It's 6am the only time their is peace and quiet and time to think straight in this house! Good time to get some thoughts down.
Yesterday was a pretty emotional day. For some reason I was feeling sick to my stomach a lot yesterday, not sure if it's nerves or too much pain medicine with not enough food, who knows. Hopefully today will be a better day.
I was busy yesterday trying to make appointments at Waukesha memorial for consults with their oncologists, and called Stillwaters cancer support to get an appointment there. Kevin was home trying to get some work done.
Yesterday he seemed real stressed about the idea of going to mayo next week for consults. Trying to decide how we do this, do we take the kids? Leave them here with someone? Drive there and home in the same day? ( 9 hours in the car?) Or do I go with my friend Mary? Lot's of decisions to make. Don't get me wrong, Kevin wants the best care for me, and I know he will do anything it takes, no matter where we have to go, he's just overwhelmed, as am I.
Last night I received a call from my ENT surgeon who took my tonsils out. He informed me that surgery is an option for me also. This was big news to me because that is not what the radiation oncologist told me. she basically said that surgery wasn't an option because in the tongue area it's too invasive, can disfigure your face, etc, etc. He said, she's very knowledgeable in radiation but doesn't know the latest surgeries available.
What he told me was that he can do something called transoral laser surgery. He said my tumor is small enough to do this surgery. He would also have to do a 2nd surgery on the lymph nodes in my neck to remove them. He says this has the same cure rate as having chemo and radiation. The recovery for the surgery on the tongue would be worse then what I am going through now. He said that part of the tongue is what pushes your food down, so I will have real trouble swallowing for a few weeks, so I might need a feeding tube for a few weeks. Sounds scary but does sound better then 7 weeks of chemo and radiation.
I got some hope back last night that there was other options out there for me.
A week ago I would have said I don't want any more surgeries! Because this one has been simply awful to recover from. But after hearing that I need chemo and radiation for 7 weeks, this actually sounded like good news. Strange isn't it?
The neat this is how God works in this. I have a sweet friend Mary, who has been through cancer a few times herself, and her husband had it, and speaking with her last night, I could tell that God has really put it on Mary's heart to get me to mayo clinic. She explained why I need to go there, offered to go there with me, or follow us, whatever we need to get me there next week. It became very obvious to me that God was speaking through Mary, go to mayo.
I was talking to my brother in law through text last night about the entire situation, and told him that the surgeon called and told us that surgery was an option. He said ~ I think you should go to mayo for a 2nd opinion. That was confirmation number two for me that God wants me to go to mayo.
Last night Kevin and I prayed together. Asking God for direction in this, where he wants us to be, to speak to us directly or through people, but to give us confirmation what we need to do.
This morning I got up and had an email from my Pastor saying he still thinks we need to go to mayo clinic. There's confirmation number three. God you have been heard. We WILL go to mayo clinic next week. Now it's just to figure out details!
I love how he is so involved in our lives like this. I love it when I am actually looking for his answers and know it's him speaking through others. He's got something in the works here and he wants me at mayo for a second opinion. So that's what we will do.
Hopefully we'll figure it all out and have peace about it very soon.
I am still standing on the fact that God is the great physician and he is able to heal this body of mine. Praying for miracles. :)
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.
1 John 5:14-15
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