Living beyond convenience?

This is a post I don't want to write. But God is really pushing me this morning to blog about this. I have been telling myself I'm too tired to focus this morning, too tired to write in my blog, but the spirit is pushing me.

I am also going to be exposing myself in this post, as a "not so good" christian, and that is also not an easy thing to do. I'd rather just go drink my cup of tea and think about the sinful things that other people are doing, things that bother me, like why do people think it's OK to live together without being married? why do people think it's OK to leave their marriages for someone else? I get so worked up over these sort of things that my mind can't stop thinking about them, but when it comes to my own sin, well, I'd like to just ignore it.

God has been convicting me of my "spending sin" for a good week now. Everything that I read, or hear convicts me about my spending. I hate that.  This is  not a new bad habit that I just picked up, I have always been terrible with money. But lately there has been no self discipline with my spending and it's just getting to a point where even I can say it's ridiculous.

Sunday during Pastor Tommy's sermon he was reading from 1 Timothy 3 and it was referring to the husband, and saying that the husband must be of one wife, temperate, self controlled, able to teach, not violent but gentle, not a lover of money. He must know how to manage his own family well. This is the part where I started thinking, hmmm, my husband is supposed to manage is own family well, how can my husband manage is own family when his wife is not helping him do that? I was convicted right then at church, that my spending is not being helpful to my husband, he can't manage his family without me helping him do that. I am his helper. What am I doing? God was talking to me at church that morning. It didn't end there.

It got me thinking more and more, " I  need to be a better wife, a better keeper of God's money, I need to help my husband "manage", I need to stop spending and start being more self disciplined. But Monday , my thought was, OK, I better buy what I need before I talk to Kevin about this. (that is more wrong thinking!) So that day, I know I bought a few more things that I "need". Then Tuesday we had community group for church at our house, and we discussed the sermon from Sunday. Funny thing, we didn't talk about the husbands or how they need to manage things. What we talked about was how we are to "fight the good fight" and what that means to us as Christians. What someone said was how we are in a constant battle between our flesh and our spirit, trying to do what the spirit tells us to do, but we fail and do what our flesh wants. Conviction hits again. I've been doing what my flesh wants. Spending money that I shouldn't, on things that I think I "need". I should be fighting the good fight here, fighting my flesh, through Jesus of course, because he lives in me, I should be able to conquer the flesh and tell myself, no!

So once again, Tues night, God was speaking to me about the spending.

So Wed, It's on my mind more and more, The spirit is telling me, "no more spending" be your husbands helper". My flesh is saying, get the last few things you "need" before you turn over your credit card. So because I have lost weight from the cancer, I need clothes that fit me. Right? So I better get those before I stop spending. ugh.  

Kevin and I have his 20 yr high school reunion coming up next weekend and I've been thinking about this and what I am going to wear for it. Even though I know none of these people, and I shouldn't care what they think of me because I will probably never see them again in my life, I for some reason do care, and was thinking, what can I wear that will impress them? What will make my husband look good? What can I buy for both of us that will make us look good and impress others? (and I did buy Kevin a few shirts last night just for this purpose!) 

This morning I went to do my morning reading, I'm in Mark, and I read this, "  We are not to love the praise of men", and it leads you to John 12:43 which says, " so they loved praise from men more than praise from God"    Ouch. So I'm worried about what these people think of me, and wanting to spend more money to look good, rather then worrying about impressing God, (the God that loves me so much, and cares about all the small details of my life, the God that healed me from cancer!) and listening to him, and living for him I am living for the praise of others. (what am I thinking??!)  That was convicting, once again.

There was also something in the commentary this morning that hit me. It was referring to God's laws, and it says, "let them rule your thoughts, decisions and actions. When you are uncertain about what to do, ask yourself which course of action best demonstrates love for God and love for others."  Am I demonstrating God's love to my husband by overspending? um, no. 

So what I need to do, is fight the good fight. I need to feed the spirit and starve the flesh to win this battle. I need to "fight the good fight" so to speak and not give in to my fleshy wants.

Right now, I just had a thought that my friend who doesn't know the Lord is going to read this and have thoughts that knowing Jesus and going to church is all about laws and rules and doing what God says. I don't want anyone to have that impression. God is so loving and forgiving and compassionate. He only gives us these guidelines to make our lives better and easier and happier, sometimes we just don't see it that way. By him giving me these reminders and convictions, hopefully my actions will change, and my marriage will be better because of it. I will be a better wife and helper to my husband by managing our money better.  I don't want to be someone who just "says" she loves God and follows Jesus, but I want to be someone who "lives" it.  The bible says that as Christians we should let our actions be consistent with our beliefs. Live for Christ even when no one is looking. That is what I want to do. On the outside it's pretty easy to "fake" being a follower of Christ, writing how much I love Jesus and doing bible study and going to church, but  what do my actions say about it? I want my actions to show Christ.

I love to be able to give to others, to help people in need, I want to be able to give to the church so the church can thrive and help others, I want my Pastor's family to be taken care. My family can't help or give if I am being selfish and spending more money then I should.

One other thing I read this morning, is that as believers, we should consider increasing our giving- whether of money, time, or talents, to a point BEYOND CONVENIENCE or calculation.  So instead of worrying about my own needs or wants, I should be worrying more about if my Pastor is getting a check this week, or my friend has food on her table this week, or if my sister in law has someone to keep her company this week. It's not all about me.  

This was not a fun post for me to write. I don't want to hit the publish post button, but I am going to, because I feel like God wants me to. Who knows why. Maybe it's all about me repenting and sharing it will make me want to follow through with it more, maybe someone had a wrong impression of me that God wanted to take care of, maybe someone else needed some conviction about spending, who knows. I'm just doing what God wants me to do. If you would, keep me in your prayers, that I would be less selfish, less self centered, a better helper to my husband, a better example for my kids, that I would listen to the spirit more then giving in to my flesh, and that God be glorified because of it. 

love you! 

Thoughts on life.

I've had so many thoughts in my head the past few days. On Wed morning I received wonderful news about my health, and I was so excited and thankful and then only hours later I received an email from a friend that my neighbor had passed away the day before. She was only 50. She got in a car accident weeks ago and had a broken leg and ankle. This past weekend wasn't feeling well, so she went to the hospital, turned out she wasn't feeling well because of a blood clot, then it went to her heart and she passed away. She has an 11 year old son. It was unexpected, sudden, a shock really. Who would think someone is going to die from a broken leg? In one day I got really good news about the Lord sparing my own life, giving me more days to be with my kids and husband, and news that someone else did not receive the gift of another day with her family. It breaks my heart. It pains me to think of what her son is going to go through. I know they were close as mom and son. It also really makes me think A LOT about how we spend our time. It makes me think about how much we take people for granted, like we think they will always be there. There's always tomorrow to spend time with them, or tell them we love them, or show they how special they are to us. We think there is always tomorrow, but their isn't. We just never know when it will be someones time.  I think about how often we just sit around and spend fun time with our kids. I am guilty of this. Sure we home school, and they are home, but how much time do I take to just sit with them and play? I am busy cleaning and cooking and doing laundry, and driving around, and worrying about silly things. 

We have family that is an hour and a half away, which I guess to us must seem like a days drive because we see them like 3 or 4 times a year! How sad is that?? I have a brother that lives about 4 min from me, that I see once a month if that! Friends that we always say, yeah, lets get together, but then we never do. Neighbors that I hardly know, but would love to know, but never take the time to go over there, or invite them over, we are just too busy. I have a husband that I don't go on dates with very often, cause you know, we don't have time. How often do I take advantage of him because I just assume that he'll be here tomorrow? But what if? It's when things like this happen that we stop and think about things.

I had the same thoughts on Tues waiting all day for results, and the night before when I found another lump in my neck. What if? What if It spread? What if I die? What if I can't be my kids home school teacher? What if? What if I can't be here to be a mom to my kids and a wife to my husband? When you brush with cancer and thoughts of death it really makes you think about a lot of things. What do I get mad about or stress out about? Usually something petty.  What am I rushing around for? Probably something that is not all that important.  If you got a call tomorrow that one of your loved ones, or friends, or children died, what would you wish you would have did with them or said to them? Do it, today.

This morning I was in the kitchen, tired, and making myself some tea and Jake yelled, I'm hungry! He had to leave for school in about 10 min. The first thought that I had was the normal selfish thought, "why doesn't he get up and find something to eat? He's almost 14!" But that thought was immediately replaced by, " I am so thankful to be here, alive, and be able to serve Jake breakfast!" So I asked him, what can I get you?

Funny how my first thought was a selfish thought, I think that's how most of us are on a daily basis, we think about our self and our own needs first, but going through cancer, and another cancer scare, and then a friend dying can really change your outlook! I was reading my bible this morning, in Mark 10:43-45 ~

⁴³Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, ⁴⁴and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. ⁴⁵For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

The commentary says this~

"It is easy to say we will endure anything for Christ, and yet most of us complain over the most minor problems. If we say we are willing to suffer on a large scale for Christ, we must also be willing to suffer the irritations that come with serving others"   

The paragraph below says this~ " Rather then seeking to have your needs met, look for ways that you can minister to the needs of others"

Hard stuff. Really hard stuff. But when you are faced with losing your life, these things become much easier.

I like how God gives little lessons like that. Like this morning me being selfish in my thoughts about Jake, then God turning my thoughts around, and then in the same morning he gives me verses in the bible about serving. And people say the bible is boring to read.

Today's blog is really just a bunch of rambling thoughts in my head. I guess that's no different then usual. lol.

I feel very blessed to be alive. To be able to make my son breakfast, to be able to homeschooling my kids, that I am able to pick up dirty clothes from behind bathroom doors and bedroom floors.

I guess lately God's really been giving me some lessons on what a gift our life is. What a gift it is to wake up in the morning, even if  I don't feel like getting out of bed.  It makes me even more thankful to HIM for everyday that I am given another day to serve my kids and husband and friends. I hope through reading my blog, you can change your thoughts, without having to go through cancer, or a friends death.

Go do something nice for someone today, tell them  you love them, take some time to spend with them.

love you.

Sing a song!!

Please listen to this song. This is how I am feeling right now.

I got a phone call this morning. Then I got on my knees and praised the name of Jesus. Praise be to the king of kings, my Jesus, my Lord and savior, my Jehovah Rapha.  I feel like getting on my face and praising him. I just might. :)

The doc said the needle biopsy was negative. No cancer present.  He said the two lymph nodes lit up in the pet scan because I've been sick. He said anything that can cause the immune system to respond can light up on the pet scan. 

Praise be to God. Thank you Lord Jesus for healing my body. Thank you for answering our prayers, before they were even asked. Thank you for strengthening my faith in you.

I want to sing a song to my Lord.

Thank you all for your prayers. Let God be glorified for answering us. Give him all the praise.

love you!!!

He is strong in my weakness

In my last post I wrote that I still might be a "little" worried the day of my PET scan. I was so weak! Yesterday ranked up there with one of the worst days Kevin and I have had.

We got into Minnesota on Monday night,  probably around 10. We had a good drive up there, we had good conversations and time went by pretty quickly. At the hotel, I was washing my face and neck, and the dreaded happened, I found a new lump on the side of my neck. My heart sunk. My faith became so weak. I was scared. I was doing so good in believing that I was healed for the past week or so, not having any fears about the upcoming scan, but that lump, boy the lump did me in. All the thoughts were flooding my head, I couldn't think of anything but the stupid lump I had just found. I couldn't focus on Kevin, or sleep.

I got out of bed, and I pulled out a little envelope that Autumn gave me to open in Minnesota. It was a purple piece of construction paper, and she had made a rainbow on it with a flower in the middle, and a sunshine. The top says " I love you mom".  As soon as I opened it, I cried. My emotions were just flooded with "what ifs" that night.  I have had people comment on my faith, or how they think I am strong in my faith, well, let me tell you, I am weak! I am human. I should post that song on K-love to go along with this, I can't think of the name if it but she sings, " We're human". Anyway,  I looked at that purple piece of paper with the rainbow on it, and thought about the meaning of the rainbow. God's promise to never flood the earth. So that made me think, I need to find his other promises and right them on the back.

I got out  my little bible I had brought along and found some verses, I will share some of what I put on there, but not all, there's too many!

~ Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. Isaiah 40:31

( I was needing some serious renewal of strength and hope and faith in my Lord!)

~ He has chosen me. Isaiah 41:9

~ Do not fear, I am with you

I am your God

I will help you

I will uphold you

Isaiah 41:10

~ Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord.

No worries.

Jeremiah 16:7-8

~For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  

Jeremiah 29:11-12

~He will protect me for acknowledging his name.  Psalm 91:14

~ Call to me and I will answer. Jeremiah 33:3

~ Do not worry.  Matthew 6:25

~ Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be  yours. 

Mark 11:24 

( I used this one a lot yesterday during the day)

~God works for the good of those who love him.  Romans 8:28

~ Do not be anxious about anything! Bring requests to God.

Think of what is TRUE, and right and praiseworthy.

(my wording)

Phillipians 4:6-8

~ He cares about me.

2 Peter 5:7

He has commanded me to be strong, not be terrified or discouraged. He IS with me. Joshua 1:9

Well, I was terrified alright!

I had the PET scan about 8:30. They inject you with the radioactive sugar solution, then they turn out the lights and you sit there for an hour. They don't want you reading or listening to music, or playing with a phone, nothing. Just sit. But don't sleep.  It's a good time to sit and let the devil throw all kinds of thoughts at you and try to fight back with God's word. Not a fun time.

I had the scan done then, and was done by I think 10:15. Now the waiting game begins. My apt to see the doc wasn't until 4pm.  Believe me, I tried twice to see if I could get in sooner, but no luck.

We spent some time back at the hotel room, and tried to walk around and look at some shops, but I was in such a funk it wasn't even fun, and if you know me, you know I love shopping! I just couldn't think of anything but what I was going to find out at 4pm. 

I was so scared. At 3pm we just went up and checked in, and sat in the waiting room, hoping they'd call me early. They didn't.  Time moved the slowest I ever remember. tick, tock, tick tock. It was like torture!

My mind was racing with thoughts of what they were going to tell me. I can't even explain how hard this was on Kevin and I.

About 15 min before we were called in I felt weak. My knees even hurt. I don't have knee problems.  I was praying and praying, talking to my God about how I was feeling, and then kept on repeating, I am believing that I am healed. God doesn't lie. He said he wouldn't make a fool of me. I'm healed. I'm healed. I'm healed. God help me believe I am healed. I'm weak.  I'm healed. I asked in prayer for healing, my girlfriends asked in prayer for healing, we believed you answered. I'm healed. I'm healed. Finally the pager went off. Here we go. Kevin had a bad headache, he was nervous, I was a wreck. let's get it over with.

Of course Eli, the PA, was friendly as usual and nonchalant when we got in there. Asking how we are, just being casual, all I could think was "What was on my scan??!!"  Finally he said, two lymph nodes lit up on the PET scan. Oh great. But then he said, nothing else did. OK, that's a good sign right?  So my tongue didn't light up, nothing in my throat, tonsils area, nothing. Not my ear, my sinus, my lungs, ( all the things I was thinking it could be) Nothing. Thank you Jesus. So what about these two lymph nodes?

He said there was one on each side of my neck, they are about the same size and same shape. He wasn't sure.

So, he did the usual exam. Scope up nose and down throat with camera. ( we can see this on a TV as he's doing it) He showed me everything, said it all looked Perfect. Good news.

Then he did a real good feeling of my neck for lumps. He found the same lump I did on the right side.

He then said, he would go get Dr. Moore and bring him him. Dr. Moore came in, looked over the pictures on the TV from the scope, and Eli had already updated him on everything else. He did another exam on my neck feeling everywhere really good. He got his fingers around that one lump on the right and looked at Eli and they must have had some kind of telepathic thing going on, but Eli knew what that meant so he told the nurse to go get the needles. They wanted to biopsy the lymph node. Dr. Moore explained that he doesn't think that the lymph nodes are cancer. By the shape and the feel of them. BUT he wants a biopsy for confirmation. Good I'm glad. Do it! I remember the first time I had an appointment for a fine needle biopsy in my neck, I was scared out of my mind! This time, I was like, go for it, stick the needles in  my neck! lol. I trust Dr. Moore a lot, and I really don't want to have to go home not knowing what these lymph nodes are from. So he did it. He took 3 needle samples from the node. It wasn't all that bad. Kevin's hand might be black and blue today though. lol.

So he said, he'd call me in the morning. Oh good. More waiting. He said if it's not cancerous, I come back in 3 months for another PET scan and exam. If it IS cancerous, then I have to come back up for a ct scan, and  talk to the radiation oncologist and they will be doing radiation on my neck. (ugh)

We got to the car, and I went to close my car door, and couldn't lift up my right arm! What a weird feeling that was. So I got on the cell phone to make sure this was a "normal" thing.  Dr. Moore said it was, it will go away. OK, good.

I was feeling much better at this point then I did all day long. My faith was returning. See, I'm weak.  I was so weak all day long in my faith, but when I got that little glimmer of hope, when nothing was on the scan but those two lymph nodes, I started believing God for that healing again. Stupid human I am. He told me in his word not to worry, but I was worry my little pants off.

He renewed my faith again. I don't know if the nodes are cancerous. I will know sometime today. This morning I hope. But I am still believing God that I am healed. That he healed me before. That I've been healed all along, through all this worry.  I don't believe God is going to let those nodes be cancer. I believe he's answered the prayers of mine, my girlfriends, my dad, my son, my husband. He already answered them. 

I will post today sometime when I get the results.

There's a song I wanted to post.

Click here.

God my God, I cry out. Your beloved needs you now.

I will lift my eyes, to the maker, the creator, the healer.  :)

Hope in him

I've been meaning to blog since last Friday. I wrote last about faith, and having faith in my God that he has healed me. The pain in my ear is still there, it comes and goes, but seems to be less frequent than it was, praise him for that!

Last Thursday night I met with ladies from my church for a nursery meeting. After the meeting was over, my friend Mary, (mom) asked a few of the other ladies to pray over me because of my ear pain. I sat in a chair, and they all put their hands on me and prayed, one at a time. It was so touching. I cried at the way these prayer warriors pray. They even apologized to God for asking for healing when he has already healed me.

They asked that he would increase my faith in him, that he would touch me in a special way, speak to me in a way that I would know I am healed. After we were done, one of the girls, Nora said to me, to just keep telling myself when I feel that ear pain that I am healed! To thank him for the ear pain because it's a sign that my nerves and muscles are healing back up.

I left that night singing in my van right through the ear pain. Ever since that night, I have had no worries about my ear. Yes it is still hurting , but God took my worries away. He answered yet another prayer. God is SO amazing.

I do have an appointment to go back to Mayo in Minnesota next Tues. I had that appointment before they prayed for me. I called there and talked to my surgeon's PA and he said I should come in for another PET scan. That got me worrying. But after Thursday night the worry was gone.

When the thoughts of "what is this ear pain from?" came to my head I said, "get behind me Satan, I am healed by the blood of Jesus Christ", and my worry was no more.

This morning something amazing happened. I was sitting at the table doing my bible study for tonight, and she told us to go to a verse. The verse she said was Psalm 25:12. But before I got to that verse, somehow in my head, my thoughts turned to, "I need to blog about the girls praying over me." Then I thought, "But WHAT IF, I write about how they prayed over me, and how I have not been worrying, and how I'm believing God that I am healed, that the cancer is NOT back, and then I go have the PET scan and it is back? Then I will look like a fool!" At that very moment, I was thinking I was  going to the verse that she told us to go to for the study, and  I started reading Psalm 25:3. I was on the WRONG verse, it may have been the wrong verse for my bible study, but it was the verse that God wanted me to read. 

This is what it said ~

No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame.

God was speaking to me. He knew my thoughts, that I was thinking at that very second about blogging, and doubting that I should share that my wonderful friends prayed over me and he answered, and he said, "Amy, you go right ahead and blog about it, brag about it, I will NOT put you to shame.

Of course, this makes me even less worried about my upcoming PET scan next Tuesday. I'm sure that day I will be a little nervous, but I am believing God that I am healed, and that my ear pain was just another way to strengthen my faith, and another way for God to show off and be glorified.  :)

I love it when he does things like this. There is nothing like God knowing your thoughts and giving you a verse like that. I wish those things could happen to me everyday!

Thank you my sweet girlfriends for praying over me, and thank you my sweet, merciful God, for loving me, for paying attention to my life, and my thoughts, and speaking to me, your child. I couldn't ask for a more wonderful daddy. 

Prayer

I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!



~ Isaiah 65:24, NLT
 

I LOVE this!!!!!! I received this in my email this morning. What a perfect perfect verse for me right now!!

My sweet girlfriends from church prayed over me on Thurs night, and since then I have had a real peace about my upcoming scan, and my ear pain. I am believing that I am healed by my Lord, and have been telling myself that since Thursday. This was like a sweet confirmation from my God saying,  " I already answered your prayer Amy" , I love our God!!!

Faith in healing

I am STILL having ear pain.   This has been going on for a bit too long if you ask me. I went through the whole thing with the tooth, and most of us thought the ear pain was probably from the wisdom tooth. Well that tooth is gone now.  The root is still left in there, and to be honest, I can't tell if the pain under my jaw is from the tooth still not being all the way healed, or if it's from my surgery, because my right ear, jaw, shoulder and part of my chest have all been numb and painful to the touch since surgery, so it's really hard to tell!

I saw the Ent here at home on the 23rd of Aug about the ear pain, he looked in my ear, did a test for fluid and pressure and found nothing. He scoped my nose and throat, and said my throat and tongue all looked great. He thought maybe the ear pain was from my Eustachian tube not working correctly because of my throat muscles not working correctly, so he put me on a nasal steroid and said if it's not better in a month to come in and he'll do a CT scan of my head and neck again. That same week I called Mayo, but never heard back from them.

This past week, I was doing my bible study and came across this verse in Psalms.

Psalm 103:1-5 (New International Version)

Psalm 103

Of David.

1 Praise the LORD, O my soul;

all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,

and forget not all his benefits-

3 who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,

4 who redeems your life from the pit

and crowns you with love and compassion,

5 who satisfies your desires with good things

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

 

Then I looked up at my devotional calender I have on my desk and put it to the right day, and yet another Psalm!

 

Psalm 40:1-3 (New International Version)

Psalm 40

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

1 I waited patiently for the LORD;

he turned to me and heard my cry.

2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

3 He put a new song in my mouth,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear

and put their trust in the LORD.

 

I felt he was trying to tell me something. "Quit worrying about your ear. I  heard your cry, I healed your disease, I pulled you out of the pit and put a new song in your mouth!"

 

When things like that happen to me, it's not coincidence. It's God trying to speak to me.

 

I've been doing my daily bible reading in Mark.

There is so much on Jesus healing in Mark, I'm sure I read something daily on healing!

 

Here's something from Mark 5, in the commentary- " Dont' be afraid, just believe" In Jesus there is both hope and promise. The next time you feel  hopeless and afraid look at your problems from Jesus point of view. then don't be afraid, just have faith!"

 

 

Reading that Jesus is so compassionate, that he heals people because of his compassion on them is a soothing thought to me.

 

Here's more from the commentary in Mark 6 " Jesus does not ignore needs, however. He is concerned with every aspect of our lives!

Thank you Jesus!! That right there is something to praise him for. He is concerned with everything about our lives!

 

Then in verse 9-  it says says we have no excuse for our unbelief.  Hmmmm.

 

Then later in Mark there is a demon possessed boy, and the father says, " IF you can do anything, take pity on us and help us"

Jesus said, " IF YOU CAN?? Everything is possible for him who believes!"

 

Sounds to me like Jesus was a bit irritated at first that the boys fathers said "IF you can". Of course he can!

 

But what hit me was what the father said after that,  " I do believe! help me overcome my unbelief!"

 

That is how I feel.  If Jesus were in my house, I'd touch his cloak and believe that i was healed. Cause I KNOW he can. So why do I worry about this ear pain? I don't need him to physically walk through my door so I can touch his robe and know I am healed. He's always here, and I just need to believe it. He healed me. He wouldn't have led me not to have radiation if I was not healed. So Lord Jesus, help me overcome my unbelief!!

 

When I worry, he always leads me to  not worry. He gives me things in bible study, on my calender, in my daily reading. What more could I ask for??

 

So if you could, when you are praying, add me to your list. Pray for my belief in my healer and for the ear pain to go away. :)

 

love you!

 

Not getting what we want

I received this in a devotional this morning and thought it was very good and gave me something to think about!

Not Getting What We Want







"Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, 'My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.' "


-Matthew 26:39






For years I pleaded with God to give me hands and feet that would work. I never got what I wanted. Looking back, I can see God's wisdom in not granting my wish. From those torrid times of pleading, I've come away all the better for not having received my greatest desire. My faith is stronger. My love for Jesus is brighter. It wouldn't be the same had my wish been granted.






Great things can happen when God does not give us what we want. Even the Father did not abide by the pleadings of His Son. In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus longed to bypass the cross. He hoped it might be possible for His Father to take Him in another direction. But at the close of His prayer, Jesus knew His pleadings were over. He was heading for Calvary.






But, oh, the glorious things that happened as a result of the Father's denying the Son His request. For one thing, the salvation of the world hinged on Christ's obedience to the Father's will. Thank heaven that the cross happened.






A lot may hinge on God saying "no" to your wants and wishes. A lot of good may result in His taking you in another direction. So, what is it you want? Popularity or a clean reputation? An agreeable husband, an understanding wife? A bank loan? A thin body? If God does not grant you your wish, please know that He wants to strengthen you as you accept what comes from His hand. Ultimately, that may be the very thing your heart desires most.






Lord, not my will but Your will be done today!



Taken from Diamonds in the Dust. Copyright © 1993 by Joni Eareckson Tada. Used by permission. Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530

I"m 40.

Wow. I can't believe I'm 40! lol. 6 months ago I said I wasn't going to celebrate this birthday. I told my son, I am going to stay 39. I am skipping any further birthdays. :)

But my tune changed when I was diagnosed with the cancer, and let me tell you, today I  am more then happy to turn 40! I feel blessed to be here! 

I am praising the good Lord above that I am healed from the cancer and able to be here today, and enjoy my family, spend my day with my kids, and eat food! Praise God!

I think it's normal that we all complain about getting old and what comes with it, and not wanting to get old, and we moan and groan about stupid petty little stuff, but when something like cancer strikes, things change!

One day last week, we were at Jake's school for registration, (my one child that won't home school) and I was in between two ladies who were very ticked off about the school fees they have to pay at a public school. They were going back and forth talking about it , while me and my kids were in the middle of them and had no choice but to listen. They had their mad faces on, and some angry words were coming out of their mouths. Me and my son just looked at each other like, "what the heck?"  Then we went to the grocery store after that, we saw two separate families, where the parents were also very crabby and angry at their kids.  Again, Jake and I looked at each other, and Jake said, " I think they need Jesus in their life". Amen little man! I was impressed with a 13 year old for noticing and saying that.

We just ran into person after person who was cranky that day. I am not saying I don't have days when I am cranky. But there are a lot less of those days then their used to be. I stress about the small stuff a lot less then I used to. It is just not important in the grand scheme of things. When those two were complaining about school fees what was going through my head was, "who cares! I'm just glad to be standing in this line!" lol.

I wish I could write more, but my little Gracie is awake on the couch waiting for me to come watch cartoons with her. I can't think of anything I'd rather do right now. :)

Oh, and by the way, I have started another blog to share what I am learning on health and nutrition since the cancer. Put it in your favorites!! Become a fan!

love you all.