My young man

³ Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
       children a reward from him.

Psalm 127:3

 

Just a little shout out for my sweet son Jake.  I'm so proud to be his mom. He wrote me the sweetest letter for mothers day. Not something I would expect from my 13 yr old.

Jake your an awesome, awesome son. I love you with all my heart. Your such a blessing in my life. Thank you so much for the sweet letter you wrote me. I love you.

Mother's Day

It's Mothers day. 1:56 in the afternoon to be exact and my house is quiet and peaceful. I am alone in my house. This is a very rare happening! :)

3 kids outside and one with daddy, what a gift! 

This day has already been a precious day to me, and It's real easy for me to see God in my life today.

This morning, I was blessed in so many ways at church. I was given love by so many people, I don't know how anyone can go without a church family. Lots of concern over frank, friends telling me that they have been praying for me, a sweet friend offered to bring dinner over the day of my surgery, another had a doc they wanted me to call for 2nd opinion and advice on a natural alternative, and even Pastor Tom, who is on a serious time schedule to get to the other church for service, took the time to stop and ask how things are going and tell me that he prayed for me with others at a leaders meeting. How blessed am I?  My kids came out of class with clay pots, that they planted dirt and flowers, and colored on the pots, brought tears to my eyes when they brought them out! Those are the best gifts ever, something your child brings to you, with those bright eyes and says, Happy Mothers Day. How glorious. Those precious kids don't know how they can make my day with their simple gestures, not to mention the mom that planned that project  in their classroom, what a sweet thought she had.

The Pastor also gave all of us mom's a Starbucks card for coffee, I was so excited I spilled the coffee I was drinking! lol.

Today was a real easy day to see God's hand and see him working all over the place to give me joy and comfort, even though Frank is still hanging around. 

I forgot to blog yesterday, but I can point out a few places that I could praise him and see him during the day. In the morning I had a friend tell me that her and her husband prayed together for the first time the night before, that is an answered prayer. I was also blessed with watching another friends children last night, and getting my baby fix, just holding a sleeping baby is a blessing to me.

He's there, when we look for him. I think it will be pretty easy to daily to find a hint of God's workings in my life. So many days we get grumpy and complain, at least I do! So I am going to make a real effort to find the joy, the blessings, the little things and places where I can see God everyday.

I am blessed to be a mom this mothers day.

Her Children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises  her.

Proverbs 31:28

Praising God

Last night we had women's bible study,  it's one of my most favorite things to do, hang out with the girls and talk about Jesus. We always seem to have such great conversation and I feel closer to these girls after every study. Last night our study was about attitude and praising God.  Sometimes we forget to praise God. Actually a lot of the time we forget to praise God.

Sometimes we tend to look at our big God as a genie in the sky, we just throw up our requests and wait for him to answer our prayers, and when he doesn't he is no longer such a good God.

I am guilty of this. I can go days without counting my blessings or looking for God in my daily activities. He's always there, I just  need to look for him.

I've decided that everyday I am going to look for things I can praise him for, and try to remember to blog about it.

Although I've had my share of hard days latley with "Frank" I can think of some positive things that have came out of getting this lump.

For one, I have completley changed my eating habits. I am no longer eating junk, and to be honest, I feel pretty good eating healthy and so far, he is helping me not to miss the sweets too much. Last night, I passed up eating cookies, which is pretty big for Ms. Sweet tooth that I am.

There's a blessing right there.

Also, thinking that Frank could potentially be cancer, has really helped me to appreciate the small things in life, like sitting in a chair in the backyard, enjoying the sunshine, and ignoring my housework. lol.

It's made me take more time to watch and enjoy my kids, and look at them with more love then ever before. The small things they do that used to irritate me just don"t irritate me so much anymore. I feel thankful to  be alive and with them.

God is good. He has brought me to realize how precious our time here is, and that it can be taken away from us so easily. Not to take things for granted, I appreciate my husband more, and the sacrifices he makes for our family. Pretty amazing what a lump named frank can do. Pretty amazing that I am comforted, even in a time when I could be full of anxiety. God is good! as my sister in law Debbie always says. :)

The lump

I have decided to blog about my lump in my neck because I know that God has allowed this in my life for a reason, and I want to have note of what God is doing and will do with this in the future.

Without writing every detail that has happened in the last month, the short story is that I started with sinus infections and headaches and somehow ended up with this lump on the side of my neck that is now named Frank thanks to my friend Allie and my bible study girls.

Frank was found on the 13^th of April. I’ve been trying to get him to leave since the day he was noticed.

No one seems to know quite sure what Frank is, or why he’s on my neck. The ENT doc seems to think it’s a lymph node, but why is it enlarged?

The only way to know for sure, is to remove it. The surgery is scheduled for May 17^th.

Until then, I am acting as if it is a swollen lymph node and doing everything I can to get it to go down before the date of surgery so I don’t have to have the surgery.

I am eating a raw food diet of fruits and veggies, taking a lymph cleanse, and an antibiotic.

Of course Frank has caused me anxiety over the last few weeks but I can see God’s fingerprints all over this thing.

My God has a way of pulling me in and close to him when I’m not feeling so close to him.

I am so thankful these days that I know the Lord and have him in my life because if I didn’t I sure would be a wreck right now.

Oh the devil likes to torment me some days and fill my head with worry. He loves it when he can get me to play the game of “what if’s”. I hate to admit, but some days he is successful.

But as a follower of Jesus, I am trying not to have “what if’s” and just think on what is true, lovely and right!

Phillipians 4:8~ ⁸Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

 But some days it’s hard. Some days I feel overwhelmed with emotion from this entire thing, and the bad thoughts take over. I look at my kids and want to cry thinking about leaving them, about dying. That’s the devil hard at work trying to make me miserable.

God doesn’t want me to worry, he says so in Philippians 4:6-7 ~

 ⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

And 1 Peter 5:7 ~ Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

A verse that has become dear to my heart lately is this one- Isaiah 41:10,13 ~

¹⁰ So do not fear, for I am with you;
       do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
       I will strengthen you and help you;
       I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

¹³ For I am the LORD, your God,
       who takes hold of your right hand
       and says to you, Do not fear;
       I will help you.

He’s with me, right by my side. He’s my strength, he helps me, he upholds me, he is holding my hand, like a small child walking next to her daddy, he’s there, holding my  hand, I have nothing to fear.

I love that. When I sit and think about it comforts me.

I have been reading this book Lies that young women believe and she said something in there that I have been thinking on lately, it’s this ~

God is more concerned with changing you to be a reflection of Christ then with solving all your problems.

Wow. That’s really profound in my mind.   His goal isn’t to make my life wonderful and pleasant, but to make me more like Jesus. Hmmm.

I think about something that he’s changed with this lump real quick and it’s my eating habits.

I struggle with eating too much and mostly junk.  As the bible would call it, gluttony, or sin. I go up and down with this and it’s pretty frustrating.

I was struggling with it again recently and recall asking God to help me not to be a glutton. Well, he sure took care of that. Lol. Eating a raw diet of fruits and veggies, it’s pretty hard to over eat! Lol.  Thanks God.  Sometimes I have to wonder is that why he allowed Frank to make a home on my neck?  Is he trying to teach me that I need to take care of my body and eat right or I will die?   That I need to be obedient and self controlled with my eating or my body might do something terrible like contract cancer?  Some days I really pray that’s what he’s trying to show me and that I don’t have cancer, but I tend to keep in the back of my mind that maybe, just maybe it is cancer. Then what?

I try to keep my focus on him. That he is in control of my life and he already knows what tomorrow is going to bring for me and my family.

That if he allows me to have cancer, he will be taking care of my family during that time and he’s allowing it for a reason and will make some good of it.

Losing my mom at 11, I worry about my kids growing up without their mom like I did. It’s a hard sobering thought. It’s been my biggest fear that the devil likes to taunt me with, even before I had Frank, having cancer has always been a fear of mine.  I  want to be here for my kids, I want to watch them grow up, hopefully be a good enough example that I can lead them to the Lord, I want to be a grandma, me and Autumn talk about me taking her kids to Mcdonalds some day. I really want that, so the thoughts and what if’s can be, well, depressing!

I was reminded one day, I think it was a daily email I got or something but it reminded me that God loves my kids, and he not only loves them, but he loves them more then I do. I can’t imagine someone loving them more then I do, but I believe that’s a true statement. So if he loves them more then me, which is a lot, then he’s going to watch over them. Then even if he took me out of this world, like he did my mom, he will take care of my kids, because really, they are not my kids, they are HIS.

So really then, what is there to worry about? If I focus on God, nothing!