Three words I never wanted to say.

Well as I wrote in my last post, I had the biopsy last Friday. Yesterday (Tues) afternoon the doc called when I wasn't home and told Kevin he wanted to meet with us today. Kevin set up the apt for 8:30am this morning.

Last night was a horrible night for me. All the thoughts that went through my head about cancer, dying, my kids, my husband. Why do doctors do that to you? Make you wait so long to find out what is wrong?

Well, we met with him this morning and my sister watched the kids. He told me what I knew was coming.

I have cancer.  Those are the words I never, ever wanted to have to say.

Since losing my mom to cancer at age 11, I have always feared getting cancer. It's been my one consistent prayer throughout my life, please don't let me get cancer. 

So here I am.  I can't even remember everything that was said in that room this morning. Thankfully he gave me a printout and Kevin was there to write some things down.

So far what the report said was, " it is worrisome for a metastatic squamous neoplasm." Also, it says " suggests squamous differentiation. "

Basically what "metastatic" means is that this cancer did not start in the lump in my neck.   It originated somewhere else, they are thinking probably in my head or neck region. So the next step is a PET scan. This will show brightness in areas that could be cancer, so they might be able to tell from that where it originated.

I think I will be having that next Monday the 24th.

Then on Wed the 26th I will be having a procedure called Laryngoscopy. I will be put to sleep and they will go in with a lighted tube and do biopsy's of certain areas, like my throat, tonsils, I forget where else, as I said, I probably missed half of the things he said in there today.

After that, we see what the biopsy's say and if they can find cancer anywhere else. That will determine treatment after that.

So....now it's back to the waiting and wondering game until next week. Lord help me. I know I will be needing to lean on the Lord so much these coming days.

Amazingly I am feeling much more calm today then I was last night. Maybe it's because I have more information, maybe it's because of all the prayers.

My verse for the day ~

⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus

Phillipians 4:6-7