I posted about church the other day, I should have got it right then and there. But I didn't. I was still confused about what to do, all I knew was that he was near and I should trust him, not fear.
God obviously knew that I still wasn't getting it, so he had to send me one more sign to knock me upside the head. He must just laugh at me sometimes how long it takes to get through to me. But thankfully he is patient with me.
I prayed before Sunday that God would speak to me through someone at church, preferable my pastor, but I never asked my pastor for his opinion on if I should do radiation or not.
Tuesday morning I checked my email and had an email from my pastor. I would like to share the email because the email gave me my answer, right away as soon as I read it I started to cry. I knew it was God and I knew what he was telling me. People questioned when we were waiting for an answer from God saying, "how will you get an answer from God??" He has his ways. It can be through reading his word in the bible, through music, through emails, you never know. This time God chose to speak through my Pastor Tommy. God is amazing. He knows just the right way to speak to us when we need it.
I asked my Pastor if I could share his email, and he is OK with it. So here it is ~
"Amy,
Just felt like I should contact you and give you my two cents. I have
refrained from giving you any advice or opinion on your radiation
treatment because I feel this needs to be your decision so take this
as advice and then do what you feel good about doing. As I have said
before after my parents' bouts with cancer (especially my dad's) over
the last 15 years and their dealing with doctors, treatments and
decisions I have formulated some opinions and I want to share with you
some that I think are relevant to your situation.
1. never accept a treatment that has permanent consequences unless
absolutely necessary. I watched several times this scenario play out,
both accepting treatment that probably didn't need to be done and
refusing treatment. Once a permanent treatment is administered it cant
be undone. In addition there is no telling what new treatment options
may be out there in the future but if you do something permanent,
well, it's permanent.
2. never have a treatment that is not absolutely necessary that may
limit your future treatment options. when discussing whether my dad
should receive radiation (even after the visible cancer was gone) one
of the definite risks was that if the cancer came back doing radiation
would make it more difficult to operate again. Now I am not sure if
surgery would be an option if the cancer came back in your case but if
it is you may limit or at least complicate future options.
3. if a reliable doctor gives you an "out" take it. doctors are prone
to have very healthy senses of self importance and they believe in
there treatments because they have spent their lives committed to what
they do, 9 times out of 10 they will want you to do what it is they
offer. if a doctor you trust tells you it's OK not to get a difficult,
or more important permanent treatment, jump at that one. It's all a
game of odds and if the doctor doesn't think it improves your odds
enough don't put yourself through it.
4. if a treatment, no matter how difficult, has temporary consequences
but improves your survival chances do it. if this radiation treatment
was going to be a difficult 8-12 weeks but when it was done it's done
than I would say do it but it sounds to me it will be a difficult 8-12
weeks and then have permanent consequences which would cause me to
refer you to points 1-3.
I am not trying to "weasel" my way into your decision making process,
like I said I wasn't going to say anything, but after talking to my mom
today I just felt like I was supposed to share this with you. Whatever
you decide I/we will be behind you 100% because the first rule in all
this is the patient needs to be comfortable with all treatment
decisions. It's your call. But I want you to know as I was preparing
my message for this Sunday I couldn't help but think about you and your
situation and I kept thinking you should not be seeking additional
treatment out of fear. If you are convinced that it is the path God
has for you then take it but otherwise trust him with your future and
know that He is near.
That's my 2 cents and I hope I didn't overstep my boundaries. If I have
I am sorry I sent this email truly thinking it was what God wanted me
to do, but I have made mistakes in the past :)
Our prayers and love are with your family always,
Tommy"
To God be the glory that he chose my pastor to speak to me. See, God knows me. He knows who in my heart I trust that it's coming from him. There were a few other people that told me the same thing, but I didn't have peace about it. But when it came in this email, I just knew it was God speaking to me. God is just so amazing, I am in awe.
Kevin and I are both at peace with the decision not to do radiation, and not look back. I trust God. If I would trust any one's answers to this decision, God would be the guy!
So we are going to move on with healing now. I will get checked every 2 or 3 months with a scope and a ct scan to watch for any signs of cancer returning. I pray, and hope you will pray too, that it never returns.
I found out later yesterday that my pastor couldn't sleep that night. He sent that email at 2:30am. He said he knew it was the Lord telling him to send the email. Wow.
If you could keep us in your prayers that would be wonderful. I still can't eat real food, so pray that comes soon, that I can enjoy eating again someday soon, and pray the cancer stays away, FOREVER. I so want to be a grandma someday. But God knows the plan for my life, and I trust him.
Love you all. Give God praise today. Thank him for all the simple things in life. Thank him for being with us, for hearing us, for answering our prayers, for sending his son to die for us so we can have eternal life in heaven. God deserves our praise and thankfulness. He is faithful. He loves us.
1 comment:
GREAT testimony to answered prayer!!!
I'm so glad that you have made a decision and are at peace with it. I will continue to pray for you through this healing process.
(I pray for you during almost every one of my runs!)
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