Thoughts on life.

I've had so many thoughts in my head the past few days. On Wed morning I received wonderful news about my health, and I was so excited and thankful and then only hours later I received an email from a friend that my neighbor had passed away the day before. She was only 50. She got in a car accident weeks ago and had a broken leg and ankle. This past weekend wasn't feeling well, so she went to the hospital, turned out she wasn't feeling well because of a blood clot, then it went to her heart and she passed away. She has an 11 year old son. It was unexpected, sudden, a shock really. Who would think someone is going to die from a broken leg? In one day I got really good news about the Lord sparing my own life, giving me more days to be with my kids and husband, and news that someone else did not receive the gift of another day with her family. It breaks my heart. It pains me to think of what her son is going to go through. I know they were close as mom and son. It also really makes me think A LOT about how we spend our time. It makes me think about how much we take people for granted, like we think they will always be there. There's always tomorrow to spend time with them, or tell them we love them, or show they how special they are to us. We think there is always tomorrow, but their isn't. We just never know when it will be someones time.  I think about how often we just sit around and spend fun time with our kids. I am guilty of this. Sure we home school, and they are home, but how much time do I take to just sit with them and play? I am busy cleaning and cooking and doing laundry, and driving around, and worrying about silly things. 

We have family that is an hour and a half away, which I guess to us must seem like a days drive because we see them like 3 or 4 times a year! How sad is that?? I have a brother that lives about 4 min from me, that I see once a month if that! Friends that we always say, yeah, lets get together, but then we never do. Neighbors that I hardly know, but would love to know, but never take the time to go over there, or invite them over, we are just too busy. I have a husband that I don't go on dates with very often, cause you know, we don't have time. How often do I take advantage of him because I just assume that he'll be here tomorrow? But what if? It's when things like this happen that we stop and think about things.

I had the same thoughts on Tues waiting all day for results, and the night before when I found another lump in my neck. What if? What if It spread? What if I die? What if I can't be my kids home school teacher? What if? What if I can't be here to be a mom to my kids and a wife to my husband? When you brush with cancer and thoughts of death it really makes you think about a lot of things. What do I get mad about or stress out about? Usually something petty.  What am I rushing around for? Probably something that is not all that important.  If you got a call tomorrow that one of your loved ones, or friends, or children died, what would you wish you would have did with them or said to them? Do it, today.

This morning I was in the kitchen, tired, and making myself some tea and Jake yelled, I'm hungry! He had to leave for school in about 10 min. The first thought that I had was the normal selfish thought, "why doesn't he get up and find something to eat? He's almost 14!" But that thought was immediately replaced by, " I am so thankful to be here, alive, and be able to serve Jake breakfast!" So I asked him, what can I get you?

Funny how my first thought was a selfish thought, I think that's how most of us are on a daily basis, we think about our self and our own needs first, but going through cancer, and another cancer scare, and then a friend dying can really change your outlook! I was reading my bible this morning, in Mark 10:43-45 ~

⁴³Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, ⁴⁴and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. ⁴⁵For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

The commentary says this~

"It is easy to say we will endure anything for Christ, and yet most of us complain over the most minor problems. If we say we are willing to suffer on a large scale for Christ, we must also be willing to suffer the irritations that come with serving others"   

The paragraph below says this~ " Rather then seeking to have your needs met, look for ways that you can minister to the needs of others"

Hard stuff. Really hard stuff. But when you are faced with losing your life, these things become much easier.

I like how God gives little lessons like that. Like this morning me being selfish in my thoughts about Jake, then God turning my thoughts around, and then in the same morning he gives me verses in the bible about serving. And people say the bible is boring to read.

Today's blog is really just a bunch of rambling thoughts in my head. I guess that's no different then usual. lol.

I feel very blessed to be alive. To be able to make my son breakfast, to be able to homeschooling my kids, that I am able to pick up dirty clothes from behind bathroom doors and bedroom floors.

I guess lately God's really been giving me some lessons on what a gift our life is. What a gift it is to wake up in the morning, even if  I don't feel like getting out of bed.  It makes me even more thankful to HIM for everyday that I am given another day to serve my kids and husband and friends. I hope through reading my blog, you can change your thoughts, without having to go through cancer, or a friends death.

Go do something nice for someone today, tell them  you love them, take some time to spend with them.

love you.