What about Jesus?

We started reading an Advent book this week, It's actually a book where we do a Jesse Tree, something new for our family. I was doing the reading, and in some parts of it, it was hard to hold back my tears.

I'm so glad we are doing this, preparing our hearts, and our childrens hearts for what Christmas really is. It is SO easy to get caught up in all the gift giving and worrying about presents. I was brought up as most of us, anticipating opening presents, and giving gifts at Christmastime. I enjoy this time of year, and shopping for other people, and thinking about what they would enjoy, it doesn't really stress me out, I like doing it. I love having the tree up, and sitting in the room just w/the christmas tree on, enjoying the lights. My husband on the other hand, is more of a humbug when it comes to the tree and decorating and shopping. Kevin and I have actually been arguing about money latley, and of course, I want my kids to have things they want for Christmas, but I have lost my perspective latley. So, maybe God put this whole "teach the kids Advent" thing in my heart for ME, not just for them. I haven't wanted to do Santa for a few years, and i'm hoping this year, we can just do away with that whole Santa thing. To me, I just feel like I'm lying to my kids, and I get a weird feeling about it, I just don't like it! It just really takes away from Jesus, and they focus on the man in the red suit more then anything. Don't get me wrong, I ADORE seeing my kids opening presents, and I love the idea of it all, getting them things they want, and watching their faces as they open them, but the thought crosses my mind how so much is taken away from what Christmas really is. Sometimes I think, maybe we should do a gift exchange in the summer, and in December focus on Jesus.

We were reading about the beginning, and about the Fall, and how after Adam and Eve had been deceived by the serpent, and they were hiding in the garden and God called out , "Where are you?"

Obviously God knew where they were. I'm not exactly sure why he called out to them, maybe just to see how they would answer?

In the devotional, she wrote, " When we are lost, God will go looking and when we are hiding, God keeps hunting, and it's when we have fallen and sin's fangs have pierced our naked hearts straight through, God comes calling, "Where are you?" This is when my heart started aching and I felt like I wanted to cry. Just the thought of God saying, "Where are you?" He loves us so much, and yet, we go through our days, forgetting him, not thinking about him, not spending time with him. I look at all the beautiful Christmas lights on people's houses and wonder about the families inside the house, and who and what they are celebrating, and do they know Jesus? Do they know what or why they are even celebrating?

I pray that this year, I put more emphasis on Jesus, and how much he loves me, and you, and teach my kids more about Jesus, and who we are celebrating.

This morning I was sent an email with an awesome video and story attached that I want to share. Here's the story behind it ~

Here’s the story behind the song:

"While at the mall a couple of years ago, my then four year old nephew, Spencer, saw kids lined up to see Santa Claus. Having been taught as a toddler that Christmas is the holiday that Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus, he asked his mom, "where's the line to see Jesus"? My sister mentioned this to my dad, who immediately became inspired and jotted words down to a song in just a few minutes. After putting music to the words, and doing a quick recording at home, he received a great response from friends. He sent the song off to Nashville without much response, except for a Christian song writer who suggested adding a bridge at the end of the first chorus. My dad then asked if I wanted to record the song to see what we could do with it. I listened to the song, made a few changes to the words to make it flow better, and we headed to Shock City Studios. It was at the studio where Chris, owner and producer, rewrote the 2nd verse and part of the chorus... with goosebumps and emotions high, we were all hopeful and felt like we had something special. The demo was recorded in just under 2 hours and sent off again to Nashville... still no response. Then 2 weeks before Christmas last year, my cousins Greg and Robbie decided to do a video to see what we could accomplish on YouTube. The first day we had 3000 hits and it soared from there. We received e-mails, phone calls, Facebook messages from people all over asking for the music, CD's, iTunes, anything... we had nothin'. After a couple of meetings with Chris following the amazing response, we got serious. We headed back into the studio this past spring... this time with guitars, drums, bass, pianos, choirs... the real deal.... and here we are today. Getting iTunes set up, a website put together, and loving that thousands upon thousands of Christians have come together... remembering the true meaning of Christmas. Out of the mouths of babes come profound truths that many adults can not understand. Hopefully Spencer's observation will cause people all over to reflect on the love of Jesus, and that one day we will all stand in line to see Him. We are most thankful to our Heavenly Father to have this chance to share our music with you. Merry Christmas everyone."

Dragging my feet yelling "No!"

Gods refining process is going on again. lol. He's taking me to new territory to trust him, that frankly, I don't want to go on! Oh, I know the outcome will be good, I know that. But the process, well, it's never very fun!

I have posted before about my spending habits, and this is something God is going to use not only to make my husband happy, but to bring me to a place of trusting God like I have never trusted him before. It's amazing how many things have come from this cancer, and to think, I didn't want the cancer! lol.

Anyway, this past weekend my husband approached me w/the credit card bill and was let's say, "upset" about how much I spent on Supplements. He said, "Your done". He also said, "It's not worth it". Of course in my head, I heard, "YOU'RE" not worth it. I'm sure that is not what Kevin meant, but that is what I heard, so the tears came. Anyway, he said I'm spending too much money on supplements and we can't do that anymore.

Now if you know me, or follow either of my blogs, you know that being healthy has become VERY important to me after having cancer. I study a lot about health and currently see a Naturopath among a few others to get my immune system where it should be to fight off cancer. ( Remember we all have cancer cells, its a matter if our bodies can fight them off) Anyway, hearing him say "Your done" , those were scary words for me.

I was upset and crabby and hurt. However, after reading through my bible study the next morning, I realized, God is at work again. Oh why does he find me worthy of this? He's trying to bring me to a place of complete trust in him, he's saying, "Come on Amy, take my hand! We are going to teach you how to trust me as your God, and I am pulling back saying, nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!! I want to stay here and just say I trust you!!

I do a bible study at my house on Monday nights, and I had already did the work for this Monday, but for some reason, I felt inclined to "go over" the lesson again yesterday morning. Well, amazingly, I came up with a page of things that I hadn't written when I did the bible study the first time. huh, amazing how God works sometimes.

Here is what I wrote down ~

~This is a season of learning to depend on God.

~ God wants COMPLETE TRUST.

~ Whenever he strips something away, he does it for our own good, not to harm us.

~ Resist getting bitter, don't answer the knock of bitterness.

~ Have I learned to depend on God like never before?

~ Do I believe that with God all things are possible?

~ To believe God, we need to leave our comfort zone. (uh oh!)

So we are back to the question from before, I think I posted in one of my last entries, what my Pastor said in an email to me , "Am I putting my faith in supplements or in God?"

I guess the point didn't come across quite strong enough the first time around, so God had to bring it around again. He's really good at that. :) If I don't get something the first time, he'll come back again and "remind" me. lol. What a merciful God we have. He's so patient with us when we don't understand things, or we "ignore" them.

So, I guess having God speak through my Pastor wasn't quite enough for me, God had to give me the billboard sign, as usual.

God wants me to rely on him to keep me alive. That is some serious business. The question is, Do I trust him?

My husband is supposed to be the head of the house, and the spiritual leader, so I'm not supposed to "fight" this, I'm supposed to go with it and trust. It's HARD.

But I know in the end, it will be what's best for me. It will be good for me, and it will glorify God.

So for now, I'm going to give in to God and let him take control. I'll keep you posted on how it's going.

Oh, and I do still think that God wants us to take care of our bodies. I don't think this means that just because God is in control of when we live or die that he doesn't expect us to take care of these temples.

Remember this verse~

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (New Living Translation)

19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

We do still need to watch what foods we put in our bodies, give it the nutrients we can, supplements we can afford, and get some exercise!

So don't read my post and go eat a jelly doughnut for breakfast. :)

Watch this video on God's refining us. It might even make you cry!

 

This is why we’re not religious.

This is an awesome article on being "religious".  I may love Jesus, but I am not religious. :)

This is why we’re not religious. The Mars Hill Blog

Beautiful by Mercy Me

You're the one he madly loves!! That's right. YOU.

Jesus Saves!

The Superfluous Shoot

I just came across this post and it really hit home for me. I need this to look to when I have my next scan in December. I wanted to share it. :)


The Chandlers: The Superfluous Shoot: "The gardener's sharp-edged knife promotes the fruitfulness of the tree, by thinning the clusters, and by cutting off superfluous shoots. So ..."

Jeremy Camp Devotional - "Giving You All Control"

Letting God be God.

I heard this song while I was eating dinner and thought, that's it. That's the song that goes with my blog post that I have yet to post. lol.

Yesterday God reminded me who is in control. I needed that.

Sunday at church, I just wasn't "feelin it" when I was singing. I didn't feel the love and appreciation for my Lord and saviour that I wanted to feel, I just felt, well I guess, nothingness. I prayed during worship that God would help me to focus in on him, to not be distracted, to feel close to him again. Well, it didn't happen during worship, but that's OK. Everything is in God's timing.

The sermon was from 2 Timothy and Tommy was speaking on the spirit, that lives in us, and how God did not give us a spirit of fear. ( I should have known right then something was coming my way, lol) I was taking notes and thinking a lot about what he said and how much I worry myself about getting cancer again. Thinking to myself," that's right, God did not give us a spirit of fear, he doesn't want me to be worrying myself about things all day long." Then, the test comes.

I think it may have been Sunday or Monday that I felt a new little lump in my neck. I choose to brush it off and not worry about it. Tuesday morning was a different story. I decided to feel around again and see if it was still there. It was. Panic started to set in. All the "what ifs" came into my mind. I emailed a friend and asked her should I call the doc? She said, yes. She knew I'd probably drive myself nuts if I didn't get it checked out.

Since I found out I had cancer I started reading books, I think it started with the book Beating Cancer with nutrition, that book led to another and another and another. I started seeing a MD who is also a Integrative doc, and received IV treatments of vitamins and Immunoglobulins to beef up my immune system to fight the cancer. I have learned tons about our immune system and how we all have cancer cells, and how our immune systems can fight it off if it's functioning properly. So, after seeing that doctor, with his advice, I was put on many supplements. I also put myself on a few things just from things that I read. I also use Young Living oils to help with immunity and killing cancer cells, and a few other things. I started really changing my eating habits from how I ate before, because I learned that sugar feeds cancer, and that what we put in our bodies really does effect our health and our immunity. So basically I did a huge overhaul from the pre-cancer life.

I was being my own advocate and taking control of my health, doing things to help my immune system so that the cancer does not return.

Well, yesterday when the what ifs came, and I was feeling frustrated, and thinking how could it possibly be cancer with everything I am doing? I sent my Pastor an email, and my friend Mary (mom) an email and just explained my situation to them. How I was frustrated, where is the line? What do I call the doctor for and what don't I? Am I being paranoid? How many supplements do I take, how much money do we spend, Isn't it my job to take care of the temple, am I not trusting God, etc, etc......

Well, what my pastor said was ~ "Are you putting your hope in supplements or in Christ?" Conviction set in. I had thoughts of this before, but not to this extent.

Then I got the email from mom about 10 min later, her words were ~ " God is the keeper of the temple. We can't over ride that." More conviction.

At that moment, I cried. I also knew that I didn't need to go to the doctor for that new lump I found.

Kevin came home from work to go to the appointment with me and found me crying. I let him read the emails and he wanted to go to the appt anyway. So we went. The lump was nothing. He said it's probably always been there and I just never noticed it before, it's an old little thing probably from a previous infection. I just smiled inside.

On Sunday I asked God to bring me back to feeling close with him, to be able to feel love for him again. He answered that prayer and more.

He spoke through my Pastor and friend Mary, that I was not trusting in him. I was trying to take control of everything with the supplements and food and feeling my neck all the time. I was full of fear.

I could take 100 supplements a day and if God wants me to have cancer again, I'll have it. He is in control. I have a wooden sign right above my stove, which is right by all my supplements that says, "Be still and know that I am God" and I could look at that everyday while taking my supplements and think I am in control. Ha. I'm not in control. I was worrying myself, and for what? He is the sovereign God, not me.

Am I thinking that I should just go back to my old lifestyle and not care what I eat and not take care of my body and leave it all up to God? No, not exactly. I still think he wants me to be responsible for my temple, and feed it right and take some supplements to give my body what it lacks, but I don't have to have that weight on my shoulders that if I don't do it all and do it all right that the cancer is going to come back. I can relax a little bit because I am not God, he is. Thank God for that! This actually took a big weight off my shoulders. I just need to give it all to him. Trust him with my life. He already knows what is going to happen. As the song says, " He is God of all, he is everything". " I'm giving my life to the only son, who was and is and yet to come". That's freedom. Give it all to him.

I prayed, he answered, and so much more.

My other blog

For those of you who read my blog, Could you read my other one too? I've been updating it like a man women today. :)

http://amyvg.blogspot.com/

God is so near. (and so cool!)

I finally have got some time to get on here! I've been wanting to share some things for awhile, they don't exactly have to do with me personally but they are things that I think are worth sharing with others!

These little stories just help my faith, and keep me remembering how near our God is.

The first one is my sweet friend, I don't want to mention names, but she is a teacher and she has been praying for a "troubled" student for a few years. She had him as a freshman, and now again as a junior. He clearly has issues, and she's been praying for him to come to the Lord. The neat thing is, that one day, he came in her classroom during her lunch and started telling her what is going on in his home life, and was pretty sad about it, and he asked her about being a Christian and about Jesus. He wanted to know how he could go to heaven because his brother died while texting a year ago and he wants to make sure he'll see his brother again, but he thought he was going to go to hell because of all the bad things he has done. She explained to him what a loving forgiving God we have, and that he forgives our sins, that he sent his son Jesus to die to cover our sins, that he just needed to ask Jesus to be his savior! That troubled young man is seeking Jesus. It's so awesome to see God answer prayers like that! He not only answered her pray, but the young man came to HER to come to the Lord. How cool is that?!

Another neat story was one I heard listening to a live video stream of Pastor Mark Driscoll and his wife Grace. They were talking about when he was first starting out as a Pastor and they had no money. The explained how God provided for them in kind of a funny way, they lived on a very narrow street, and they had an old junky car. I guess people would hit their car when it was parked on the road, (because the street was so narrow) and they would come to their door and offer them money for hitting their car rather then calling the insurance company. So they would use that money for whatever they needed! Groceries, or bills, whatever. They said it happened like three times! What are the chances? God was providing them money, for their needs. Can you just imagine? You pray for help and someone comes to your door with cash for hitting your junky car? lol. God has a sense of humor that is for sure.

Lastly, I heard a story on K-love one day that touched me and I have not forgotten about it. Some lady called in, said she was driving in her car, and she was listening to the song, Light up the sky by the Afters.

She said she was thinking to herself, how cool would it be if God just showed himself in the sky once and awhile. ( I think he does this a lot if we are looking for it) But just for her, that day, he decided to do something big, something awesome just for her. She said she looked up into the sky and there was a rainbow. God was showing off. lol. I love that!!! God is so cool. He is so close to us, so knows our thoughts, and sometimes he wants us to realize how close he really is. I bet she felt like falling to her knees at that moment.  I love God. :)

Listen to the song, it's a good one.

Living beyond convenience?

This is a post I don't want to write. But God is really pushing me this morning to blog about this. I have been telling myself I'm too tired to focus this morning, too tired to write in my blog, but the spirit is pushing me.

I am also going to be exposing myself in this post, as a "not so good" christian, and that is also not an easy thing to do. I'd rather just go drink my cup of tea and think about the sinful things that other people are doing, things that bother me, like why do people think it's OK to live together without being married? why do people think it's OK to leave their marriages for someone else? I get so worked up over these sort of things that my mind can't stop thinking about them, but when it comes to my own sin, well, I'd like to just ignore it.

God has been convicting me of my "spending sin" for a good week now. Everything that I read, or hear convicts me about my spending. I hate that.  This is  not a new bad habit that I just picked up, I have always been terrible with money. But lately there has been no self discipline with my spending and it's just getting to a point where even I can say it's ridiculous.

Sunday during Pastor Tommy's sermon he was reading from 1 Timothy 3 and it was referring to the husband, and saying that the husband must be of one wife, temperate, self controlled, able to teach, not violent but gentle, not a lover of money. He must know how to manage his own family well. This is the part where I started thinking, hmmm, my husband is supposed to manage is own family well, how can my husband manage is own family when his wife is not helping him do that? I was convicted right then at church, that my spending is not being helpful to my husband, he can't manage his family without me helping him do that. I am his helper. What am I doing? God was talking to me at church that morning. It didn't end there.

It got me thinking more and more, " I  need to be a better wife, a better keeper of God's money, I need to help my husband "manage", I need to stop spending and start being more self disciplined. But Monday , my thought was, OK, I better buy what I need before I talk to Kevin about this. (that is more wrong thinking!) So that day, I know I bought a few more things that I "need". Then Tuesday we had community group for church at our house, and we discussed the sermon from Sunday. Funny thing, we didn't talk about the husbands or how they need to manage things. What we talked about was how we are to "fight the good fight" and what that means to us as Christians. What someone said was how we are in a constant battle between our flesh and our spirit, trying to do what the spirit tells us to do, but we fail and do what our flesh wants. Conviction hits again. I've been doing what my flesh wants. Spending money that I shouldn't, on things that I think I "need". I should be fighting the good fight here, fighting my flesh, through Jesus of course, because he lives in me, I should be able to conquer the flesh and tell myself, no!

So once again, Tues night, God was speaking to me about the spending.

So Wed, It's on my mind more and more, The spirit is telling me, "no more spending" be your husbands helper". My flesh is saying, get the last few things you "need" before you turn over your credit card. So because I have lost weight from the cancer, I need clothes that fit me. Right? So I better get those before I stop spending. ugh.  

Kevin and I have his 20 yr high school reunion coming up next weekend and I've been thinking about this and what I am going to wear for it. Even though I know none of these people, and I shouldn't care what they think of me because I will probably never see them again in my life, I for some reason do care, and was thinking, what can I wear that will impress them? What will make my husband look good? What can I buy for both of us that will make us look good and impress others? (and I did buy Kevin a few shirts last night just for this purpose!) 

This morning I went to do my morning reading, I'm in Mark, and I read this, "  We are not to love the praise of men", and it leads you to John 12:43 which says, " so they loved praise from men more than praise from God"    Ouch. So I'm worried about what these people think of me, and wanting to spend more money to look good, rather then worrying about impressing God, (the God that loves me so much, and cares about all the small details of my life, the God that healed me from cancer!) and listening to him, and living for him I am living for the praise of others. (what am I thinking??!)  That was convicting, once again.

There was also something in the commentary this morning that hit me. It was referring to God's laws, and it says, "let them rule your thoughts, decisions and actions. When you are uncertain about what to do, ask yourself which course of action best demonstrates love for God and love for others."  Am I demonstrating God's love to my husband by overspending? um, no. 

So what I need to do, is fight the good fight. I need to feed the spirit and starve the flesh to win this battle. I need to "fight the good fight" so to speak and not give in to my fleshy wants.

Right now, I just had a thought that my friend who doesn't know the Lord is going to read this and have thoughts that knowing Jesus and going to church is all about laws and rules and doing what God says. I don't want anyone to have that impression. God is so loving and forgiving and compassionate. He only gives us these guidelines to make our lives better and easier and happier, sometimes we just don't see it that way. By him giving me these reminders and convictions, hopefully my actions will change, and my marriage will be better because of it. I will be a better wife and helper to my husband by managing our money better.  I don't want to be someone who just "says" she loves God and follows Jesus, but I want to be someone who "lives" it.  The bible says that as Christians we should let our actions be consistent with our beliefs. Live for Christ even when no one is looking. That is what I want to do. On the outside it's pretty easy to "fake" being a follower of Christ, writing how much I love Jesus and doing bible study and going to church, but  what do my actions say about it? I want my actions to show Christ.

I love to be able to give to others, to help people in need, I want to be able to give to the church so the church can thrive and help others, I want my Pastor's family to be taken care. My family can't help or give if I am being selfish and spending more money then I should.

One other thing I read this morning, is that as believers, we should consider increasing our giving- whether of money, time, or talents, to a point BEYOND CONVENIENCE or calculation.  So instead of worrying about my own needs or wants, I should be worrying more about if my Pastor is getting a check this week, or my friend has food on her table this week, or if my sister in law has someone to keep her company this week. It's not all about me.  

This was not a fun post for me to write. I don't want to hit the publish post button, but I am going to, because I feel like God wants me to. Who knows why. Maybe it's all about me repenting and sharing it will make me want to follow through with it more, maybe someone had a wrong impression of me that God wanted to take care of, maybe someone else needed some conviction about spending, who knows. I'm just doing what God wants me to do. If you would, keep me in your prayers, that I would be less selfish, less self centered, a better helper to my husband, a better example for my kids, that I would listen to the spirit more then giving in to my flesh, and that God be glorified because of it. 

love you! 

Thoughts on life.

I've had so many thoughts in my head the past few days. On Wed morning I received wonderful news about my health, and I was so excited and thankful and then only hours later I received an email from a friend that my neighbor had passed away the day before. She was only 50. She got in a car accident weeks ago and had a broken leg and ankle. This past weekend wasn't feeling well, so she went to the hospital, turned out she wasn't feeling well because of a blood clot, then it went to her heart and she passed away. She has an 11 year old son. It was unexpected, sudden, a shock really. Who would think someone is going to die from a broken leg? In one day I got really good news about the Lord sparing my own life, giving me more days to be with my kids and husband, and news that someone else did not receive the gift of another day with her family. It breaks my heart. It pains me to think of what her son is going to go through. I know they were close as mom and son. It also really makes me think A LOT about how we spend our time. It makes me think about how much we take people for granted, like we think they will always be there. There's always tomorrow to spend time with them, or tell them we love them, or show they how special they are to us. We think there is always tomorrow, but their isn't. We just never know when it will be someones time.  I think about how often we just sit around and spend fun time with our kids. I am guilty of this. Sure we home school, and they are home, but how much time do I take to just sit with them and play? I am busy cleaning and cooking and doing laundry, and driving around, and worrying about silly things. 

We have family that is an hour and a half away, which I guess to us must seem like a days drive because we see them like 3 or 4 times a year! How sad is that?? I have a brother that lives about 4 min from me, that I see once a month if that! Friends that we always say, yeah, lets get together, but then we never do. Neighbors that I hardly know, but would love to know, but never take the time to go over there, or invite them over, we are just too busy. I have a husband that I don't go on dates with very often, cause you know, we don't have time. How often do I take advantage of him because I just assume that he'll be here tomorrow? But what if? It's when things like this happen that we stop and think about things.

I had the same thoughts on Tues waiting all day for results, and the night before when I found another lump in my neck. What if? What if It spread? What if I die? What if I can't be my kids home school teacher? What if? What if I can't be here to be a mom to my kids and a wife to my husband? When you brush with cancer and thoughts of death it really makes you think about a lot of things. What do I get mad about or stress out about? Usually something petty.  What am I rushing around for? Probably something that is not all that important.  If you got a call tomorrow that one of your loved ones, or friends, or children died, what would you wish you would have did with them or said to them? Do it, today.

This morning I was in the kitchen, tired, and making myself some tea and Jake yelled, I'm hungry! He had to leave for school in about 10 min. The first thought that I had was the normal selfish thought, "why doesn't he get up and find something to eat? He's almost 14!" But that thought was immediately replaced by, " I am so thankful to be here, alive, and be able to serve Jake breakfast!" So I asked him, what can I get you?

Funny how my first thought was a selfish thought, I think that's how most of us are on a daily basis, we think about our self and our own needs first, but going through cancer, and another cancer scare, and then a friend dying can really change your outlook! I was reading my bible this morning, in Mark 10:43-45 ~

⁴³Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, ⁴⁴and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. ⁴⁵For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

The commentary says this~

"It is easy to say we will endure anything for Christ, and yet most of us complain over the most minor problems. If we say we are willing to suffer on a large scale for Christ, we must also be willing to suffer the irritations that come with serving others"   

The paragraph below says this~ " Rather then seeking to have your needs met, look for ways that you can minister to the needs of others"

Hard stuff. Really hard stuff. But when you are faced with losing your life, these things become much easier.

I like how God gives little lessons like that. Like this morning me being selfish in my thoughts about Jake, then God turning my thoughts around, and then in the same morning he gives me verses in the bible about serving. And people say the bible is boring to read.

Today's blog is really just a bunch of rambling thoughts in my head. I guess that's no different then usual. lol.

I feel very blessed to be alive. To be able to make my son breakfast, to be able to homeschooling my kids, that I am able to pick up dirty clothes from behind bathroom doors and bedroom floors.

I guess lately God's really been giving me some lessons on what a gift our life is. What a gift it is to wake up in the morning, even if  I don't feel like getting out of bed.  It makes me even more thankful to HIM for everyday that I am given another day to serve my kids and husband and friends. I hope through reading my blog, you can change your thoughts, without having to go through cancer, or a friends death.

Go do something nice for someone today, tell them  you love them, take some time to spend with them.

love you.

Sing a song!!

Please listen to this song. This is how I am feeling right now.

I got a phone call this morning. Then I got on my knees and praised the name of Jesus. Praise be to the king of kings, my Jesus, my Lord and savior, my Jehovah Rapha.  I feel like getting on my face and praising him. I just might. :)

The doc said the needle biopsy was negative. No cancer present.  He said the two lymph nodes lit up in the pet scan because I've been sick. He said anything that can cause the immune system to respond can light up on the pet scan. 

Praise be to God. Thank you Lord Jesus for healing my body. Thank you for answering our prayers, before they were even asked. Thank you for strengthening my faith in you.

I want to sing a song to my Lord.

Thank you all for your prayers. Let God be glorified for answering us. Give him all the praise.

love you!!!

He is strong in my weakness

In my last post I wrote that I still might be a "little" worried the day of my PET scan. I was so weak! Yesterday ranked up there with one of the worst days Kevin and I have had.

We got into Minnesota on Monday night,  probably around 10. We had a good drive up there, we had good conversations and time went by pretty quickly. At the hotel, I was washing my face and neck, and the dreaded happened, I found a new lump on the side of my neck. My heart sunk. My faith became so weak. I was scared. I was doing so good in believing that I was healed for the past week or so, not having any fears about the upcoming scan, but that lump, boy the lump did me in. All the thoughts were flooding my head, I couldn't think of anything but the stupid lump I had just found. I couldn't focus on Kevin, or sleep.

I got out of bed, and I pulled out a little envelope that Autumn gave me to open in Minnesota. It was a purple piece of construction paper, and she had made a rainbow on it with a flower in the middle, and a sunshine. The top says " I love you mom".  As soon as I opened it, I cried. My emotions were just flooded with "what ifs" that night.  I have had people comment on my faith, or how they think I am strong in my faith, well, let me tell you, I am weak! I am human. I should post that song on K-love to go along with this, I can't think of the name if it but she sings, " We're human". Anyway,  I looked at that purple piece of paper with the rainbow on it, and thought about the meaning of the rainbow. God's promise to never flood the earth. So that made me think, I need to find his other promises and right them on the back.

I got out  my little bible I had brought along and found some verses, I will share some of what I put on there, but not all, there's too many!

~ Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. Isaiah 40:31

( I was needing some serious renewal of strength and hope and faith in my Lord!)

~ He has chosen me. Isaiah 41:9

~ Do not fear, I am with you

I am your God

I will help you

I will uphold you

Isaiah 41:10

~ Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord.

No worries.

Jeremiah 16:7-8

~For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  

Jeremiah 29:11-12

~He will protect me for acknowledging his name.  Psalm 91:14

~ Call to me and I will answer. Jeremiah 33:3

~ Do not worry.  Matthew 6:25

~ Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be  yours. 

Mark 11:24 

( I used this one a lot yesterday during the day)

~God works for the good of those who love him.  Romans 8:28

~ Do not be anxious about anything! Bring requests to God.

Think of what is TRUE, and right and praiseworthy.

(my wording)

Phillipians 4:6-8

~ He cares about me.

2 Peter 5:7

He has commanded me to be strong, not be terrified or discouraged. He IS with me. Joshua 1:9

Well, I was terrified alright!

I had the PET scan about 8:30. They inject you with the radioactive sugar solution, then they turn out the lights and you sit there for an hour. They don't want you reading or listening to music, or playing with a phone, nothing. Just sit. But don't sleep.  It's a good time to sit and let the devil throw all kinds of thoughts at you and try to fight back with God's word. Not a fun time.

I had the scan done then, and was done by I think 10:15. Now the waiting game begins. My apt to see the doc wasn't until 4pm.  Believe me, I tried twice to see if I could get in sooner, but no luck.

We spent some time back at the hotel room, and tried to walk around and look at some shops, but I was in such a funk it wasn't even fun, and if you know me, you know I love shopping! I just couldn't think of anything but what I was going to find out at 4pm. 

I was so scared. At 3pm we just went up and checked in, and sat in the waiting room, hoping they'd call me early. They didn't.  Time moved the slowest I ever remember. tick, tock, tick tock. It was like torture!

My mind was racing with thoughts of what they were going to tell me. I can't even explain how hard this was on Kevin and I.

About 15 min before we were called in I felt weak. My knees even hurt. I don't have knee problems.  I was praying and praying, talking to my God about how I was feeling, and then kept on repeating, I am believing that I am healed. God doesn't lie. He said he wouldn't make a fool of me. I'm healed. I'm healed. I'm healed. God help me believe I am healed. I'm weak.  I'm healed. I asked in prayer for healing, my girlfriends asked in prayer for healing, we believed you answered. I'm healed. I'm healed. Finally the pager went off. Here we go. Kevin had a bad headache, he was nervous, I was a wreck. let's get it over with.

Of course Eli, the PA, was friendly as usual and nonchalant when we got in there. Asking how we are, just being casual, all I could think was "What was on my scan??!!"  Finally he said, two lymph nodes lit up on the PET scan. Oh great. But then he said, nothing else did. OK, that's a good sign right?  So my tongue didn't light up, nothing in my throat, tonsils area, nothing. Not my ear, my sinus, my lungs, ( all the things I was thinking it could be) Nothing. Thank you Jesus. So what about these two lymph nodes?

He said there was one on each side of my neck, they are about the same size and same shape. He wasn't sure.

So, he did the usual exam. Scope up nose and down throat with camera. ( we can see this on a TV as he's doing it) He showed me everything, said it all looked Perfect. Good news.

Then he did a real good feeling of my neck for lumps. He found the same lump I did on the right side.

He then said, he would go get Dr. Moore and bring him him. Dr. Moore came in, looked over the pictures on the TV from the scope, and Eli had already updated him on everything else. He did another exam on my neck feeling everywhere really good. He got his fingers around that one lump on the right and looked at Eli and they must have had some kind of telepathic thing going on, but Eli knew what that meant so he told the nurse to go get the needles. They wanted to biopsy the lymph node. Dr. Moore explained that he doesn't think that the lymph nodes are cancer. By the shape and the feel of them. BUT he wants a biopsy for confirmation. Good I'm glad. Do it! I remember the first time I had an appointment for a fine needle biopsy in my neck, I was scared out of my mind! This time, I was like, go for it, stick the needles in  my neck! lol. I trust Dr. Moore a lot, and I really don't want to have to go home not knowing what these lymph nodes are from. So he did it. He took 3 needle samples from the node. It wasn't all that bad. Kevin's hand might be black and blue today though. lol.

So he said, he'd call me in the morning. Oh good. More waiting. He said if it's not cancerous, I come back in 3 months for another PET scan and exam. If it IS cancerous, then I have to come back up for a ct scan, and  talk to the radiation oncologist and they will be doing radiation on my neck. (ugh)

We got to the car, and I went to close my car door, and couldn't lift up my right arm! What a weird feeling that was. So I got on the cell phone to make sure this was a "normal" thing.  Dr. Moore said it was, it will go away. OK, good.

I was feeling much better at this point then I did all day long. My faith was returning. See, I'm weak.  I was so weak all day long in my faith, but when I got that little glimmer of hope, when nothing was on the scan but those two lymph nodes, I started believing God for that healing again. Stupid human I am. He told me in his word not to worry, but I was worry my little pants off.

He renewed my faith again. I don't know if the nodes are cancerous. I will know sometime today. This morning I hope. But I am still believing God that I am healed. That he healed me before. That I've been healed all along, through all this worry.  I don't believe God is going to let those nodes be cancer. I believe he's answered the prayers of mine, my girlfriends, my dad, my son, my husband. He already answered them. 

I will post today sometime when I get the results.

There's a song I wanted to post.

Click here.

God my God, I cry out. Your beloved needs you now.

I will lift my eyes, to the maker, the creator, the healer.  :)

Hope in him

I've been meaning to blog since last Friday. I wrote last about faith, and having faith in my God that he has healed me. The pain in my ear is still there, it comes and goes, but seems to be less frequent than it was, praise him for that!

Last Thursday night I met with ladies from my church for a nursery meeting. After the meeting was over, my friend Mary, (mom) asked a few of the other ladies to pray over me because of my ear pain. I sat in a chair, and they all put their hands on me and prayed, one at a time. It was so touching. I cried at the way these prayer warriors pray. They even apologized to God for asking for healing when he has already healed me.

They asked that he would increase my faith in him, that he would touch me in a special way, speak to me in a way that I would know I am healed. After we were done, one of the girls, Nora said to me, to just keep telling myself when I feel that ear pain that I am healed! To thank him for the ear pain because it's a sign that my nerves and muscles are healing back up.

I left that night singing in my van right through the ear pain. Ever since that night, I have had no worries about my ear. Yes it is still hurting , but God took my worries away. He answered yet another prayer. God is SO amazing.

I do have an appointment to go back to Mayo in Minnesota next Tues. I had that appointment before they prayed for me. I called there and talked to my surgeon's PA and he said I should come in for another PET scan. That got me worrying. But after Thursday night the worry was gone.

When the thoughts of "what is this ear pain from?" came to my head I said, "get behind me Satan, I am healed by the blood of Jesus Christ", and my worry was no more.

This morning something amazing happened. I was sitting at the table doing my bible study for tonight, and she told us to go to a verse. The verse she said was Psalm 25:12. But before I got to that verse, somehow in my head, my thoughts turned to, "I need to blog about the girls praying over me." Then I thought, "But WHAT IF, I write about how they prayed over me, and how I have not been worrying, and how I'm believing God that I am healed, that the cancer is NOT back, and then I go have the PET scan and it is back? Then I will look like a fool!" At that very moment, I was thinking I was  going to the verse that she told us to go to for the study, and  I started reading Psalm 25:3. I was on the WRONG verse, it may have been the wrong verse for my bible study, but it was the verse that God wanted me to read. 

This is what it said ~

No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame.

God was speaking to me. He knew my thoughts, that I was thinking at that very second about blogging, and doubting that I should share that my wonderful friends prayed over me and he answered, and he said, "Amy, you go right ahead and blog about it, brag about it, I will NOT put you to shame.

Of course, this makes me even less worried about my upcoming PET scan next Tuesday. I'm sure that day I will be a little nervous, but I am believing God that I am healed, and that my ear pain was just another way to strengthen my faith, and another way for God to show off and be glorified.  :)

I love it when he does things like this. There is nothing like God knowing your thoughts and giving you a verse like that. I wish those things could happen to me everyday!

Thank you my sweet girlfriends for praying over me, and thank you my sweet, merciful God, for loving me, for paying attention to my life, and my thoughts, and speaking to me, your child. I couldn't ask for a more wonderful daddy. 

Prayer

I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!



~ Isaiah 65:24, NLT
 

I LOVE this!!!!!! I received this in my email this morning. What a perfect perfect verse for me right now!!

My sweet girlfriends from church prayed over me on Thurs night, and since then I have had a real peace about my upcoming scan, and my ear pain. I am believing that I am healed by my Lord, and have been telling myself that since Thursday. This was like a sweet confirmation from my God saying,  " I already answered your prayer Amy" , I love our God!!!