go, but I have to let go of my supplements. Now if you've had cancer, you will know this is some scary business. Since I had cancer I have been taking many many supplements a day to keep the cancer away. I've been trying to prolong my life by myself. That's a pretty big task considering I am not God. But that is where her writing spoke to me.

 Do I trust him or NOT?

 If I worship him as God, and I pray to him hoping for answers, then I must trust him right? Do I believe he is who he says he is?? I taught my kids this morning that God is Sovereign, that he controls everything, Do I believe that? So if he wants me to live, I'll live whether I take those supplements or not right? If he wants me to get cancer again and die, I will. Period. Why is it so hard for me to let go and let him be God?

Do I believe that he loves me? That he loves my husband and my kids, and my daddy? Yes I do. Then I need to believe he will only allow the best for me, even if it means giving up some things I love, or things I put my faith in? As I'm sitting here writing, I can hear my kids CD with kids singing the song.......How great is our God by Chris Tomlin.

How appropriate is that to be playing in the back ground?

How Great IS our God? How much does he love us? 

 He loved us enough to to die for us.

Can you think on that in simple terms if that is possible? If your spouse, friend, or even a complete stranger gave their life for you, for something you did wrong, would you feel you owed them something?

I feel I owe him something. My life.

As a living sacrifice to show him that I appreciate what he did for me.

Here's a beautiful song saying it all...........

There is no love,

Sweeter than the love

You pour on me.

There is no song,

Sweeter than the song

you sing to me.

There is no place that

I would rather be… than here

At your feet laying down everything.

All to you, I Surrender…

Everything, Every part of me.

All to you, I Surrender…

All of my dreams, All of me.

If worship's like perfume, I'll pour

Mine out on you.

For there is none deserving of my

Love like you.

So take my hand and draw

me into you.

I want to be swept away,

lost in love for you.

All to you, I Surrender…

Everything, Every part of me.

All to you, I Surrender…

All of my dreams, All of me.

I surrender, I surrender

(Cause I trust you God)

O, I surrender.

(All my hope is in you)

And I surrender.(I place all my trust)

O' I surrender (to you God)

O' I surrender (cause your ways are far better than mine)

OOOOoooo I Surrender… yea yea

All to you, all to you, yea, yea

O I Surrender, I surrender

I surrender (all to you my God)

O I Surrender, I surrender

I surrender…OOooooh…

No turning back, I've

made up my mind.

I'm giving all of my life this time

You're love makes it worth it.

You're love makes it worth it all.

You're love makes it worth it all.

You're love makes it worth it.

You're love makes it worth it all.

You're love makes it worth it all.

All to you, I Surrender…

Everything, Every part of me.

All to you, I Surrender…

All of my dreams, and All of me.

You're love makes it worth it.

You're love makes it worth it all.

You're love makes it worth it all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSgn-nmBpNY&feature=related

The Mayo visit

This is Doctor Moore checking my neck for lumps. Thankfully, none there! :)

Funny we both have the same look on our face. This was our discussion about when I come back and what happens then.

He's letting me skip my Dec appt with him, and see my ENT in town for that visit, although, now that I asked for that, I think I will actually miss seeing Dr. Moore! lol.  We decided I will come back in March to Mayo and have my 2 yr PET scan three months early.  I'm glad I'm having a PET again, but of course, those always worry me!  I'll just be praying and trusting God that it's a good NED scan!

The last picture, I asked for, and he so graciously said sure!   It's funny, when I first met this man, he was all business, not personable at all, just looked at my PET told me what he could do for me and that was it. But the more visits I have, the sweeter he gets and I can tell he really does care about his patients.

I thank God for this man, someone so devoted to caring for other people's lives. 

and I thank God for healing me through Mr. Moore.

:)

More of him.

I don't know why, but sometimes I just feel led to share what I am learning along the way here.  I'm sure by sharing my thoughts and being such an open book, sometimes I may not make myself look real good but I am OK with that.

I think God wants me to share my faults and airheadedness with others so they know they are not alone.

I was with some of our church family last night, and I realized how much we are all on different levels. Some are so advanced in their faith and knowledge of our Lord, and not just knowledge, but true heartfelt understanding and love for our Jesus. Then there's others, like me, who all along have  thought the love I had for God was good, and in my mind, I did love him, but in reality I wasn't doing much of loving him at all.

The wonderful thing about our God is that he gives LOTS of Grace and Mercy and Love. He knows us. He forgives us when we ask for it.  I am so thankful of that.

I think back to blogging in the spring when I went for a walk in the morning and I was walking toward the sunshine at 5:30am and it was so bright and warm and it just felt so good. I just remember the feeling I had that I didn't want to turn around and walk the other way, or go in the house, I just wanted to bask in that sunshine.

That's how it is with Jesus. The closer you get to him, the more time you spend with him, the more you want, and the more you love him.

He loves to bless us and give us favor.

I was reading this morning, Psalm 34

God will deliver us from fear, save us from our troubles, guard and deliver us, show us goodness, supply our needs, listen when we talk to him and redeem us.

But the following statement was, to receive these things, we must do our part.

What is our part?

Crying out to him, trusting him, fearing him, refraining from lying, turn from evil, do good.

So it's not a one way relationship here. Yes, He loves us. No matter what. He died for us, and you don't die for someone if you don't love them A LOT.

But when we do our part in the relationship with the Lord, he blesses us more. He gives us favor.

I want that.

God's been really working in my life the last few months, really convicting me of things and opening my eyes to things, and helping me understand things that I didn't before. He's giving me wisdom that I prayed for. It's a bit scary. lol.

Jesus' light is not only warm and inviting and feels good, but sometimes his light shines nice and bright and uncovers some really ugly sin in our hearts.

There's a verse that I heard this week that struck me pretty deep. The New king James version is this~

Psalm 66:18

If I regard iniquity in my heart,

The Lord will not hear.

Here's a  few different versions of the verse~

If I had cherished sin in my heart,

the Lord would not have listened;

Or

All believers, come here and listen,

let me tell you what God did for me.

I called out to him with my mouth,

my tongue shaped the sounds of music.

If I had been cozy with evil,

the Lord would never have listened.

But he most surely did listen,

he came on the double when he heard my prayer.

Blessed be God: he didn't turn a deaf ear,

he stayed with me, loyal in his love.

The verse is saying, if you have sin in your heart, if you become cozy with it, living with it daily and accepting it as OK, God turns his ear from you.

That scares me. I do NOT want God to turn his ear from me and not hear my prayers. Will he still love me? Yes he will. But sin can put a wedge between us and God. He's a holy God and can't be around or tolerate sin.

No, we can't EVER be perfect in this life here on earth. But we can sure be more aware of our sin and not allow the sin he shows us to dwell in us.

I have sins that dwell. They've been dwelling for a long time, and it's time I get rid of them.

Jesus died so that I could be a victor not a victim.

The bible says we are more then a conqueror in Christ.

We need to make the decision to put Christ FIRST in our lives.

We need to stay in position where we receive his favor and blessings, that position is a repentant heart. Loving him, making him LORD of our life, and repenting of our sins DAILY.

I want God's favor and blessings. I don't want to live insignificantly for Jesus. I want to be his hands and feet and face and let him be seen through me. I can't do that and continue to have unrepented sin in my heart.

I was reading in 1 John Tuesday morning and recorded some verses.

1 John 1:6-7

 If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth.  But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

The commentary says~

Just as darkness cannot exist in the presence of light, sin cannot exist in the presence of a holy God.

If we want to have a relationship with God, we MUST put aside our sinful way of living.

To claim that we belong to him, but then go out and live for ourselves is hypocrisy. Christ WILL expose and judge such deceit. 

What we need to think about is, what does living for ourselves really mean?  It means, we are not putting him first. We are not living for him. We have idols in our heart.  We love other things more then we love God and put those things before him. It could be anything that you choose to love more then God.

Things God has shown me lately as Idols are~ my own comfort and convenience are idols for me. Wanting to be able to relax when I want, do what I want, not having to clean up after others all the time. A clean house is an idol for me. Being accepted by others, another idol...........

For some, it may be money, or sports, or exercise, or their looks, anything can be an Idol to us, something we put before God. It's got to go!

They are Idols of our heart and God wants to be first.

Remember, we will have to stand before him one day and give an account. He IS coming back. What will you have to say when you stand before the mighty king?  I sure don't want to have to hang my head and say I'm sorry that I thought "I" was more important then the King of Kings.

We are to have no other God's before us.

Exodus 20:3

“You shall have no other gods before Me.

Deuteronomy 5:7

‘You shall have no other gods bbefore Me.

Judges 10:13

Yet you have forsaken Me and served other gods; therefore I will no longer deliver you.

Back to 1 john 1:6-7 that I posted above,  We can't love God and court sin at the same time.

When we commit our lives to Christ, by accepting him as our LORD and savior, and thus identify ourselves with him, his death becomes ours. We need to die to self.

If that is not happening, maybe we never really accepted him as LORD.

It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately about myself and my own relationship with him.

1 John 2:3-6

We know that we have come to know him if we keep his commands.  Whoever says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person.  But if anyone obeys his word, love for God[a] is truly made complete in them. This is how we know we are in him:  Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did.

1 John 3:6-10

No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.

 Dear children, do not let anyone lead you astray. The one who does what is right is righteous, just as he is righteous.  The one who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work.  No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God. This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not God’s child, nor is anyone who does not love their brother and sister.

I don't want to be known as a child of the devil. No thanks.  I'm a Jesus girl, which means I should be lookin like a Jesus girl.

Today in reading Psalm  34 I wrote down, When we take the first step of obedience in following him, we will discover that he is good and kind. As we trust him daily we discover how good he is.

That is my mission to give up Amy for him. More of him and less of me.