Redeemed & Rooted: UNdeserving Grace.

THIS blog made me cry. Sitting here with tears in my eyes. Why?

Just reading how she looked up at him, all the thoughts running through her head about yelling at a kid, a sigh of not wanting to drive one to town, not reading to kids before bed.

Wanting to confess sin. not feeling worthy of his foot rubbing, wanting to pull away because of it.

I feel all those things. Never a day goes by that I don't feel regret for something, any little thing I didn't do right. Feel tense all the time about all the weight of everything from being a mom, stress of taking care of all things. never feeling rested, never feeling finished with work around the house, feeling like I wasn't a good enough mom, didn't make enough time for my kids, spent too much money............the weight of it all......just feeling like I'm never good enough.

This morning I was reading my devotional and the verses of the bible that go along with it.

I wrote on a peice of paper something I wanted to put on my chalk board in the kitchen~

"Grace is undeserved favor"

"Love others despite of their sins"

I was reading from Romans 12:17-19.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”says the Lord.

I think this fits right in with the blog I shared. Where she wrote she felt she should pull away. Probably because she didn't feel worthy of her husbands foot rubbing.

I feel unworthy too, not so much of my husbands foot rubbings, but of God's love and mercy and forgiveness that he so graciously gives us.

I am so far from Christlike somtimes. I can be selfish, uncaring, unloving, and honestly, latley I have been having thoughts of repaying evil for evil. But in such a petty way.

Amazing how I can have thoughts one day about my husband and what he doesn't do for me, and how I shouldn't do things for him because of it, (which is repaying evil for evil) then the next morning God shows me a verse and it effects me enough that I want to put it on my chalk board.

UN-DESERVING Grace.

That's what Jesus gives me. He chose to die on the cross for ME. Not when I was perfect and sinless, but while I was/am a sinner.

He gives me forgiveness and love, when I don't deserve it. On days when I don't make time for him. Days when I am crabby with my kids and husband. Days when I don't make Christ look good.

I am unworthy of Christ's love, and yet, by Grace alone, he gives it to me.

I think about this, dwell on it this morning. Do I give Grace to my husband, to my kids, to strangers, to anyone, the way God gives it to me? I don't deserve it. But he gives it anyway. Conviction.

If I can receive God's grace, even though I don't deserve it, I need to start giving grace freely, even when I don't think people deserve it. Even, when I don't "feel" like it.

God doesn't look at our sin when we have Jesus Christ as a savior. When he looks at us, he sees us washed white as snow. We are washed clean of our sins by the blood of Jesus Christ. The blood he shed on that cross for us. For YOU and me.

It reminds me of my favorite necklace. I wear this necklace almost everyday. I cheerish it. When I wear it, It reminds me of what Christ did, and how I need to reflect Christ. I think about it and think, If I'm wearing this out in public, I better wear my attitude of Christlikeness, and show Christ love to people. (some days I forget!)

Recently I put this favorite necklace of mine in jewelry cleaner. It came out looking terrible. It looked dirty, stained, discolored. I was sad about it. My favorite necklace, ruined.

I called the jeweler. She said, "The smith may be able to buff it out" , so yesterday I took it there.

She took it and said, I'll take it over and see what he can do. But then I saw her standing behind the counter looking down, and I thought, "What is she doing??" I thought she was going to take it to the smith and see what he can do with it!" I was getting impatient. I had a friend and kids in the car.

She came back over with it, and it looked brand new. All shiny and silver again. I was in awe!! I said, "what did you do?" She said, " I just wiped it clean with a polishing clothe".