Radiation Oncology appt.

I am sorry I have not been on a lot to update. I sure have been in a funk after this surgery. Tomorrow will be a full 7 days since surgery and my throat hasn't healed a bit. At least it doesn't feel like it. I still need the narcotic pain meds to ease my pain, which I HATE.  They make me feel drunk. I don't know how anyone can take this type of medication for fun. 

Today we met with the radiation oncologist at Aurora. I am not sure this is the treatment that I am going to have for sure, we are most likely going to Mayo clinic in Minnesota next Monday for a 2nd opinion.

But as of today, what she said was, in this area, (the tongue) they don't do surgery, because it could cause too much disfiguration to the face, (mayo clinic has a special robotic arm that does tongue surgery) so she said, 7 weeks of radiation and chemotherapy.  Radiation is five days a week for the 7 weeks, not sure how much chemo I will have yet.  She said that the radiation, because it's on my neck and face area is going to make my mouth and throat very sore. Said I will get sores in my mouth and it will be hard to swallow. Sounds alot like the last 6 days that I have been living on water and broth, should be great to do that for 7 to 14 weeks.  She informed me I will not be able to drive myself to my appointments  because I will be on narcotics for the pain in my mouth and throat. Just great. My Pastor Tommy was with us at the apt and when she said that I just looked at him. He said don't worry, the church will work it all out.  I just can't imagine needing someone to care for my kids and myself for this long?? Kevin asked, after the 7 weeks is over, will she be fine? She said, no. It takes another 6 to 7 weeks to recover from it all.  

All I could think was, are you kidding me?? How am I going to survive this? My friend Sarah said, "You will know what the term "survivor" really means when you are done". I'm sure she's right. Obviously I have no choice but to do this and kill this cancer! I have to live!  But I am not looking forward to it one bit.

I think I am going through the "why me" , "poor me"  "this sucks" stage.  I just have to get past this.

A little while ago my sister was cleaning off our kitchen counter and I picked up Jake's papers from church on Sunday. His memory verse for the week is ~

1 Corinthians 16:13- Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong.

Ironic that I picked that sheet up to read it today? I doubt it.  His other sheet says, " Instead of becoming discouraged we should trust in God and let him give us the courage we need".  THIS is what I need to pray on. Trust in my God. I know he's faithful. I know he loves me, and I know he wouldn't allow this if I couldn't handle it. He lives in me, and I am going to have to use his strength to get me through this!

There's more to Jake's sheet. At the bottom it says this ~

As Romans 8:31 says, " If God is for us, who is against us?" And indeed as 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power!  Stand firm then, take courage, and trust in the Lord. He will give you the strength to be the hero he has called you to be!

It was no coincidence I picked up those papers to read them today, when I'm feeling like I can't go through this God says, here, read this! You can do this. Lord Jesus give me the belief in this, that I CAN do this. That I WILL make it through these coming weeks.   

I'd much rather pray , can you please just heal me? Can you do a miracle on me as you did to Adam at church and just heal this and make it go away so my family and I don't have to go through all this!  I know that's wimpy. I don't want to be wimpy, but in all honesty, that's how I am feeling today. 

I have the support to get me through this, God has given me many wonderful family and friends that are going to get our family through this, and I am just going to have to look for all the small blessings along the way.

How many 39 year old women have daddies that say they will go to china with you if that's what it takes for you to get better? Or husbands that just quit going to work to take care of the family? Or Sisters that come over and clean your house and feed your kids, or stay in the hospital with you when your sick and scared? Or brothers that give you patio furniture to be able to enjoy my beautiful back yard? Or sweet friends that call every single day to see how I am doing and offer anything I need? A pastor that goes with you to oncology appointments to be your advocate? God has blessed me with much. I guess I can dwell on what sucks or dwell on the blessings he pours out daily. I better opt for the blessings.  My sister reminded me today that I need to take this ONE DAY AT A TIME. She's so right. I shouldn't look 14 weeks ahead, but 1 day. Today I will survive and do what I need to do. Today. That's it.

I covet all your prayers. God hears them, and I feel them. Love you all.