Overwhelmed....

I hate to admit it, but I am feeling overwhelmed with all this cancer yucky-ness right now. Usually I am in bed over an hour ago, tonight my mind just keeps on going, and going........

Surgery was pretty awful. Obviously not the surgery itself since  I was asleep for that, but waking up, all I remember was a lot of shaking, a lot questions about pain and nausea. I was in the recovery room a lot longer then I should have been.  When I finally got back to my room, I just  remember feeling terrible, and the nurses kept  asking me  If I was ready to go home. It was like a cruel joke! I couldn't even  sit up straight and she wanted me to go home?  Eventually we all came to our senses and realized I was not going anywhere, as much as  I wanted to go home, and I know Kevin wanted to take me home. My poor husband was just beat from sitting there all those hours, then he had to go home without me.  :(  I hated to see him leave, but at the same time, was so out of it, the time passed quickly and then my sister was there to spend the night with me. Bless her heart. She  slept on the sofa/bed in my room, it's always a comfort to have someone there with you.

Yesterday morning Kevin came up with the kids, very early, like 8:45am, he was ready for me to go home. I on the other hand, was still feeling sick and not ready to move from the bed. So Kevin took the kids back home, and my dad came up and sat with me for a good 4 hours before I decided I was going to brave it and go home. I held that pink tub up to my mouth the entire way home, never looked up once. Can't believe I made it home without puking. I made it from the car to the couch. Stayed there till 9:30pm, then went up to bed. What a God awful day that was.

Today was better. Throat hurts but a lot of the sick feeling was gone. If I take the pain medication I feel drunk, which, frankly, I don't like feeling like that very much!  Finally figured out by afternoon if I take 1/2 of what he said, it calms the pain, and doesn't make me feel too woozy.

So the whole cancer on the tongue thing has thrown me for a loop. I thought it was only tonsils, so that really wasn't good news. Now I am freaking out about the treatments I am going to have to have, will I have more surgery? How terrible will that be? Will I need chemo? How sick will that make me? What about radiation? What will that do having it so close to my brain?  My head is full of the "unknown", and I don't like it!

 

I'm feeling pretty weak and scared right now. Please pray for me, for some peace, and hope that I am going to forge through this. That our family is going to make it through this and come out stronger and better then before. 

Even though the last few days have been really tough, i still have things to praise God for.

That the cancer wasn't found anywhere else.

That I had my husband there when I came out of the recovery room, and also to sit with me before surgery and make me smile and laugh and take away some of my fears.

That I have a sister that is willing to sleep in a hospital for me so I 'm not scared.

That my dad sat with me for four hours in my hospital room, even sometimes I was sleeping, he stayed.

For a sister in law who came over today and helped take care of my kids, and cooking and cleaning while I tried to chill out.

For my survivor friend Sarah, who answers all my questions and trys to calm my fears.

These are all gifts God has given me. Even feeling better today, enough to be up walking and talking is a gift.

Hoping tomorrow is a better, more positive day!